Just another Pony fan who enjoys sharing good stories.
A new pony comes up in Twilight's research and has multiple legends that seem to be from both the past and the future. These stories tell of something strange and mystifying.The strangest thing is that there is even a facts section to the first story. Will you believe?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
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I hope everypony likes it.
Is this story a joke?
1449733
Well it's tagged 'random'
Don't know if trolling or just newbie.
*the snap of a rubber glove*
"Procedure begins at 9:27PM. Scalpel."
1449736 Were losing him doctor, the story is just too awful.
1449740
"That's crazy talk. This subject appears to be suffering from Snow White Disease, a non-fatal disorder resulting from conveniently and unrealistically evil relatives. The transformations indicate she may also have an unusual case of DMPC, though I've never seen a case this bad outside of Tiji."
He lifted the sheet to take another look at the patient.
"Take note: Patient may require STD medication. I'm afraid she has UAV, also known as the Ugly Alicorn Virus."
The sheet dropped as he walked towards the exit, "I want her reclassified to Euclid and quarantined immediately. Procedure will continue once proper safety measures are in place"
1449759 But doctor, we can't examine the story with that wall of text in the way. Oh no it's going into thumbs down convulsions.
1449761
"Have her sedated until she stabilises," said the doctor as he prepared a Hazmat suit for the next part of the procedure, "Thumbsdown is mostly harmless. As for the Textwall Syndrome, I think I may have an answer to that. Her file mentions an unusual encounter with her aunt. Turns out it's that starving changeling queen. The reactions that were noted by our observer during this encounter suggest that she may also have some kind of psychic ability in addition to her other ailments. That is the only way to explain the sudden demoralisation of an invading army. The Textwall could be manifesting as some kind of defence mechanism."
He touched the one-way, telekill-treated glass that separated him from the operating room.
"I want a polycollar and a telekill hood on the subject. There can be no mistakes."
1449783 I'm sorry doctor, he's gone. The chapters never made it past 1000 words, the thumbs downs were climbing too rapidly. Would you do the honors of declaring time of death?
1449794
"Time of death: 10:06PM. This just became an autopsy."
1433659 No. Let's see,
>Alicorn OC
>Supposedly one of great power
>Chapters less than 1000 words each.
I give it a no
1449803>>1449803 Well he used pony creator as his image, the text was an impenetrable wall. Even the description was a mess.
The doctor took a swig of his scotch before he began his report.
"Investigations into the true nature of Subject 4672, AKA Dark Mare, have been inconclusive. The subject does not appear to be any caste of pony given closer examination. Rather than flesh, as initially theorised, 4672 is composed of a soft, pitch black substance similar to rubber. Dr. Hearth's experiments have revealed that this tissue combusts when moving at high speeds. The purpose of this property is unknown. Note: Flames appear to be somehow black and the reaction emits acrid smoke. Possible respiratory damage if inhaled.
"The insides of 4672 are of a differing composition to pony anatomy or indeed any mammal. Notable deviations include the lack of intestines or a reproductive system, several hearts and unidentifiable glands at the base of the skull adjacent to the sedai gland. Source of abilities remains unknown. Stomach appears to be similar to that of a parasprite.
"Final reports leading up to capture provide further evidence of psychic abilities beyond magic. Description of the manipulation of he local populace resembles the behaviour of Subject 1003, AKA the Lectus Parasite, and Subject 4087, AKA the Genestealer.
"Conclusion: While Subject 4672 did not pose an immediate threat to the country of Equestria I must stress the effect on nearby ponies and their actions. Should there be others similar to Subject 4672, hereby classified as Nox Atamasco Alicornus, I would recommend immediate capture followed by interrogation.
"Security Recomendations: Polycollar, telekill hood, mithril ring, sedation.
"Extra Notes: Subject was allergic to morphine."
1449886
That's harsh.
Also, why is it tagged Applejack if the description says Twilight? Might be cause for a post-humous pyschiatric analysis as well.
<Brings the good doctor another scotch, wipes the sweat from his brow, then politely leaves.>
Alright: Let me see.
From the start:
Black and Red Alicorn with accessories: Check
Ponycreator Image: Check
OC but no OC tag: Check
<1000 word chapters: Check
Fillys should be Fillies. Jegus didn't the spell check catch that?
Onto the story itsel-
gameinformer.com/cfs-filesystemfile.ashx/__key/CommunityServer-Components-ImageFileViewer/CommunityServer-Discussions-Components-Files-258/0246.wall-of-text.png_2D00_610x0.png
For gog's sake man. Start a new paragraph with every new speaker! Have you picked up a book recently. Because I can tell you there ain't a damn book around with more than one person speaking in a paragraph.
Then your Mary Sueness is over 9000.
Friends with the Mane 6.
Can turn into a dragon
More powerful than the princesses
Has 'rainbow magic'
Able to revive the dead
*Throws up a bit in mouth*
And then she comes back alive. Does she have Eru on speed dial and pull a Gandalf on us?
Then the Mane Six get abducted by dragons as pets. Pets. FFFFF.
Oh look, black voidfire. Yep, cause your character can do anything.
That's not even touching on your atrocious grammar.
WHOOSH!
Thorlol: TWE Mod
1449904
A light blue coated stallion with a crispy white mane is pushing a steel stretcher down a dull beige hallway thinking about his nose when he nearly runs over a male nurse writing on a clipboard.
"Uh, Excuse me sir, I'm here for a body. You know, greasy mane, rubbery skin and a face like a smashed up ford fiesta?" Last Rite inquired with a slightly wistful look on his face.
Ambion, after realizing who the creepy Stallion was referring to, tells him the location of the operating room.
