Four's A Crowd

by IGIBAB

05 - And Whichever Way it Falls Down

"So... There's no repairing it?"

Twilight looked really upset, a sad frown on her face.

"Not with my current knowledge," she said to Sunset. "We just know so little about how the portal actually works. Most of our studies were halted by the fact that we might break it. And now, it's gone."

Sunset showed concern. They were all standing near the crystal heart, where Twilight had put the now dull mirror. She'd hope that the artifact would help, but nothing had worked. Cadance was also there, as she was the most familiar with the heart.

"Do you have an explanation for that?" Maëva asked, without much hope.

Twilight shook her head. Sunset looked at Twydra.

"You've studied the magic of Canterlot High. Do you know anything?"

"There wasn't much to study. Most of the magic came from Equestria, interacting with it to conduct scientific experiments was hard. I don't think I know more than she does."

She nodded towards Twilight, looking sorry.

"So... We're all stuck here for now," Maëva summed up. "With that appearance."

"I've searched for a spell to turn you all back to normal," Cadance said. "Hydras are very specific creatures, harsh to work with magic. I don't know what caused you to turn into one, but it's more likely than not that we'll need the same portal magic to turn you back to normal."

"I don't know what normal means to me," Maëva laughed a bit.

"Will I be an alicorn...?" Twydra wondered.

"Probably not," Twilight answered. "I wasn't born an alicorn."

"She was promoted to that rank by Celestia and Luna," a voice suddenly said, further away.

Cozy was flying in their direction but stopped in mid air, surprised, seeing the three heads turning to look at her.

"What is that?" she said, shocked. "I thought Maëva's voice sounded a bit weird."

"That's not a nice way to greet people," Sunset pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"Things happened," Maëva briefly explained. "People came through the portal."

"Cozy," Twilight stepped in. "Why are you interrupting us?"

It took the young pegasus a great amount of effort to look away from Twydra, answering:

"Gee, princess. That's a harsh way of saying hello."

"Is she serious right now...?" Sunset muttered.

To Maëva's surprise, Twilight and her both seemed wary of Cozy, while Twydra was just intrigued.

"What do you want?" Cadance asked, with the same slightly dry tone that Twilight had used before.

"Well, I'm just here to tell you that we made progress on finding those ruins," Cozy innocently said. "They asked me to tell you they've made two discoveries."

"What!?" Twilight exclaimed. "Where!?"

"A guide is on his way. So, who are they?"

She pointed at the two new heads, as if she had guessed the middle one was the one she knew. The glasses probably helped for Twydra.

"I'm Sunset Shimmer. We never met, but I know you."

"Likewise," Cozy responded with a little nod, before looking Twydra in the eyes. "You?"

"I'm the Twilight from Canterlot High. Call me Twydra, that'll avoid some misunderstanding. Nice to meet you...?"

"Cozy Glow," the young pegasus answered in the most neutral tone she had shown up until now. "Nice to meet you, Twilight."

She was staring at her, frowning, which made Twydra look a bit uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, Twilight couldn't stay in place, walking in circles, scratching her chin with a wing nervously.

"I don't think I can wait..." she muttered. "Cozy, can you point me towards the ruins?"

"It's about this way. They've mounted a little camp."

The mare with a salmon-pink coat pointed her wing in a direction that Maëva recognized as the one she had come from the day before. Twilight got ready to take off.

"Right. I'll go first. You'll go with the messenger, girls."

"Be careful, Twilight," Sunset said, before adding. "And don't leave us out of this."

"Don't worry," the princess answered, taking off.

She quickly disappeared in the distance. Cadance saw Sunset's worried look and tried to reassure her:

"We'll do our best to get back to Canterlot High as quickly as possible."

"I know..."

"If that's any reassurance, your world won't probably vanish like that," Maëva said with a bit of concern. "Mine's been in this state for years. I don't think a day or two will be that terrible."

"Thanks..."

Twydra pushed a little sigh. Cadance looked at them, then Cozy.

"If they need anything, come seek me, alright?"

