Winter has finally arrived, but with it comes secrets, lies, and cold attitudes. When Applebloom asks her sister if she can play with her friends, Applejack coldly rejects. And that isn't all. Applebloom has noticed a change in Sweetiebelle. The usually young cheerful filly is lacking in happiness and seems rather ill. What is wrong with her friend?
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there were a few mistakes: Her sister had left the house after receiving a call earlier that morning. She wouldn’t tell Applebloom what it was about, only rushed out of the house.
Applejack said I had to stay in my room, she never said I couldn’t call anypony. . . Mumbling it over, Scootaloo debated if it was worth it. The chances that Applejack would even find out was close to zero. Finally she heaved herself out of bed and picked up the phone.
but over all it was a good story
1543402 Thanks so much! I'll fix them right away!
This is pretty nice. I think more time could be spent on dealing with how Applebloom handled her friend's death, and some explanation as to the behavior of the Mane Six is required. Was Sweetie Belle contagious, or would exertion simply exacerbate her condition? At any rate, for a person with a terminal illness, mood and attitude are important, they help bolster quality of life. I can't see her being kept from her friends as anything but malicious, if only unintentionally so.
1543798 Thanks! :) I'm still a beginner so it's awesome getting advice. I was trying to make it seem as though the mares were being a bit over protective, worried, about Sweetiebelle. They didn't want her playing with her friends because she was very ill and it would certainly make it worse if she was out and about. Thanks for your feedback, I'll be sure to think oof everything you said if I edit this, and in future stories.
1545012 Please do edit, perhaps stretch this out and since Sweetie Belle died I'd recommend adding a tragedy tag.
1547340 I will, and thanks so much, I'll add a tragedy tag
1543644 No problem! Getting advice on your stories is always a good way too improve! :)
My heart hurts now...
1556942 Sorry for making your heart hurt, I hope it was nice to read though. Do you have any suggestions to make it any better?
1557013
Nope no suggestions! It's a perfect story to make you cry, a perfect sad story!
1557054 Well I really appreciate it! Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it!
applejack asking her to be strong for her? i would have freaking nailed her in the face multiple times... she's a bitch...