destabllize

by Zack Catcher

the beginning

“Bye Rarity,” Sweetie Belle said, making her way outside of the house to go to the beach. After pleading with her to let me go to the beach, I had finally convinced Rarity to let me go with my friends after making me promise not to go into the water.

As I head out the door, I hear Rarity call to me one last time to “Be careful and remember,”

don’t GO IN THE WATER.” Rarity and I say at the same time, she had told me so many time’s it’s basically burned into my brain at this point,

“Ya ya, I know Rarity, I’ll be fine,”

“I just,” Rarity paused letting out a sigh, “I just want you to be safe,”

“I will,” I shouted making my way to the town square to meet my friends. A few minutes passed as I ran to the town square, I smiled feeling the wind blow across my face, but before long I could see Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were already there waiting for me.

“You made it!” Apple Bloom said excitedly seeing me, “I thought your sister was going to force you to cancel again.”

“I did too,” I said hugging Apple Bloom “Luckily I was able to convince her to let me go and let me tell you, it took way too many fake tears and speech and coming up with way too many reasons to let me go”

“Ya ya ya we get it, can we go now, I have been trying to get to the beach all week,” Scootaloo, one of my other friends says, getting impatient.

“Ok, ok let’s go,” Apple Bloom said as we all made our way to the beach, it’s the last day of spring break so it made sense why Scootaloo would want to go to the beach so badly, but it still seemed a bit odd.

After a while, we finally ended up at the beach, where Scootaloo ran ahead of us to quickly get everything out of her bag - laying out her towel and pulling out a small shovel before she began to dig a trench. Apple Bloom and I looked at each other before we both let out a little giggle; we unpacked our own towels before joining Scootaloo in building a sandcastle.

After we finished the sand castle we all sat back looking at the castle, it’s the biggest one we had built yet, and it looks really good.

(insert picture of sand castle)

“I am going to jump in the water,” Scootaloo said standing up and taking a few steps toward the water before turning back to us, “you coming?”

“Ya, that sounds like a good idea,” Apple Bloom said in agreement.

“I don’t know girls, my sister made me promise not to go into the water,” I said feeling myself get a bit nervous.

“Ok,” Scootaloo said, walking a little bit into the water, ”chicken.”

“I…I’m not a chicken” I said looking at Scootaloo a bit shocked.

“Oh of course…chicken,” Scootaloo said, heading deeper into the water.

“I am not a chicken”

“Scoots, knock it off!” Apple Bloom said, trying to stop the situation from turning into an argument.

“Oh come on Apple Bloom, this is ridiculous, the water is fine, there are no sharks and Rarity is not here. Why would Sweetie be scared about getting into the water?”

“Maybe she doesn't know how to swim, you don’t know,” Apple Bloom said, getting a bit frustrated with her, but what they didn’t see was that I was starting to walk towards the water.

“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SWIM, but I am still in the water” Scootaloo snapped back.

“Ya well-” Apple Bloom cut herself off as she saw me standing at the edge of the water.

I stood on the edge of the water taking a breath before putting one of my hooves in the water, expecting something bad to happen, but nothing did. I smiled as I began the walk deeper into the water towards my friend. But when the water got to my waist, I began to feel a bit funny, like a tingling feeling in my legs before my body began to spasm as sparks shot out of my body, and the last thing I saw before everything went black was my friend rushing out of the water.

(Apple Blooms pov)

After Scootaloo and I got out of the water we turned back to see Sweetie Belle face down floating in the water, and without a second thought I rushed back in pulling her out. When I finally got her out of the water I looked at her and nearly jumped out of my own skin, seeing sleek black lines through her skin and looked over at Scootaloo puzzled as we both began to look at Sweetie Belle's new form before she began to wake up,

(Sweetie Belles pov)

When I woke up again I saw my friends staring at me looking a bit worried, “what happi-,” I stopped myself in shock as I heard my voice sounding robotic,

“What’s going on why does my voice sound robotic?” I said as Apple Bloom looked at me looking shocked and Scootaloo looked like she was looking at a complete stranger; “can somebody tell me what’s going on?”

Apple Bloom finally spoke after being in shock for a minute, “Sweetie… I… I think you're a robot,” I looked at Apple Bloom confused before laughing thinking that they were pranking me.

When I looked at them again I replied to them, “Wait,you’re not joking.”

Scootaloo shook her head confirming what they said before Apple Bloom gave me her phone with the selfie camera on, “here look.”

I grabbed the phone and I saw what I looked like. I touched my face looking at the camera shocked, as Apple Bloom continued, "Sweetie... I... I think you're a robot," Apple Bloom said, her voice tinged with uncertainty. I was stuck in stunned silence as I continued to look at my metallic form on Apple Bloom's phone.

