Not So Negative

by NyanDerpy

The Aftermath, Part 1

Rainbow Dash awoke feeling stretched and sore. Sore wasn't new to her; she was a bucking world-class athlete. Being good meant being active. Being active means working your muscles a lot. Which means eventually, you're gonna be sore. And when she felt stretched, she didn't mean like after you stretch as a warmup for too long. She felt stretched out, elongated somehow. Oh, and on top of that, she felt tingly, raw, and had a splitting headache. She brought a hoof up to hear head, only to find that she didn't have a hoof anymore. Instead she had a hand with five fingers in it. She stretched it and thought about how it would help or hurt her athletics. She looked down at her body, and saw that she was wearing some clothing. A light blue shirt, and a pair of bottoms that she didn't know what to call. But they were made out of denim, and came up to slightly lower than her bum. She didn't know what to make of this. She sat up, stifling a groan, because it was so painful. She dragged herself to a nearby tree and leaned against it for support. Then... The second thing she noticed about her new body was that she had longer, well-muscled legs, and had a foot with five weird appendages on it. She tried standing up but couldn't manage her new body. So she sat right back down on her butt and went back to examining. She pulled up her shirt to examine what was underneath, but quickly pulled it back down after getting an immoral gut feeling. But she found that she still had wings, and they were still light blue, and she also had her cutie mark on her hip on both sides. She still had rainbow hair but it was arranged a bit differently on her head. Only when she had finished looking at her new body did she ok around her. There were a few houses around, but drab and with none of the colors that Equestria had in constant use. She saw a motionless silhouette, and crept toward it in her hands and knees. The figure was like hers but with longer legs and shorter arms, and straight indigo hair with purple and magenta streaks. She also had a lightly shimmering aura in a necklace and around her hands. She cautiously prodded her with her fingers. The figure rose slightly. "...what the buck?!?! Who are you? Get away from me, you creep!" Rainbow just laughed. "Silly Twilight, it's me! Rainbow Dash!" Twilight narrowed her eyes. "No you're not, Rainbow Dash is a blue pegasus pony. You are... I don't even know who you are!" Rainbow scoffed. "Look again. Or even better, look at yourself!" Twilight looked down in shock, as she slowly figured it out. But what Twilight knew and Dash didn't was what that meant. "Oh my bucking goddess... Rainbow?" Twilight said slowly. "Rainbow Dash, we've been transformed into humans!"

Comments

[Slip Kid]

Okay, I'm gonna do a review, I'll try not to be too harsh .

Okay, first off, you should try to make chapters at least 1,000 words or more, people are put off otherwise. Also, the pacing is much too fas for my liking, considering we went from waking up RD to a spell malfunctioning in the space of around eight hundred words. You need more detail to fill these things out, but you may want to remove the seemingly random aside with Derpy and company.

Also, for this chapter in particular, remember to split your text into paragraphs, otherwise it can be hard to read. Carrying on from that, you need to start a new paragraph whenever there's a new speaker in your story.

I can't help but feel that Twilight is very much OOC in this story, she isn't really known to snap at her friends and is generally the level-headed leader of the group. RD seems to be suffering from this as well, her reaction to being transformed seems very muted and altogether unrealistic. She would likely be freaking out, throwing a tantrum, and general wondering what the hell was going on.

In short, this story needs some work.

Hope I wan't too scathing