"Urrr... Can't Flurry do it?"

"I'll go look for her. But for now, they're your responsibility, understand?"

Cozy rolled her eyes, crossed her hooves and mumbled:

"Yes, princess."

Cadance looked at the three heads, saying with a kinder tone:

"Tell me if she says or does anything wrong."

Sunset nodded while Maëva frowned a bit. Why would she? She had talked to Cozy the day before, she seemed like a perfectly nice girl. Mare.

The princess of love walked away, leaving them in front of the castle. Maëva turned to the pegasus.

"Why do people here seem to resent you?"

"Oh, that's a long story."

"The real question is, why wouldn't they?" Sunset mumbled.

Cozy rolled her eyes again, while Maëva looked at the second head with question in her gaze. Sunset explained:

"She tried to end the world. Twice."

"As if it wasn't something we all have in common here," the pegasus sighed with irony.

"I only did it once!"

"Yeah, after betraying Celestia a few years prior."

"Wait, hold on," Maëva cut, a bit lost. "I knew about you, Sunset, but like, Cozy and Twydra too?"

An awkward silence suddenly fell as they realized they were, indeed, all pretty bad, once upon a time. And it was something they had to explain to her, now. Sunset winced.

"We all got corrupted by our lust for power, at some point. I tried to steal Twilight's crown and its power. Twydra got corrupted studying the magical anomalies left by the crown in our world. And Cozy, well I wasn't there so I can't really tell, but-"

"I tried to siphon all the magic in the world to become an empress, then used borrowed powers to try and destroy Equestria."

The pegasus was almost bored stating this. Like it didn't really affect her.

"So," Maëva tried to understand. "Why are people mad at you, and not at them?"

"Because I refused Twilight's hoof the first time she offered me help to become a better pony."

"And she wasn't freed because she felt sorry," Sunset added. "But on a whim, because of someone else pleading for her. And she hasn't really tried to make amends."

"Not towards you, at least," Cozy pointed with a snarky smile. "Because I haven't done anything to you."

"Sure, but still. You gotta admit, we don't know for sure if you truly regret it and if you changed."

"I think being free for ten years without doing any harm, while being close to the princess, should be enough, shouldn't it?"

"Or maybe you're just waiting for the right time," Twydra pointed out. "You're just toying with her and making a fool of her."

Something changed in Cozy's eyes. The bored annoyance in them switched to a very well contained but clearly visible anger.

"Don't say that."

"Yeah, she's right," Sunset said, a bit surprised by Twydra's probably unintentional provocation. "I think that was a bit too far."

"I'm just saying," the third head continued. "If-"

Cozy suddenly flew up to her face, staring at her angrily as she hammered each word distinctly:

"Don't. Insult. Her intelligence."

Silence fell. Twydra was a bit scared by Cozy's eyes. They had lost her uncaring and mocking sparkle. They were wide open, empty of any emotions, aside from a threatening yet calm furor.

"S-Sorry..."

"I won't say it twice," the pegasus slowly warned.

Hearing her icy tone, Maëva suddenly believed a bit more the fact that this mare had, in the past, tried to destroy the world. Then, another realization came to her mind.

"Wait, you were freed ten years ago?"

Cozy Glow's expression immediately returned to its normal state, as if nothing had happened, while she looked at Maëva.

"Yes, why?" she said with a sincere smile.

"But you're eighteen...?" she assumed, since it was Flurry's age.

"Physically, yes. I was frozen in stone for about seven years, as a punishment. So I kept my age for all this time."

"... You were eight when...?"

"Yes, I was a very precocious filly."

Cozy giggled, to Sunset and Twydra's shock. Her change in emotions had just happened so fast. She followed:

"But yeah, that's why people kinda hate me around here. It doesn't really matter to me. Still, I'm glad there's now someone that doesn't hold that kind of prejudice against me."

She looked at Maëva in the eyes with what appeared to be kindness. Which was just throwing her off even more with what had happened before.

"There you are!"

All four turned to see Flurry coming in, flying. She stopped at Cozy's height.