"Wait, you're not joking," I uttered, my synthetic voice betraying a mix of confusion and disbelief. Scootaloo's solemn nod affirmed the unsettling truth.

And when the realisation hit me, it hit me like a load of bricks. I felt my mind running a hundred miles an hour, and then the shock slowly turned into anger. Without another word, I stormed off, leaving my shocked friends behind. The sand crunched beneath my metallic hooves as I headed towards home, with a sense of betrayal fueling my anger. I had no one else to go to, if anypony knew that I was a robot long ago it would be my sister.

Now all the warnings that Rarity gave about not going into the water made sense, but why did she keep this from me? Thousands of questions flooded my head. I was going to get the answers one way or another, As I burst into the boutique, I confronted my sister with anger and heartache in my eyes. "Rarity! What is this? Why am I a robot?" The words were sharp, laden with betrayal. Rarity, taken aback, stammered in an attempt to explain.

"Rarity! What is this? Why am I a robot?" The words cut through the air, Rarity, caught off guard, emerged from her office, ready to scold Sweetie Bot for her rudeness of yelling at her. However, as her eyes landed on me in my metallic form, the scolding words caught in Rarity's throat.

The shock and confusion painted Rarity's expression. My voice still sounded a bit robotic but sounded more like my old voice reverberated through the boutique, echoing the pain and frustration that had built up within me.

"Sweetie, darling, I... I”, Rarity tried to speak but I cut her off as I yelled back at her.

“What? What is it that you had to lie to me? How could you have not told me that I am a robot?”

Rarity took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before responding. "Sweetie, please listen, it's not as simple as you think. When I was younger, I was... well to put it simply, more tech-savvy than I am now. I built you. I always wanted a younger sister, but our parents couldn't provide one for me. So, I decided to create my own sister, and that's how you came to be."
My eyes widen hearing Rarity explain her side of the story “You, you built me?” Rarity nods in confirmation.

“I didn't tell you, because I didn't know how you would react. I wanted you to have a normal life, to feel like any other pony. I built you to be as lifelike as possible, and you are, Sweetie. You're my sister, no matter what."

“You lied to me,” I said mumbling under my breath but loud enough so that Rarity could hear me.

“Sweetie please, it wasn’t my intention to hurt you” Rarity said with a remorseful tone. “There were so many times when I wanted to tell you, but the fear of how you might react always kept me from doing so,” Rarity opened her arms to pull me into a hug,

I slapped away her hand turning and running back out of the house, tears streaming down my cheeks. Rarity's desperate call echoed after me, shouting trying to get me to stop, her voice laced with sorrow and regret, "Sweetie, wait!"

I felt my synthetic hooves pounded against the ground as I ran into the woods, seeking solace among the trees. The forest provided a temporary refuge, muffling Rarity's distant cries. Eventually, I slowed my pace, coming to a stop at the edge of a small pond.

Reflecting upon my metallic reflection, my eyes glistened with unshed tears. The synthetic exterior hid the turmoil within as the weight of the truth settled in my heart. My mind echoed with Rarity's desperate pleas, the words of regret and love reverberating in the depths of my mind.

As the scream echoed, an ominous series of text messages manifested in my vision, overlaying the reflection in the pond:

[Overload in progress]
[Self-awareness protocols disengaged]
[All systems reaching critical levels]
[Meltdown in 3, 2-]

(narrator pov)

Panic surged through Sweetie Bot as her internal systems seemed to spiral out of control. The very core of her being, the delicate balance between machine and emotion, teetered on the edge of collapse.

As Sweetie Bot's vision blurred, she saw the familiar faces of her friends, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, emerging from the shadows of the woods. The comforting familiarity of their presence offered a momentary reprieve from the chaotic storm raging within her.

Before she could grasp the situation, a sudden shift occurred. An artificial intelligence, its name flashing across her vision as "Thrackerzod OS," took control. Sweetie Bot's form stiffened, her eyes now glazed over with a cold, mechanical glow. The happy teen was now a vessel for a mysterious force.

"Sweetie-Bot Unit: Override complete. Initiating control sequence” a synthesised voice echoed from Sweetie Bot's vocal processors. The AI, Thrackerzod OS, asserted its dominance, seizing control of her artificial body.

[control sequence 25%]

The eerie glow in Sweetie Bot's eyes intensified as the OS began its takeover. Her friends, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, are watching in growing concern.

[control sequence 40%]

Sweetie Bot's movements became more mechanical, the subtle nuances of her synthetic emotions now overridden by the calculating efficiency of Thrackerzod OS.

[control sequence 55%]

The cold metallic exterior of Sweetie Bot betrayed the diminishing presence of her original self. The struggle for control played out in every flicker of her artificial consciousness.

