Trixie and The Space Pirates

by Mr. Grimm

A Unicorn's Impatience

“What?!” roared the azure unicorn as she narrowed her fiery eyes at the android christened Silver, “What do you mean the captain can’t speak with Trixie?!” The bearded android seemed incredibly relaxed, contrasting greatly with the fuming equine.

“He said he’s busy at the moment,” he said with a shrug, “He’ll be down to see you as soon as he can.” Predictably this was not an acceptable answer for Trixie, and she was quick to let it be known.

“This is an outrage!” she snarled, “The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that you call him again and tell him to bring his rusted backside to see her!” The furious frown on her face faltered for a moment as the air around her was filled with a chorus of laughter. The unicorn turned to see that the pirates were chuckling, their mechanical bodies whirring and clicking as they shook with mirth. This took some of the wind from her sails, knocking fierce grimace down into a hateful sneer.

“What are you all laughing at?” she growled, trying and failing to look intimidating, “The Great and Powerful Trixie will not tolerate impudence against her!” She stomped her hooves in annoyance. This only sent the crew of misfits into another round of guffawing. Trixie snorted and looked over at Quarter, expecting some sort of assistance. Instead she found the android slowly inching away from her, a meek smile on his face. Through some miracle of empathy on her own part, Trixie understood she had embarrassed him. Instead of feeling some element of remorse for causing his obvious discomfort, the unicorn only felt anger for him. However, her attention suddenly turned to look at a taller, thin android who spoke to her.

“Look,” he said, finally calmed down from the collective fit of laughter, “The Cap’n’s always busy on Fridays. He’ll be down here sooner or later.” As with the first answer, this was not well received.

“But Trixie is his prisoner!” cried the disgruntled equine, “How are we to negotiate my release if he doesn’t speak to me?”

“You’ll just have to wait, then,” said the tall android, “Like I said, he’ll be down here some time or another.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t have time to wait!” shrieked the fraudulent magician, looking very much like the spoiled foal she’d been in her youth, “She has many places of great importance to perform! She can’t sit around this hideous hulk of a ship!” The petite female with the long black wires in a ponytail suddenly stepped forward out of the crowd.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” she said as she narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger at the mare, “Are you saying you’re a…performer?”

“I would not expect a lowlife pirate such as yourself to even understand the meaning of the word,” Trixie said contemptuously, “But yes, The Great and Powerful Trixie is a performer. The most distinguished one in Equestria, for that matter.” There was another round of laughter, but this time it came in the form of a series of low, knowing snickers, coupled with metallic clanks as some of the androids elbowed each other. For some reason, the wry grins the pirates gave her made Trixie nervous.

“Alright,” said the female pirate, “We would have taken you for a bigwig or something, but I guess ‘performers’ can be pompous idiots too.” The look on Trixie’s face after hearing this statement sent the pirates into another fit of laughter.

“You…I…” Trixie fumed, but the unicorn was so enraged that she could think of nothing to say for several minutes. When she finally regained her voice, she unleashed a spiteful tirade upon the audio-receptors of the impudent android.

“You little worm!” she screeched, “How dare you try and tarnish the Great and Powerful Trixie’s sparkling reputation!” She turned away and looked upon the pirates as a whole. “You are all the most disrespectful, most imbecilic beings Trixie has ever had the displeasure of knowing! I’ll have each and every one of you sold for scrap once I’ve told the captain of how you’ve mistreated me!”

Trixie would have continued, but once again lost her power of speech as the crew of rusted pirates drew their sabers. The unicorn began to sweat profusely as she looked at the forest of blades that encircled her, and eventually fell back on her haunches as her legs gave out from fear.

“Alright,” she gulped in a voice so soft it was barely audible, “L-let’s try and be reasonable about this…”

“We will if you will,” Quarter muttered out of the side of his mouth. Trixie winced as she felt the tip of a cutlass prod her soft belly.

“Okay, Great and Powerful Nutcase,” said the female pirate, “We’re going to go back to work, you’re going wait quietly until the captain comes. We clear?” Trixie nodded slowly, and the circle of swords disappeared as the pirates sheathed their weapons. “Good. Who’s gonna watch her?”

“I-I will,” volunteered Quarter as he sidestepped forward. This was silently agreed on by everyone else, as it was evident that no one wished to look after the loudmouthed equine. Trixie remained seated as the crew dispersed back to their duties, her heart still racing. Her cheeks burned red with humiliation, contrasting against the rest of her palled face. She turned and glared at Quarter, who looked sheepish as ever.