"You're back from your research?" the alicorn asked to her friend.

"Not for long. Now that you're here, I can actually leave. I only came back because I need my lenses."

"You're not wearing them?"

"I told you already," Cozy over-exaggeratedly sighed. "It's a pain when you don't have magic."

"Ask me, then," Flurry proposed, almost offended.

"No," she categorically replied. "Anyway, see you! I have knowledge on collapsing worlds to find!"

"Wait! You-"

But Cozy had already left, flying away quickly, into the castle. Flurry grumbled.

"That pegasus..."

Maëva cleared her throat and the princess remembered their presence.

"Right, sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Actually, yes," Twydra suddenly said. "Can you bring the history books you have on the Crystal Empire and the mirror?"

"Sure. I'll bring you the ones auntie came with."

She went into the castle by the main entrance. Sunset looked at the head on the other end.

"You think you'll find something useful?"

"I don't know. But the me here has probably read them. If they contain important information, we might as well be more than one to know about them. Two brains are better than one."

"I feel like there's a joke to be made with that sentence in our current situation, but I can't find one," Maëva said with a distant voice.

---

"Found anything yet?"

Flurry yawned, sitting against one of the castle's pillars, looking at the three headed monstrosity. They were still in front of the castle. Twydra was leaning forward, looking at a book through an oversized magnifying glass put here by the young princess to allow her to read the small words written on the book.

"Not much, really. Can you turn the page?"

Maëva obliged and used the tip of her tail to go to the next page. Twydra followed:

"As far as I can tell, it's supposed that there was once more than one portal. It's not known if they lead to other worlds or just some place other than Canterlot High. But the ponies who wrote that book could only find portals that had been switched off. So they weren't even sure those were portals. They just looked like it."

"Maybe the one I took was one-way only?" Maëva supposed. "So from your end, it looked turned off?"

"Is it still intact?" Sunset asked.

"No, I stepped on it by accident."

"The simple fact you were able to step on it instead of going through shows that it was already not working in the opposite direction," Twydra pointed out, still reading. "I don't get it, they don't mention anywhere in the book where they put the alleged portals. They have to at least say where they found them."

"That book is from a time when Sombra was ruling," Flurry clarified. "Either he wanted that knowledge removed, or they didn't want him to have it."

"It's that old!?" Sunset shouted, astonished since the book looked pristine.

"Yeah well, getting banished for a thousand years with the rest of the empire does help. Magical restoration did the rest. I'm sure my aunt knows a hundred spells to get a book looking perfect again."

"... Make sense," Sunset admitted.

"So..." Maëva deduced. "Even back then, the portals were considered ancient?"

"If your world is anything to go by," Flurry answered, "that book was written at least a thousand years after the ancient mages came to your world."

"That... sounds old."

"Can you turn the page?" Twydra asked.

Maëva used her tail again, before her attention was taken away by a stallion running towards them. Flurry stood up. The colt in armor bowed politely, before announcing:

"Your highness, I've come to report that we found two archaeologically noticeable sites probably linked to the portals and the other worlds. We mounted a camp and I am here to gather more resources and our experts."

"Cozy already told us. The princess of friendship is on her way as we speak. Thank you for your message."

The guard bowed again, taking the time to catch his breath. Flurry looked at the hydra. All three heads nodded.

"Very well," the princess said, turning back to the guard. "You will escort our guest to the site with the rest of your expedition."

"Yes, princess."

"Wait here," Flurry followed, ready to take off, talking to the guard but also to the hydra. "I'm going to look for the other ponies dispatched to study the sites. I'll be quick"

And with those words, she was off in the city, leaving them alone.

The guard glanced at the hydra with a bit of fear in his eyes.

"We don't bite, don't worry," Sunset sighed, realizing how much she hated not being able to cross her arms and lean against something.

Author's Note:

We're going somewhere. It's just taking me more time and writing than I anticipated. (as usual I'd say)

Oh, btw, the results of the contest are in. Apparently, an unfinished start was worthy of third place, so I'm kinda happy about that ngl.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Stay tuned.