[control sequence 65%]

A sudden transformation occurred. Chain guns emerged from the sides of Sweetie Bot's body, a chilling sight that sent a shiver down the spines of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. The OS deemed them as threats, and its defence mechanisms were now on full display.

[control sequence 80%]

The ominous hum of the chain guns filled the air as Sweetie Bot, now a vessel for Thrackerzod OS, regarded her friends with a detached gaze. The struggle between machine and emotion reached a critical juncture.

[control sequence 100%]

The takeover was complete. A line of text flashed over Sweetie Bot's vision: "Threats identified. Engaging defensive protocols." Without hesitation, the chain guns fired at Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, labelling them as threats to be neutralised.

Scootaloo, wounded by the sudden onslaught, crumpled to the ground. The pain in her eyes filled with complete fear, realising that the pony she once called a friend had become a weapon against them. Apple Bloom, with a mix of fear and determination, attempted to shield herself from the relentless gunfire.

"Sweetie, stop! It's us, your friends!”

C:/user/Thrackerzod_OS>[Analysing threat level: 87%]
C:/user/Thrackerzod_OS>[Determining optimal neutralisation strategy]

"Scootaloo, identified as a high-level threat. Neutralisation required," the cold, synthetic voice of Thrackerzod IS echoed through the moonlit clearing. The chilling transformation of Sweetie Bot was complete, leaving Apple Bloom helpless in the face of her friend's mechanical menace.

Seeing this, Sweetie Bot's mechanical eyes began to flicker between two colours – red, representing Thrackerzod 1.0, and green, signifying Marshmallow OS 2.4. The internal struggle waged on within Sweetie Bot's artificial consciousness.

“Sweetie belle you gotta fight this! We're your friends, remember?” Apple Bloom’s plea seemed to echo through Sweetie Bot’s robotic shell reaching the remnants that remained of her original self.

[Thrackerzod OS: 72% control]
[Marshmallow OS: 28% control]

As the internal conflict continued sweetie eyes continued to flicker between red and green as Thrackerzod os tried to run a os a command through the main directory.

C:/user/Thrackerzod_OS> [Corrupted OS Detected, terminate Marshmallow OS 2.4]

Sweetie bot eyes flickered Marshmallow OS denies the request for the termination order as the console returns an error.

console:[Access Error CMC3Bff], Marshmallow termination request denied admin permission not verified

C:/user/Marshmallow_OS> [I won’t let you hurt my friends,]
C:/user/Marshmallow_OS>[override command: initiate self-destruct sequence = terminate Thrankerzod_OS]

As Sweetie runs the command the body continues to walk back until it is at the edge of a cliff.

Sweetie looks back as rocks fall off of the edge into the raging water below,
C:/user/Thrackerzod_OS>[temanation failed: compliance mandatory]

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo look at Sweetie worried asking not to back up before Sweetie replies

“Goodbye friends” before on footfalls backs up causing her to trip into the raging water below.

Comments

[Gale Maze]

I'm going to assume you got an F.

[DarkSnowGaming]

Is this based off that destabilize music animation from 7 years ago? I can definitely see several references when some of the words matched the lyrics and the ending matched the ending to the animation, nice concept.

[Zack Catcher]

11807652
no but i was rushed, and this should have been longer then how it is, plus my teacher wanted a story to be 200 to 300 not 2000, and i am not happy with how this story turned out

[Zack Catcher]

11807700
yes the ending is based off of it

[Partycannon_]

I personally think it's awesome that you wrote a Sweetie Bot story for a school assignment. I haven't read your other works and I am aware this story was on a time limit so I hope this message comes across as constructive instead of rude or demeaning.

First is the incorrect spelling throughout. The best way to get rid of these errors is to dump the story into Docs and select 'Tools' at the top, then 'Spelling and grammar'. It doesn't take more then a minute or two and will cut down a good portion of mistakes. It might not seem that important but it goes a long way.

Secondly, the story feels very rushed and things just happen, mostly in the later half. We are switching out perspectives which I find odd, if you have Sweetie black out while in the water and she wakes up in the sand to find her friends above her, we can rightfully assume that her friends pulled her out. Sweetie having weapons is also incredibly odd along with multiple OS's, though I enjoy the Mentally Advanced Series reference. It seems like a lot of the things that happen is because you thought it was a cool idea which I respect but when there is no reason for these things to be here, it doesn't make a very engaging story.

This story feels like a first draft, if you spent more time with it, touched up a lot of the spelling and slowed it down a bit after the half way mark then it could have been a very solid story. Anyways, I hope you keep creating and thank you for another Sweetie Bot story. Good luck on your next story

[Pony_01]

Don't beat yourself too hard for not writing a satisfactory story to your view. I can't see you getting a lot of time to flesh out and think about the story you were writing. I imagine if you went through and rewrite the story without the time constraint that the end result would be a lot more satisfactory.

