• Member Since 9th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jan 19th, 2018

Crackshot


Comments ( 22 )

dont bring pot into this....... i cant imagine innocent ponies doing that........

but i can imagine them riping out each others throat and feasting on thier entrails....... i need to see a doctor

... Another human in Equestria Mary Sue. Well, not touching this one.

You're going to have to work a lot on your narration and structure I'm afraid. As it is, the story reads very 'stream of consciousness' which is extremely difficult for a reader to comprehend. There's no real introduction and setup, and I'm left quite confused by the whole thing. The giant wall of text opening the story doesn't help.

Sometimes when you write something, it is difficult to look at it critically because you're reading what is in your head not what is on the page. I'd suggest putting it down for a few days and then looking it over with a fresh pair of eyes.

Also there's an awful lot of swearing which always feels out of place in a pony story. :unsuresweetie:

98748 pot won't be a major thing in this story. nobody will actually be smoking it, but it will be mentioned(and might cause some problems)

98771 the narration in this story is pretty much the same thing as in it's prequel(which if you haven't read it, this story won't make much sense at all), which most people found amusing, so i figured i'd keep it. i'll try something a little different in the next chapter and see how i goes. on the subject of swearing, "Trystan" is a very angry human being irl, so he does a lot of it. i just do it casually, and i try to capture what the character is really like. thus, all human characters are like how they are irl. i'll try to tone it down a bit, but i won't make any promises, thanks for the feedback.

O_o I wonder how they are going to react when... Your still a werewolf right? They would be like HSWTFBBQOMFGFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU-

99842 rofl, full moon, here i come!:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

99872 seriously I cannot wait for their reactions... Hm... FUCKING CRAZY IDEA!!! *in psychiatrists room*
Me: What do you see in this picture? *holds up a picture of werewolf*
Those 2 people: HSWTFBBQOMFGFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU-
Me: I knew this would happen! Okay shut up... *sigh* *morphs into mudcrab and snips their flanks*
Those 2 people: OW CRap... *falls through the floor*
Me: Works every time...
~ Fearanger, Master Shape-Shifter of Canterlot

98754 while i don't exactly know what you mean by "mary sue"(i'm kinda unversed in fanfic slang) if it has anything to do with my friend being pink making you assume he's gay(which is what i assume you mean by mary sue), it's really just meant to piss him off IRL, just so you know. if i'm wrong with my assumption, please let me know.

109509 ah, i see. well, trust me, everypony in this story will be everything but perfect. That reference to pot? might get my character screwed, big time. not gonna say how, especially as i'm not entirley sure how yet....

193403 yeah i know. This is a sequel to another story i wrote, but i made another sequel for said stories sad ending, and i've been wo rking on that for a while

WE WANT SHENANIGANS AND WE WANT THEM...RIIIIIGHT NAAAAOOOOOOO!
If...if that's okay with you...

193471 oh, you have no idea what the guys get up to when i'm not around. there will be:rainbowlaugh:, :facehoof:, :ajbemused:, and:moustache:. maybe some:trollestia:, but i'm not sure

what the heck is going on? Oh fuck, they had better not follow you! Do they ever do that in real life, spy on people from time to time? MAN! Give him some privacy!

i saw, i conquered, i came.... if you know what i mean

I thought maybe those humans would have been recognized from the My Little Human show. Oh well.

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