Comments

[Jest]

This story is very... primitive. When someone speaks you need to add 'blank said', or some equivalent to that. To the end of that, if you don't, the assumption is that the last person to speak also said whatever else is being said after which leads to a jumbled mess where I just have to guess who is talking based on context clues but even then that isn't always totally clear. Most of the time it's obvious but there are more than a few times where I had to concede that several of the people in the room could have said the line which is disappointing to see.

(You can always get around those assumptions, like for example if there are only two people in a scene and they speak back and forth. Or a few other circumstances but you have up to seven people in a room and even then you don't mention who's talking at any point in time which is just plain messy.)

[IGIBAB]

11887435
I rely on context most of the time or the rule of "last person that spoke or was spoken about/spoken to" because I don't like to repeat "said" "told" "explained" and so on all the time. And if two people are discussing and no one is interrupting them, I don't add each time who's talking. It's a conscious choice on this one. Maybe not a good one, because while it's obvious to me who's speaking with the context and the way they speak, it might not be to everyone. But I don't need a lecture on the concept X) no need to call it primitive
Maybe you could give some examples? Because I re-read the text before posting it and everything seemed fine to me.

Edit: So I've gone through the text again and spotted like 5 times where this could be a problem (I guess? 3 of them don't look problematic to me. Like when I say "[Flurry] stopped at Cozy's height", it's obvious that she's goign to ask her and that Cozy is the one that's going to reply. Nevertheless, I added a little something to make it clearer) But I don't even know if that's the one you were talking about.

[Jest]

11887565
It doesn't look like a problem to you, because you know who is saying what from the very outset, you are the writer here. I apologize if you didn't like the explanation I gave, but it's important to give it because some people genuinely don't know and it seemed as though you fell into that category given how primitive the story appeared.

If this idea of making every conversation a confusing guessing game of assumptions and trying to piece together context clues is one you want to hold onto for whatever reason then I would highly recommend never having more than three people (or three active speakers) in a scene at a time as having the eight or so of that last chapter was frankly, a mess. Stories shouldn't make the audience guess who is talking, you are an omniscient narrator, and that information needs to be obvious because every time someone has to stop mid-sentence and actively wonder "Who just said that?" they are taken out of the story.

If you don't want to use 'said' there are tons of other options like I mentioned. Such as having a character do a small action to indicate who is talking like.

"Jerry," Bob leaned forward and jabbed a finger at the page. "That is not how the word antiquated is spelled."

or

Bob leaned forward and jabbed a finger at the page.

"Jerry, that is not how the word antiquated is spelled."

I can appreciate that as writers we all have our Shakespeare moments where we think we can ignore the conventions of writing, make up our own words, and remake the very concept of grammar. But we ain't Shakespeare, and those rules are there for a reason.

[IGIBAB]

11887757
Again I've said I know I'm the writer so what's obvious to me isn't to the writer, you don't have to say it again X)
And I'm fine with you supposing I might not know. All the people on this site don't have 10 years of bagage like I do. (Although the "primitive" does hurt a bit ngl)
But I've written stories with way more characters than that and never had a problem with it, no one told me it was confusing so that's why I'm curious about where the mistakes might be.
I don't want to make it a confusing game. I just think there are some innate conventions in speech, such as, even if the room is full of people, if no one else is described doing something, then the people talking are the only one talking so no need to put it every sentence (even though I still do it every so often just to remind the reader. Because if feel like after 5-6 lines even between two people you tend to get a bit lost). Yes the reader should never get pushed out of the story unless it's desired, but if you cut every line it can ruin the pace and make it feel like you're thinking the reader can't follow a dialogue. (I've seen stories with that) Because sometimes it just adds nothing, not even clarity.