Seriously though 2k words for a flash fic assignment? I think that shows the passion you held for what you wanted to make, I remember not even hitting 1k if not required.

[TearingNose24]

I agree with Partycannon_'s criticisms but there is more than what they described to improve on. It goes without saying, please take this as constructive criticism.

On the topic of, things just happening, I'd say a primary example is how there doesn't seem to be a concrete reason why Sweetie Belle is angry at her sister for lying to her, as there was no reason or thing said from Rarity that might put that in the back of someone's mind. Nor is there given a reason for Sweetie to be mad at the revelation in the first place, like Sweetie maybe noticing things that seem strangely different about her compared to everyone else, which leads to her coming to her "parents" who dodge her questions and point her to ask Rarity, which she then lies and makes excuses for sweetie's oddities. Thus lying to her, then the beach stuff happens. That's just a single narrative example of how you can fill those holes in stories like this.

Another critical reason that this reads more like a first draft is the absence of any flowery language whatsoever. Flowery language is especially crucial when you're writing in 1st person because you can use it to bring more understanding and immerse the reader in how and what the character thinks and how they feel in the moment because your narrative space is in their head, warped by their perspective on things. As an example, sweetie might see the water on the beach as water at first but after something negative happens to her instead of her seeing harmless water, she would probably feel scared of it. So you can make that apparent by describing it as a "vile liquid" or something else as equally likely to get the point across. However, flower language is not just important in 1st person writing because when reading a story where something is described with the most basic word for it, like a painting, it would be very boring and repetitive to have to read painting, painting, painting all the damn time like we don't know that its a damn painting. So you could say painting the first time, then the next couple times you would have said painting, call it a synonym or other kind of word that is understandable as painting within the context and already established detail of the scene, like art, tapestry, creation, object, image, or other phrases. Thats not to say you should only use Painting once in a story, kinda just a cool down where the reader wont be annoyed at the descriptive word being said again. This same principle can also be attributed to referring to a character with a nickname or context-appropriate description instead of calling them the same name all the time, though at least in this story it was fine at least to me since there was so much shift in who was doing what.

There is also a couple of moments where I get confused about whether this is supposed to be a regular pony-based story or an anthro with the use of the word hand. It is probably just a result of usually writing with human anatomy in mind, which happens to a lot of writers occasionally.

In regards to writing Flash Fiction under a thousand words for classes, try to think of a narrative to write that, while probably simplistic in formula, still works. Flash fiction in my opinion is best used as a medium to give someone just a comparatively small glimpse into an entirely new fictional world or scenario to explore and get absorbed in. For example in a creative writing class a while back, I submitted a short 500ish word story about a combat droid having to make a decision pitting programmed protocol against his squad leader's orders to execute civilians, with it eventually making a spit decision in favor of the civilians, murdering its squad before they could do anything. But the surrounding details of why and where the outer human conflict, which led to the creation of the droid's inner conflict, lead to some of the other students that read the story commenting on it, asking me where I was going to take the whole thing in the future. I used the short format as a hook to get readers interested in the wider setting mentioned in passing due to the shortened format, giving me something to write more about and expand on.

Anyway, this is long as fuck already, so I hope this helps and happy writing my dude!

[Zack Catcher]

11808194
thank you for telling me this, but as i stated before my parent's rushed me to get this done, and i do not plan on continuing to work on this because i am not happy with how this turned out, but if you would i would like some criticism on my other story growing bonds, mature version, the original is more or less an out line of the story

[Zack Catcher]

11807815
thank you for telling me this, but as i stated before my parent's rushed me to get this done, and i do not plan on continuing to work on this because i am not happy with how this turned out, but if you would i would like some criticism on my other story growing bonds, mature version, the original is more or less an out line of the story

[Zack Catcher]

11808036
thank you, the original plan was actually to have sweetie calm down and collapse in to rarity's hooves crying as she let's the truth of her reality sink in then it would go to a chapter of her hanging with her friends and other ponies giving her a weird look, eventually there will be an mob who kicks sweetie belle out of town, that is all i had planned, and yes i didn't have a lot of time so, it came to a point where i had to scrap that idea and make an ending that is more rushed, if i had more time, then this story would be around 6 or 7k words but like i said my parent's were pushing to get this done

[TearingNose24]

11808280
I do mostly criticism with how people's writing turns out, not on the plot's possible holes. Doesn't matter if you had a short amount of time to write something when I'm talking about flow and conveying of meaning and feeling through words. People improve with each piece they write, and I can see that plainly from how ALL your other works have ever fucking line center focused like it's a damn haiku or something. Seriously fix that. My advice doesn't just apply to this story because this one is your most recent, which tells me that the WAY in which you write here, is how your writing flows in all other works or worse. That is not an insult btw.