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This story is a sequel to Curses
This is story is a chronological sequel to Curses, but you don't need to read it to get this fic.
In the mountain mining town of Rocky Slopes Sky Blue spends her days managing the weather and taking care of her precious children. Then one day, her children do not return from playing. Can she overcome the trials of being a mother or will she descend into darkness and paranoia?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Here is your one free review as promised. (I bet you thought I had forgotten, didn't you?)
Grammar score: 7 out of 10
Smaller errors: 15
Larger mistakes: 0
There were some easily seen errors in tense, some comma errors, and other miscellaneous errors. Overall it was quite decent and didn't take away from the story too much.
Note: Pegasisters is the name of a adult female who likes the show MLP, not twin Pegasus sisters. That's like saying Hutwins, (human twins) or bromans (human brothers). Also "yogurt" not "yoghurt".
Pacing.
For having 9k works I actually thought it was paced too fast at times. There were multiple points where I thought is was acceptable but not great. For instance when she first told everypony that her foals were missing, you could have given her point of view when she was looking around town for her foals. Also I felt that her "lock the foals in the house craziness" came too quickly. Another thing was I would give a backstory/prelude thing that shows her almost flipping out sometime before this story takes place.
Character Portrayment:
I thought you did fairly well here, I'm not a huge fan of OC stories but I didn't hate them.
I mentioned that Sky Blue's insanity came on a little quickly.
Vermillion's reaction to Silent Song's new came a bit quickly for me.
Overall score: 6.8 out of 10
I thought it was fairly good as is, but I think that the full potential isn't there.
I think that if you add something at the beginning and Sky Blue's journey around town looking for her foals that the story will take a large jump in quality. Those two things would fix most of the things I noticed.
Hope you enjoyed your review and remember to never stop improving!
3501058
I was waiting for this review, NightWolf. To put my two cents in:
I call the twins the pegasisters. i have been doing that in the previous story, so I am doing it here as well for consistency's sake. Pacing could indeed have been better, but I wanted to get it over with(writing it took so freaking long!). Sky Blue might indeed have been a better choice, but since she sn't the only mother in the story I wanted to give Silent Song some appropiate screen time as well plus it serves as another perspective on things.
Also Yogurt, Yoghurt or Yoghourt are all acceptable according to wikipedia.
Thanks for the review, dude!
3501338
Really? Yoghourt?
...The English language is so dumb sometimes.