Maybe it's because in french we do differently. (For example I'm pretty sure I've never seen a text do an action after a sentence. But I don't read that much. The
"hello" Bob leaned forward.
feels so jarring to me that I don't use it. And I'm not saying I'm in the right. Just saying I don't like my text when I do it. And maybe that'll change, I'm still learning how to write in this weird language that is yours)

I don't want to be all Shakespearian either, I'm just asking for an example. Because I'm all knowing on my stories, well, I need another eye to tell me where there's something wrong then. That's why I asked for an example. You're saying I did a mistake but not saying where. The rule you're talking about isn't a hard one. You don't have to put a "said" or synonym at every sentence. (My vocabulary is lacking so it's also why I don't like doing it too often. And yes I know about synonym dictionnairies I use them but still) You gave some examples yourself. So I'm asking: where was it that I should still have followed it? Because I know in some places I was "right" to not follow that rule. But I can't tell which one because I'm the writer.

And don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you're stopping by and giving feedback. I really do. But I want to learn from it. That's what it's for. And I can't if you just say "made a mistake" and lecture me on why mistakes are bad and why I'm not shakespeare. I'm just asking for a clear example, a moment in the text where it doesn't work. That way I can stop, look at the situation, asses why I did that, why it doesn't work, and learn from it. But right now I can't.

[Jest]

11887828
The mistake, quite simply is every single time you don't have a clear speaker. I could list them, but it would be almost all of them. It would actually take less time if I pointed out where you didn't mess this up but since you want examples, I'll give some examples from your last chapter.

"So... There's no repairing it?"

No speaker mentioned before that. Though the assumption is that Twilight said that, since that event actually happened after the line, a speaker is not apparent.

"What is that?" she said, shocked. "I thought Maëva's voice sounded a bit weird."

The last person mentioned was your hydra, so the assumption would be that any one of them said that since they are all female though I think you are trying to say that Cozy said that, again I have no idea who said that.

"Gee, princess. That's a harsh way of saying hello."

Again, the last mentioned person was Twydra, but I'm assuming you are implying that Cozy is speaking.

"A guide is on his way. So, who are they?"

No idea who said this, as the last person mentioned is Twilight, and both Cozy Glow and Cadance could have delivered this line.

"I don't think I can wait..." she muttered. "Cozy, can you point me towards the ruins?"

This might be Twilight but other characters have also mentioned an interest in the ruins so we cant be certain.

"We'll do our best to get back to Canterlot High as quickly as possible."

There is a coin toss if Cadance or Sunset said this, no idea.

"I know..."

No clue who could have said this as both Sunset and Twilight have the same motivations here.

"Thanks..."

Again, no clue who this is as there are no context clues available.

"If they need anything, come seek me, alright?"

This is probably Cadance but due to the previous sentence structure it could actually be Cozy or her.

"I only did it once!"

No idea who said this as the last person mentioned was Cozy, so I'm assuming this is Sunset? But it could also technically be Twilight so no idea the speaker here.

"Yeah, after betraying Celestia a few years prior."

Again, multiple characters could have said this, no idea who did.

"I'm just saying," the third head continued. "If-"

Its never actually mentioned anywhere in the story who is number one head, number two head and number three head. It could be order of delivery but that's just another assumption I have to make since you don't want to tell me whose talking.

"You're not wearing them?"

No idea who said this. The assumption is Cozy but other characters could have said it as well.

"I don't know. But the me here has probably read them. If they contain important information, we might as well be more than one to know about them. Two brains are better than one."

I have absolutely no idea who said this. The previous speaker was I think Sunset, but this line could have been delivered by either of the other heads so I have no idea.

"Found anything yet?"

Unknown speaker, no previously mentioned person. It could have been any three of the hydra heads, though if we look at it gramaticly then Flurry is the speaker but that doesn't make sense.

[IGIBAB]

11887866
Thank you.
Although I find myself already disagreeing with the second one. The last person mention is "her". So it's Cozy.
But I'll run through them all to see. Thank you still.

