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Magnum and Pearl

What begins as a bedtime story of how Rarity and Sweetie Belle's parents met as children turns into a walk down memory lane. This is the story of how they met,fell in love, got married and started their family.
art belongs to Kilala97

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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NobleValor

NobleValor #1 · Oct 19th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Just one thing I gotta say about this chapter:

miniapplejack

miniapplejack #2 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

So much awkward romance

VGI

VGI #3 · Nov 25th, 2014 · · ·

Awesome.

Good story, short and makes for light reading. The "feels" intensifies gradually, hitting you with a "feels" gut-punch with the last dialogue. Awesome.
Despite my critiques, you nailed it on the "feels."

Plus, you portrayed child-innocence excellently.

Good job.

Critiques:
Disclaimer: These are just my opinions as a reader:
1. You need editing.
2. A bit more description on the settings throughout the story would help the reader visualize the places the characters are in. I actually imagined the train station's sounds and smells (the smell of the steam from the train, the screeching sounds of the trains' metal parts, the "whoosh and fooosh" sounds of their breaks, and the clip-clop of the hooves of ponies on the passenger platform.)

Allieco