Ugh... All I wanted, was some more soda. I never thought that my usual routine could possibly go THIS wrong. Oi...What am I going to do?
Chapters (10)
Mother3Forever
Joined 12th Nov, 2011 ·
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God i love when stupid people have amazing luck
that is why i wrote a story about it!
Amazing work keep it up!
P.S. Russians always make great plot twists
100842 I'm half Russian. Do I make half good plot twists?
Also, this idea seems promising, but you could work on your execution a bit better. I recommend not using '-' to show actions, such as '-flashbacks-'. It would work a lot better if you just told the audience that you were having flashbacks, simply by saying something like 'Disembodied voices played in my mind. I realised it was chunks of speech from the past' etc, or something along those lines.
Anyway, good luck¬
100842 Thanks for he Compliment, but.... Errrm.... Russia? I was just placing it in Oregon during a rare snowstorm. But yeah, That kind of luck.....You'll most likely see alot of it as the story goes on.
ALLONS-Y!!!
100862 Yeah, I'm not the greatest at transitioning from being Awake to Out Cold. So flashbacks are about the only thing I do that with. Thanks for the tips though, I'll do what I can.
Also, PLOT
ALLONS-Y!!!
Good story but where's chapter 3
A nice short chapter, looking forward to the next one
129203 There you go. Chapter 3!
ALLONS-Y!!!
lol she passed out on him
This is good
Two part chapter, but I may just keep it 1 part....
ALLONS-Y!!!
Oh Owloysius, you are a true student of Trollestia
*sees title*
O.o greenday song title??!?!?!
sigh i guess i have to check it out now :/
207449 I was thinking more along the lines of
"Close only counts in HorseShoes and Hand Grenades". But whatever works.
ALLONS-Y!!!
Ah! You use such good description that I feel like I'm in pain. Great chapter! Scootaloo saves the day.
Wow, two chapters in three days....I'm impressed with myself!
I am to but if you REALLY want to impress me you better update like Coal Buck make 4 chapters about 3k words each EVERY DAY. Try that
also i really liked this chapter
wiiiiiimp
why?
241505 O.O wow, another fan of his :) (however i just started, and have a laaaaaaarge number of chapters to read :))
241951 I'm not completely sure what you're talking about to be honest. Why what? and Why exactly is Lee a wimp?
241505 Sorry, but I don't have alot of time on my hands that I can use to type. After all, I'm still in school, I spend every other weekend without internet access, My typing program on my Computer is slow and freezes the system on a regular basis, and I usually pass out from exhaustion the moment I get home after School. I've never had very much energy. But, I agree. I wish that I COULD do that myself. I already get so much flak from my Birth mom thinking I'm either Gay, or a Creep for liking the show.*Eye roll* I'd fill you in, but I'm pretty sure there's a limit of less than 9000 words or so on the comments.....Meme NOT intended. Thanks for reading though.
242003 no, i was actually wondering the cause of his body destroying itself
242055 I'll try not to spoil much, but from the SciFi books I've read, Theoretically, If you went to another world with drastically different elements in the atmosphere, including gravity, you''re body would try and reject it. But trying to reject the world is too hard, so it basically settles on just rejecting YOU. It's like...if a person got an organ transplant, and the body didn't take too well to it. The body tries to kick out the foreign organ. Make Sense?
242082 i see, it actually does make some sense, i don't read much sci fi (i like sword and sorcery better) but i can see how a body could reject what is drastically different to the norm, thank you for explaining
242003 I know and I was just joking I think Coal just pre-writes them and waits for a good time to add the chapters
242001 IKR It has SOOO many chapters and I started a group called My Second Life Fan Club
There you go! Another Chapter.
Also, Sorry 'bout the wait. I'm nearing the end of my last year in school, so I've been focusing less on this, and more on getting the required credits that I need so I can graduate. Every chance I get however, I'm putting content for chapters together bit by bit. A lengthy process, but I'm impressed with myself.
ALLONS-Y!!!
Never sneak up on a horse period. *rubs jaw*
Just saw the title of this and it reminded me of a shop in town by the same name. Now I'm wondering if there's more than one of that shop, cuz it's a really small one in a small town. Odd.