[Jest]

11887828
Yes there are some inherent things to speech but this is not a visual or auditory medium, we cant hear the inflection of the words and determine who is speaking or judge that something is shouted from the distance. If two characters are having a conversation in a crowded room in a text-based medium like writing yes it's most likely that the only thing you will see is them going back and forth but if you don't tell us that we have to guess every single time they speak. Any line delivered in that context could have been a stranger shouting from the back and we will simply never know for certain which is really not the point of writing. You are turning your stories into wild games where nothing is certain, and any line could have been delivered by a number of different people which is frustrating, messy, and ignores some of the most basic, fundamental aspects of writing in general.

Adding a "Twilight said" will not ruin your pacing or throw people off your story. (Certainly not as much as the mess that is your current form of dialogue) This is how things are written in English, and from the age of five, we are taught that when someone speaks in a story, a speaker is indicated to tell who is speaking.

Here are some guides.
1. Pay close attention to rules 1-3 these are very basic rules.

2. This one is a bit more advanced and a bit more detailed. Check this one out once you've mastered the previous one.

3. This one covers some stuff the previous two didn't and with all three I think you have writing dialogue mastered.

[Jest]

11887871
Every single character in that scene is female, "She/Her" doesn't help at all.

[IGIBAB]

11887879
"Cozy was flying in their direction but stopped in mid air, surprised, seeing the three heads turning to look at her." I don't see how in this sentence "her " can mean anyone other than Cozy. (Again English is not my mother tongue so maybe I'm mistaken)
Thanks for the links. I'll try to check it, but I still have issues with a lot of the ones you've highlighted, for example:

"We'll do our best to get back to Canterlot High as quickly as possible." -> It's said before that Candance is trying to reassure her. I even put a ":", isn't that a thing in English? (honest question)

"I only did it once!" -> Sunset said the line before Cozy's. Like, I kinda see where you're coming from on this one and not some others you haven't mentionned, because this one was shouted so it could apply to Twydra? But again, Sunset was the one saying the line before, so I thought the default assumption would be to think it's her? (Although now that I read it a "Sunset defended herself" or "Sunset said, offuscated" would have better conveyed the tone. But that's not what we're talking about here)

And others. And I'm not saying you've done those remarks in bad faith or anything. If you didn't understand them, yeah I guess that's on me.
I feel we're working and reading under very different assumptions. Your point of "Any line delivered in that context could have been a stranger shouting from the back and we will simply never know for certain" only works if you're assuming anyone can talk anytime without any precision ever been brought by the author. I work under the "Default to the expected. If two people we're talking, the next one talking are them, back and forth." (and people have "expected" even if they're not the authors) If I were to have a character say a line, then a description, then say a line again (and not the person they're talking to), yeah I would add something saying they "took a pause before resuming" or from the like. But if I don't say anything (and don't read anything) saying otherwise, I assume the next line is from their interlocutor. I wonder if that's cultural?

It's also funny because you're the first one to repproach me the "gimmick" of "first line of a new scene being a spoken sentence by a character that is only named in the next paragraph" that I've used twice in this chapter. I've used it probably dozens of times over the years and never seen a complaint about it. Makes me wonder if that's also cultural or if everyone that ever read me lied or forgot to mention it. Because that's definetly something that I've read before (that's why I use it) and it didn't bother me.

I'll take what you've said into account, don't worry. I'll be wary of that. But I'm not sure I will apply it as thoroughly (had to google that one) as you would. Because I don't feel like I would like that kind of story. We're not 5, I'm not writing for 5 years old. And I don't mean that as a burn or anything. Just, you mentionned you're taught from 5 that you put something after a line, but that's only because you don't nuance too much with 5 years old. And it's better to have a general rules that works all the time they can apply. But I feel adults writing/reading for adults could/should expand beyond that. It's an art, not a science. (well tbh even science expands beyond what you learn at 5, so bad example...) And I don't want a story to hold my hand at all time. So I don't want that in my stories either. Not saying that I'm succeeding in that.
Either way, you gave me food for thoughts. Sorry for the mistakes btw, I'm sure I've made a lot in those comments.

[Jest]

11887915

"Cozy was flying in their direction but stopped in mid air, surprised, seeing the three heads turning to look at her." I don't see how in this sentence "her " can mean anyone other than Cozy.