"six doors down and on the left? Cheers." with a skip, Last Rite was off, making the stretcher do 360's as he trotted down the hallway.
Once arriving at the operating room, he notices two things. one: the door was locked and two: an adjacent office with some treated glass acting as a one way window. wearing a small smirk, he trots over to the office's door and knocks.
"who is it?" an older sounding voice asked.
"worm food patrol."
"come right in." Last rite pushed the stretcher into the gap between the doors of both the office and the operating room, put on the wheel brake, opened the door and walked in. the first thing he noticed was the slight smell of scotch.
1449735
Could go either way on this. The account was created only 2 days ago, the username is overly dramatic and it's hitting a lot of the classic tropes for troll.
But I gotta go with my gut on this and call n00b.
1449886
Awesome. This needs to be redone as a complete SPC entry.
Scribblestick here with my helpful writing tips!
As you can probably tell, this story isn't getting much positive feedback. On behalf of TWE, I'll try and point out some things you can change in order to have more success in the future.
First off, formatting. Your story is in desperate need of paragraphs. No one wants to read a straight wall of text, so every few sentences, you should start a new line and indent it. Also, you have no reason to put large portions of text in bold font. It's just annoying.
Now, on to story specifics.
Boy, that escalated quickly. The hostess is just making an observation. There's no reason for the Dark Mare to be even the slightest bit annoyed, much less turn into a raging dragon.
And on that topic. No one likes overpowered OCs. Yours is an alicorn, which by itself is more than most people can take, and also has the unheard-of ability to turn into a dragon. That's two strikes right off. If you're going to give your character ridiculous powers, you need a really really really really really good reason.
What's that?
Well, may as well discuss your pacing. This thing with Chrysalis could have been an entire story on its own. but you rushed through it in 800 words. Slow down and use your descriptions. Slow down and actually describe what's going on. Actually build a scene.
What? This is Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon, right? Why is she poisoning the CMC? Where did that come from?
Ok. Stop. What you're saying is that either Diamond Tiara's or Silver Spoon's mother is the same age as Applejack? That's... kinda messed up.
By the way, it's fillies, not fillys.
Okay, I won't use my unicorn magic to try and replicate your alicorn OC's incredibly convenient powers. Also, since when do ponies use incantations?
Huh, I must have missed that part.
What's that?
Protip: Before you try and make us feel sad about a character dying, make us care about the character. How do you do that? By slowing down and showing us how your character interacts with others. By slowing down and giving the character clear traits and struggles. All you have is some vague "no one likes me." We know nothing about how this character thinks or what her goals and desires are, and so in the end, we don't particularly care what happens to her one way or the other.
Oh! Thank you, unexplained supernatural something, for that incredibly convenient plot device!
Well, that's it for now. Hope this was helpful.
~Scribblestick, TWE reviewer
*reads description*
You do understand that you can't have legends, from the future, right? They haven't been written yet.
Not gonna bother with this one, although, judging from the other comments...
*grabs a stick*
*pokes*
Yeah, I think it's dead.
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This is, By far, the worst excuse for a story I have ever came across, I mean, this is just one big sack of shit put into a wall of text...We need the TWE in here for you, after all, there IS a chance to save this story
1450522 Alright, that's it. Where can I join the Train Wreck Explorers? I need an excuse to go poking around bad stories.
1451436 The main station is right this way. Happy exploring!
1450467
Shark Punching Crew?
1449886>>1449814
tgchan.org/kusaba/meep/src/134130458049.gif
No words. Too perfect. Nothing for me to do here anymore.
"Will you believe?"
You know what I believe in? That this story is a complete disgrace to all stories.
OC IZ STRONGERZ DEM TEH PRINCESS, WHOOPEDEDOO.
T, YOU ARE FRIENDS WITH TEH MANE 6 ALREADY? LIKE THAT'S ORIGINAL!!!!
OC PONY CREATOR. WTF, RLY.
IT'A A GODDAMN ALICORN. FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHY DID OC ALICORNS HAVE TO BE YOUR CHOICE.
A BUTT LOAD OF SPELLING MISTAKES.
HOLY SH
MARY SUE LEVEL: 999999999999999999999999999999999999 AND 9.
Good day, from your profile pic lacking friend, WTHay
1451584
Wrote that down wrong, I meant SCP as in Secure Contain Protect.
The wiki is here: Click
Check out the info on SCP-173 which was the one that started it all: SCP-173
And one of the most popular ones, SCP-682: SCP-682
1451649
I know. SPC is mentioned in the Lava Shark J-class article.
No I cannot revive dead people. No this story is not a joke. I am very sorry no one liked it. Maybe look from the perspective of someone with a sad life? I understand that all of you are more experienced than me, and I for one do have a very sad life. These stories spawned from my dreams. And no I am not more powerful than Celestia. I just used the love spell backwards. I only have one real friend people so please take it easy. Without MLP I would spend my life locked away in my bedroom. Everything is slipping through my fingers as it is so I decided to write about my life through this. Yes I have saved people before. For all of your information I am overly tall and I have been picked on my whole life, but I do not reply because that Is letting them win. So would everypony help me out, I'm really sad and lost.
Yo everypony A time flower is a magical crystalline device that shows the past.
Oh and the daughter is Diamond tiara and I only did that to her cause she's a total Beoch.
By the way stop calling me he OK. you have my gender wrong. I am not a troll.
i56.tinypic.com/16j3ke8.gif
1452556
Put it in the story then.
1452533
Dream stories are usually bad. Same with self inserts. And if you do these things then explain them to us. We aren't privy to your dreams.
Also why is it an Alicorn? Ask yourself that: does it have to be an alicorn that can turn into a dragon?
1453017
The answer to that question should always, always be 'no'.
1453440
I know. That's what people don't understand.