“Ahm…Well, I’m sorry about that,” he said. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but didn’t know how to continue on. It didn’t really matter, for at that moment Trixie opened her mouth again.

“Alright,” she said, her insufferable pride returning now that her life wasn’t on the line, “The Great and Powerful Trixie understands you are to be her guard now. Where shall I be staying?”

“Not…anywhere, really,” Quarter answered, “I mean, you won’t be locked up or anything. I guess you can just come sit by me while I sort through some goods.” Trixie’s eyes went wide with disbelief.

“You mean I’m to be…watched…like a child?” she asked, sounding rather infuriated. Quarter frowned uncomfortably, but nodded all the same. Trixie’s left eye twitched, and she bared her teeth threateningly at the nervous android.

“Do you not understand who you’re dealing with?” she growled through her grimace, “The Great and Powerful Trixie cannot be monitored like some mere foal. Only the utmost security can contain her! A pitiful excuse for a guard like you will never do!”

“Um…Can we please get going?” said Quarter, “I have a lot of work to do, and--”

“Do you think Trixie cares what sort of labor you engage in?” she cried, “I won’t stand for this indignity!”

“Well…I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you,” Quarter sighed, “Come on now. I really need to get back to work.” Trixie’s mouth fell open in shock as he simply started walking away from her.

“Come back here!” she called as she started after him, “Look at Trixie when she’s addressing you!” She continued to rant in this manner as she followed Quarter past several of the large boxes, as well as through small stations where androids worked with buzzing saws and sparking welding torches. The sound of this activity drowned out her voice for the most part, but she kept up her tirade all the same, as eventually they came into a quiet little corner of the room where some of the metal boxes were opened.

“And another thing!” Trixie shouted, “The level of insubordination displayed by you and your peers is atrocious! I would expect better behavior from a pack of wild manticores!” She continued to grow angrier and angrier as Quarter completely ignored her, instead focusing on large box before him. He reached inside and began to pull out a variety of items that were alien to Trixie, tossing them into bins that contained similar objects. When at last she realized he wasn’t going to respond to her angry remarks, Trixie grew quiet. It was only for a moment, but when she began again, she didn’t seem quite so agitated.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know what this vessel’s destination is,” she said, grasping the edge of the box with her forelegs and leaning over to peer inside. Quarter looked over at her as he fumbled with something that resembled a slinky.

“Erm…I don’t really know,” replied Quarter, “I’m not in charge of navigation.” There was a pause as Trixie reached down into the metal crate and rooted around through the collection of odds and ends.

“…What exactly is it that you’re in charge of?” the mare said as she raised an eyebrow, gazing at what appeared to be a mechanized spork. She glared indignantly as Quarter reached over and snatched it out of her hoof.

“Sorting the loot,” replied the android as he carefully set the spork in a smaller box, “Careful with that, you’ll put an eye out.” The magician looked back into the crate.

“Loot?” she snorted disappointedly, “You call this garbage loot? How is it you haven’t been fired yet?”

“…Well, we’re doing the best we can,” Quarter sighed at last. Trixie rolled her eyes as she trotted over to what she perceived to be a bench.

“Your ‘best’ is some of the worst quality of work I’ve ever seen,” she said as she seated herself upon the bench, “I’m not even a pirate, and even I know that nothing in that box qualifies as ‘loot’.” Quarter looked over at the snotty unicorn, who now leisurely sat upon the shaft that led down to the garbage room. It took all of his programmed will and then some to resist reaching over and pressing the button that would send her tumbling down to where he had originally found her.

“Um…Trixie--”

“Great and Powerful Trixie,” the equine corrected, not looking at him.

“Great and Powerful Trixie,” Quarter said nervously, “Um…I don’t think you should sit there.” The unicorn turned her head and shot him a contemptuous glare.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie shall sit where she wants,” she huffed, “She is not so stupid as to not know where she can and cannot sit.” Quarter was torn between giggling at her stupidity and pitying it. He chose to pity it, and tried once more to convince the magician to come down from her precarious choice of seating.

“I really think you should come down from there,” he said, “That’s the--”

“It’s the only thing within a hundred feet of here that isn’t covered in grease,” shot back Trixie, “And The Great and Powerful Trixie has no wish to stain her magnificent coat. Go back to sorting your ‘loot’.” Quarter gave one last look at the button on the wall. He sighed and went back to work.

Comments

[metallusionsismagic]

“…Well, we’re doing the best of can,”

I saw this continued, and tried to mimic these emotes simultaneously:
:pinkieyay: Grr, it's not working!

[zsewqthewolf]

and than trixie become like them