I have absolutely no idea why you are bringing up a completely different sentence so I'm just going to ignore this.

"We'll do our best to get back to Canterlot High as quickly as possible." -> It's said before that Candance is trying to reassure her. I even put a ":", isn't that a thing in English? (honest question)

That isn't used in this context. Especially not in writing dialogue. That isn't a dialogue tag and a speaker isn't apparent.

"I only did it once!" -> Sunset said the line before Cozy's. Like, I kinda see where you're coming from on this one and not some others you haven't mentionned, because this one was shouted so it could apply to Twydra? But again, Sunset was the one saying the line before, so I thought the default assumption would be to think it's her? (Although now that I read it a "Sunset defended herself" or "Sunset said, offuscated" would have better conveyed the tone. But that's not what we're talking about here)

You cannot make that assumption in a room full of people. If we are assuming who the speaker is based on grammer the answer is Cozy Glow since she was the last one to speak and there are no dialogue tags. If we are assuming based on who might say it the answer is either Sunset, or Twilight, but again we can't know for sure.

We should not have to guess. We should not have to turn ever single line of dialogue into a game of "whose talking?" Just tell us. There is no excuse for this. Just tell the reader who is speaking.

And others. And I'm not saying you've done those remarks in bad faith or anything. If you didn't understand them, yeah I guess that's on me.
I feel we're working and reading under very different assumptions. Your point of "Any line delivered in that context could have been a stranger shouting from the back and we will simply never know for certain" only works if you're assuming anyone can talk anytime without any precision ever been brought by the author. I work under the "Default to the expected. If two people we're talking, the next one talking are them, back and forth." (and people have "expected" even if they're not the authors) If I were to have a character say a line, then a description, then say a line again (and not the person they're talking to), yeah I would add something saying they "took a pause before resuming" or from the like. But if I don't say anything (and don't read anything) saying otherwise, I assume the next line is from their interlocutor. I wonder if that's cultural?

You are just wrong here I'm sorry to say. Not sure why you think that way, it's just not how you write in English. Maybe it's a french thing.

It's also funny because you're the first one to repproach me the "gimmick" of "first line of a new scene being a spoken sentence by a character that is only named in the next paragraph" that I've used twice in this chapter. I've used it probably dozens of times over the years and never seen a complaint about it. Makes me wonder if that's also cultural or if everyone that ever read me lied or forgot to mention it. Because that's definetly something that I've read before (that's why I use it) and it didn't bother me.

This gimmick is fine when it makes it obvious who is talking, which is where you fail. If a character is alone in a room and it starts with "Augh!" Then the answer is the character said it. You are using the gimmick incorrectly by having crowded rooms, and only ever hinting at the speaker and never saying who said it. Which is weird? Like, why do you refuse to say who is talking? The way you have it now things look incredibly sloppy, disjointed, and the product of AI. So it doesn't actually help with aesthetics. Unless part of why you write is to purposefully confuse people and turn every scene into a weird meta-contextual game of who said what.

I'll take what you've said into account, don't worry. I'll be wary of that. But I'm not sure I will apply it as thoroughly (had to google that one) as you would. Because I don't feel like I would like that kind of story. We're not 5, I'm not writing for 5 years old. And I don't mean that as a burn or anything. Just, you mentionned you're taught from 5 that you put something after a line, but that's only because you don't nuance too much with 5 years old. And it's better to have a general rules that works all the time they can apply. But I feel adults writing/reading for adults could/should expand beyond that. It's an art, not a science. (well tbh even science expands beyond what you learn at 5, so bad example...) And I don't want a story to hold my hand at all time. So I don't want that in my stories either. Not saying that I'm succeeding in that.

