• Member Since 15th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 22nd, 2017

applejackisbestpony2


BRONY OF HEART AND I LIKE SOMETIMES READING CLOPFIC. LOL THE BEST STORIES ARE THE TEEN RATED ONES THE EXACT AMOUNT OF EROTISM AND STORY. APPLEJACK IS BEST PONY EVAAAAA.

Comments ( 25 )

I noticed a lot of things, but I'll only put 2.

Anyway, the next thing that happened was

Never put this unless it's a first person story. NEVER.

"I love you Insert Name Here, I will always love you"

Funny or not, never a good idea to do that.





Overall, not a bad story. I haven't read a 2nd person Luna clopfic yet, so this was interesting. Maybe some revisions and it'll be great.

to much man to much. :rainbowlaugh:

This has A LOT of things that need work.
And I mean A LOT.
I can't give a complete review right now, and I can't offer pre-reading/editing services because of my schedule, but you should really try getting an editor.
I would recommend looking at the any of the following groups below:
!. Proofreaders and People willing to proof-read
@. Looking for Editors
#. Author Support
$. Struggling Authors

She is really strait forward, isn't she. It was really weird, but other than a few grammar mistakes, it was pretty good.
8/10:twilightsmile:

Good story but so many grammatical errors.

Get a beta reader man. I'd offer my services but I'm kinda swamped ATM.

With the way tis is written i can't help but read it in Toki Wartooth's voice from metalokalypse.

I'm sorry, I can't read this.

Ok then I like it.

This story has potential. Needs some serious revision and editing to fully blossom.

This is the perfect story i was looking like long ago, here you go.

:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

There were so many errors in this thing that I couldn't possibly bring myself to give it a like. What's worse is that several of the major problems can be seen with a single glance, so the fact that they are still around shows you obviously didn't care enough to look over it. At all. That said, right when I was about to hit dislike, I saw this gem:

"I love you Insert Name Here, I will always love you"

:rainbowlaugh:

Alright, just for that moment of pure comedy, I'll refrain from giving this a dislike. That was just hilarious.

omg the cover is my avatar, get out of town!!!:rainbowlaugh:

1918848 i feel you man, i feel you.
Then i lol'd

My reactions to this story in order: :rainbowhuh: :ajbemused::rainbowderp: :raritycry::raritydespair: :facehoof::trollestia:

That said........:pinkiecrazy:

It's crap..... That is all.:ajbemused:

Ok, first of all this story has a lot of poteintial but you really have a lot of grammer mistakes im still giving you a like but this story can be made into so much more then you think. I can see were i can take this story; heartaches, denial, sadness, and a lot of romance. At the end when "I" ask can she get pregnant? She just kisses you 'in?' The lips should be on the lips; that could have mixed thoughts, she might be happy to have a foal or she knows she can't get pregnant.
Great poteintial,
XxRUSxX

Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh.... Well, no, really. :unsuresweetie:
Not to sound picky or anything, but this story is kind of... Too poorly written in order for me to enjoy it in full.
I'm sure it would be a great story, but the story somewhat lacks depth and the main character just seems too shy & puts himself down too much. I mean, i'm sure there's people like that, but there's a certain point where you gotta grow at least a semblance of cajones, y'know? Maybe i'm not the most unbiased opinion in that department, though; I tend to have problems with main characters, likable or not.

Just needs a little patch up, and maybe a little revision, but other than that... Close but no cigar, that's all i'm saying. :twilightsmile:

This is a sweet storie. :rainbowdetermined2:

The story is great but it can become better, that said you have my fave.

great story, but despite what other commenter say, seeing how myself am a horrible clop writer myself, i think you did a good job. Another reason why i don't do clop is cause a lot of people get critical about it. XD I hope people like my story when i start posting.

On a scale of "meh" to "ZOM Squeee TEH EPICNESS!!", I give it a "Yeah, mkay, mkay, dat- dat's 'li'l rough, but- nah 't's not bad at all.

there was a lot mentions of an ETERNAL love. is this possible ? can luna give him immortality ? would she ? also, during the clop scene, you switched from 'you', to 'his', like it was a change of perspective. needs some work, but still a sweet story, even if a bit too 'heartfelt'. the feels were strong, which made it a good read.

Writing needs work, story has potential.

Don't give up, though. I think you just need practice and maybe an editor.

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