Excellent, so far, but methinks you could use an editor. May I?
858161Hmm...I like to think I'm pretty good about spell checking and other such issues. But....Meh, Why not. Go on, Knock yourself out. Just cut and paste, Make your edits, and PM me the results if you would. I really would prefer it in a PM, honestly....I don't know how to use Google Docs or anything similar.
P.S. FYI, Alot of the errors are due to my keyboard missing like...7 keys. Trust me when I say, Typing is no small feat when you're getting zapped every five seconds. That's why I'm buying a brand new laptop soon using my graduation money.
858115 There's a store called HorseShoes and Hand Grenades? When I thought of the title, I was actually thinking of the saying,"Close only counts in HorseShoes and Hand Grenades." Wow...Just....Wow....*Shifts Eyes* What do they sell there?
859957 It's a retro tech pawn shop. They mostly sell old video games and music, but recently moved to a bigger lot so now they have a small arcade in the back. Awesome stuff there. Lemme know if you're ever in Virginia, and I'll show you.
CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS HUMAN CUDDLERS! SQUEE!
Too short! Need moar!
bring it on man, BRING. IT. ON!
Looks like a good story!
1080008Yeah, but I lost all my old premade chapters along with my old laptop, so I've got no idea what I was doing.... Though...I'm getting some ideas...... If you got some ideas for a new story, I'd LOVE to hear em! You seem like a creative person.
I'm somehow already seeing you runing your potential with trivial errors so I hope you don't mind if I point them out as nicely as I can over cold, harsh, words.
1) "-At a Corner Market-" Please describe this market instead of setting the scene like a play...did that sound annoyed? I'm sorry!
This is weird. You do a good job of showing instead of telling, and then you put stuff like "-End of Flashbacks-" in...
2) random capitalizations always bug me.
3) Well, I still like this. I think. Let's see where it goes.
1184975 I've never been good with transitions, since I can't find a way to do it without breaking emersion.Any ideas?
1185788
In a nutshell try to do the scene changes within a boundary of time.
Such as use things that they are doing to advance to another point.
But not during key things.
Pm me if this didn't help anything and you would rather me explain better.
Me gusta now WRITE MORE!!!
1185788 Oh BUCK. Somethings gone wrong!!! Doctor have you done the Lazarus Experiment? Have you faced the empty child(ren)? Is the T.A.R.D.I.S Okay? this NEVER. HAPPENED. You need to borrow captain Jack Harknesses Time Vortex Manipulator!!! He will know what to do!!! Oh well have to save myself, time, and the universe again. I miss the tenth me. that me was WAY, Cooler. Almost as cool as bow ties and Fezes. Bow ties and Fezes are cool
GERONIMO!!!
I knew that would happen, (just saying, in a lot of HiE stories, applejack attacks the human and he ends up injured, then apology ensues)
All in all so far so good (So what?)
Nice, hope to see more in near future, i don't even remember how i found this story, one minute i was playing ARMA II (DayZ) and the next I'm in the steam internet browser reading this..
P.S. while i was reading a bandit fell off the roof and died in front of me.
1960815 I chose her because she's stubborn, and has a tendency to act before thinking. Rainbow is the same way, but she generally doesn't knock....she just kinda crashes through the window. I was actually considering RD, but then I noticed that RD accidentally slamming into/injuring the human is even MORE common than AJ doing it.....
Also, I hate to break it to you, but I've more or less given up writing this story due to horribl things happening every time I start a chapter....like a family member dying from a drug overdose...or a friend attempting suicide...or even my 4 month old kitten getting hit by a car WHILE I was writing it. That's not to say The story is done for, I just need to work up the balls to try again, despite the deaths immediately afterwards.
Please continue this story I really love it and its been almost a year since the last chapter. I am very sorry for all the bad things that happened or have been happening to you but I love this story and must have more of it. Please please please please please PLEASE continue it. If you like I can help you with it just email me at doctorwhodaleklover@gmail.com
How do you have more than five character tags?
4929200 because it's old as crap and basically dead.
4929200 To make it clear, there was no tag for the Mane Six when I wrote this.