You are grossly exaggerating things. I did not say "Make sure every single sentence ends with 'blank said'. All I'm saying is to make it obvious who is talking, that is it. Please stop trying to take me out of context and frame this as some grand attack against the very concept of artistic expression. That is not what is happening, and you need to stop pretending otherwise. By choosing to make your dialogue a confusing mess which from the outside looking in, appears as though an AI wrote this story, then you fed it through some bad translation software. Your stories are at times, completely illegible, and look terrible. Simply making your dialogue understandable to people who aren't you is not some great artistic sacrifice I am trying to force upon you it is just a straight upgrade.

Final thing. I gotta ask is the point to evoke confusion in your readers? Or do you simply not care enough about your writing to even make sense in the first place?

Either way, you should have pride in your work and you should care about what you do, even if it's just a hobby my friend.

Minor thing, but the reason you probably haven't gotten many people pointing this out is that the stories of yours that get views are shitposts. Which are fine don't get me wrong, but the quality bar for shitposts is very low. Most serious readers will see how primative your writing is and simply pass, thinking that it's probably just another AI prompter trying to pass off the work of a computer as their own. Or at least that's what the few people who I passed your work to thought of your writing. My first thought was that you were someone who didn't speak the language and simply didn't care enough to be understood.

[IGIBAB]

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(was about to go to PM but I guess it's easier if we keep the text under our eyes)

"What is that?" she said, shocked. "I thought Maëva's voice sounded a bit weird."

The last person mentioned was your hydra, so the assumption would be that any one of them said that since they are all female though I think you are trying to say that Cozy said that, again I have no idea who said that.

"Cozy was flying in their direction but stopped in mid air, surprised, seeing the three heads turning to look at her." I don't see how in this sentence "her " can mean anyone other than Cozy.

I was referencing that. It's the line before. (should have used quote before, mb)

That isn't used in this context. Especially not in writing dialogue. That isn't a dialogue tag and a speaker isn't apparent.

I see. Guess I've done that mistake a couple of times already.

You cannot make that assumption in a room full of people.

Well, I do. But guess I found out I'm the only one.

If we are assuming who the speaker is based on grammer the answer is Cozy Glow since she was the last one to speak and there are no dialogue tags.

I don't see how...? Is that a thing, having a character say two lines back to back with not description with a linebreak?

You are just wrong here I'm sorry to say. Not sure why you think that way, it's just not how you write in English. Maybe it's a french thing.

Don't be sorry, I'm here to learn still. Don't know if it's a french thing or just me thinking in weird ways, but either way I'm still curious and glad to learn.

You are grossly exaggerating things. I did not say "Make sure every single sentence ends with 'blank said'. All I'm saying is to make it obvious who is talking, that is it. Please stop trying to take me out of context and frame this as some grand attack against the very concept of artistic expression. That is not what is happening, and you need to stop pretending otherwise.

I'm sorry if you feel like I've taken you out of context, that wasn't my intention. Never wanted to make it look like a grand attack or whatnot.

the product of a mix of bad translation software and shoddy AI

This story is written in english from the start and I'd rather not write anything than have to resort to AI, even for translation. But I guess that was more for the comparison? Just wanted to make it clear.

Final thing. I gotta ask is the point to evoke confusion in your readers? Or do you simply not care enough about your writing to even make sense in the first place?

I'm not going to answer those and try not to take them as an insult. I'm sure I can appear very hard to work with on your end, I get that don't worry. But we're both writers, we both know the answers to those.

Either way, you should have pride in your work and you should care about what you do

I actually have too much of the first one, and the simple fact we both went on for so long shows you I have the second as well. Again, trying not to take it as an insult.

I'll be making changes in the chapters published and yet to come so that the dialogues aren't ambiguous.

[Jest]

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I'll just leave it at this.

My observation is that you don't speak with the intention of being understood. You place a strange amount of personal pride on not using the rules of proper grammar and by pretending as though you are somehow above the rules of writing. You think that by indicating who is talking in a more direct fashion (Some of the time, half the time you seem fine saying who is talking) you are somehow losing something when the opposite couldn't be more true. You are a very early amateur who is very new to writing and you have a lot of strange beliefs that you should critically examine. It may seem as though it is beneath you to study grammar but trust me it will help you immensely.

Good luck out there.