- Member Since 15th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 22nd, 2017
applejackisbestpony2
BRONY OF HEART AND I LIKE SOMETIMES READING CLOPFIC. LOL THE BEST STORIES ARE THE TEEN RATED ONES THE EXACT AMOUNT OF EROTISM AND STORY. APPLEJACK IS BEST PONY EVAAAAA.
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- Sea Pony · 133k words · 2.6k views
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Please, report me all the errors of grammar or the story itself. I wiil upload the second chapter soon.
Multiple capitalization errors, a lot of grammar mistakes, the story moves way too fast, the pacing is dreadful, and the romance is very forced. There aren't some errors, you have a lot of errors in this story. Get yourself a proofreader/editor to help you out.
1532311
You're missing an 'a' in your username.
you have a good story, I would just suggest slowing it down, fleshing it out some more, but keep it up
This is still a better love story than the Twilight Saga.
I agree with 1537101 . Get a good editor or someone to work out the errors. Even Microsoft Word or OpenOffice have the spell check in it for basic errors. It seems like a good story plot, but the errors make it hard to read. I'd like to see more, but you should look into fixing it up before posting the next chapter.
1532311
Definitely need to go through and make sure proper names are capitalized. Most of them are not. As are a lot of cases of "I". That is the sort of thing that just screams that you don't care about your story. And if your readers think you don't care, why should they?
Format-wise, you don't need the caps lock for shouting. Or the bold. A simple exclamation mark, maybe the use of shouted does the trick. If you use caps lock and/or bold frequently, it just serves to annoy your audience.
You've got a lot of spelling errors. Make use of a spellchecker to catch most of those. If what you are using does not have a spellchecker, either switch to one that does (like Google Drive aka Google Docs) or else make use of the FimFiction one. Words with the squiggly red line underneath them when you are editing a chapter are the ones it doesn't recognize. And so you can make sure those are spelled correctly.
You've also got some grammar issues, such as messed up punctuation for conversations. And there's the usual show vs tell thing. I'd suggest reading through this guide. It address some common grammar and formatting issues, as well as just general issues first time writers will tend to run into.
But don't get discouraged. Writing is like most things, takes some practice to get it right. And it is worthwhile skill to master, as it'll aid you in school and life.
You know, a story like this is somehow is more interesting being illiterate rather than perfection. Just like the Graham Roumieu bigfoot books.
1537166
So is this:
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/098/c/9/Rule_34_ICE_by_The_Kitsune_Warrior.jpg
I didn't really "read it" so much as I took in the concept... and overall I liked the idea and the premiss that you were looking for as an author... It's just that you did not have the skill (I could say talent but that word has bad "baggage") to really convey the concepts you were going for... keep working on it (your writing skill) and eventually you'll gain the skills that will properly relate your ideas
1532311
Yeah, I'm sorry but you need an editor for this and a proofreader. It's practically unreadable in it's current form.
I'm going to assume you're not a native English speaker at least that's what I'm hoping because your syntax is terrible.
You need some work on this and should at the very least be running this through a spell check first before posting.
Premise is good even if the 'Mature' tag is squicking me out. The actual writing, however... You may need to read a bit more stories/English language textbooks. Formatting also needs a bit of work. It's a sad day for me when there is too many spaces between paragraphs.
1532311 Applejack is not the best pony.
SHE IS THE GREATEST PONY
the story has a base but thats it
the rest is porly done
you have lots of potental but you need a proofreader and more practis with descriptiv righting
ex
my lips met hers. her tong sliding together with my own this quiqly resulted in a brake pruducing a long string of saliva
i wud like you to p.m. me
i just wont you to secseed
and yes my speeling is teribul
good by
1552390
B-but everyone forgets me...
1560423 BECAUSE YA SUCK.
1560618
SCREW YOU TOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
FLUTTERRAGE ACTIVATE!
"I Will make better this chapter."
Yeah, I wish I could believe that.....
to short
bad grammer
good story line
keep righting
I think its was a bit too spaced out, but I guess maybe just work with fleshing the story out more?
Its not bad, but I wince at the bad grammer :/ its a good story though! I plan on reading more!
double spaced so teacher thought I typed a 3 page essay when I only typed one page
love the story could use less spacing and more meat, but still like the path!
i only read the first two sentences. wow, big improvment on grammer my friend. i comend you in the highest degree. :3
I dot cAre about grammar but I do care a lot about storylines and plots. I like it
Who might the mysterious mare be?
Rarity maybe?
1576619
"To" is used to describe a place like:
He went to the market.
"Too" is to describe a number, additional, etc:
I want to go too!
You have had too much icecream.
That's one mistake.
It's spelled "grammar":
The boy's grammar was improving!
"Right" is used to deter the direction opposite to left. It can also be used to describe correct things.
He went right.
They did the right thing.
However, the word you need is "write':
Keep writing.
Your comment had no punctuation, capitalization, as well as an acute range of vocabulary of words, (that some were misspelled, nonetheless) but yet you told him that he had bad grammar and spelling.
Quite enjoyable
....I shall wait for more but please don't take too long on it lol
this needs proofing
but it still intreging but you have to write more
Please write more, this story rocks
LOL heppy end of the world... xD
Damn good story
Its to short and moves to fast
You should re write it
If you look I think that you will find somepony to help with that
Can't wate for next chapter
great job
POTATO IS CONFUSED ABOUT PLOTLINE, BUT POTATO WILL GRANT YOU THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT. POTATO IS CONFUSED AND WOULD LIKE AN EXPLANATION. ABOUT STUFF.
As much as I hate spike for that I can simpithize with him
You need an editor, pronto!
I like this story alot but the grammar needs serious work, i'll like and favorite, but I will not read until you fix this
The best of luck!
-Kiryu
It's all in italics.
The problem should be clearer now
awwwwwwwwwwwww
don't feel bad about bad grammer, I mean I have crummy spelling
1554580 no, no, yur speeling is rite ahn, you gould grammers.
3311131
ok am I being trolled about a year old comment
bra that's kinda strange
bro wtf y did this end
um
Brilliant twist but.... I don't even know what to say....
Another....Goddamn kids story with them fucking? Man I need to read...........foalcon..is no
Dude you are fucking disturbed person
I hoped sweetie-belle and spike stayed together
Dear author,
I found this fic to be extremely sensual and exceedingly erotic. I masturbated at least seven times to the final chapter, and came at least twice. I especially appreciated the close attention that was given to the characters' dialogue; I feel as if this could be ripped straight from an episode! I loved it when Sweetie almost had sex with that mysterious stallion. Any chance of a continuation? It gave me such a chub!
I thought that Twilight Sparkle was soooooooo in character. It's clear based on canon evidence that she wants to bone Spike hardcore. She wants that dragon dick in her vajoo. I can tell based on how many times she looks at his throbbity wobbity dragony dingle dangle dong in the series. She is such a slut for Spikey Wikey's little knotty wotty. Ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyy. Nyeeeessssssssssssssssssss.
Do you think Rarity and Sweetie Belle use the same tail conditioner? I really need some of that if I want to attract dragons like Spike! I think that Sweetie and Rarity should just give in and have a threesome with Spike lol but seriously they should doubleteam that bitch like a fucking Space Jam AU. LIke I wish Bill Murray came in and helped too. And maybe Shrek.
Love is never ogre,
Teh Stormshi
I like the initial story but the grammar is getting on my last nerves.
spike x sweetie belle?
Now this is my personal opinion, and i know it will get hate, but, WHAT THE BUCK MAN!?!?!? It should of been a SweetieSpike, but you completely ruined it. that is all