Rage of the Sun

MHero of Magic
MLP: FiM
Halo
Dark
Adventure
In order to find Sunset, Twilight ends up on an adventure of her own
Violence
Gore
Death
Anthro
Crossover
Alt. Universe
Twilight
Sunset Shimmer
HeartfireFirebrand 2 · 4.3k words · 44 views

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Comments ( 15 )

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SockPuppet

SockPuppet #1 · January 9th · 1 · · Chapter 1: Sunset ·

My Brother in Christ

HeartfireFirebrand 2

HeartfireFirebrand 2 #2 · January 10th · 2 · · Chapter 1: Sunset ·

11795187
Don't just say that, if it absolute rubbish tell me. Also tell me why?

AvoidingFever17

AvoidingFever17 #3 · January 10th · · · Chapter 1: Sunset ·

...
Oh boy
THE ONLY THING THEY FEAR IS YOU SUNSET

HeartfireFirebrand 2

HeartfireFirebrand 2 #4 · January 10th · · · Chapter 1: Sunset ·

11795519
It will take a bit for me to finish it. It's hard to make an interesting story with only two characters interacting while more or less tearing everything in their way apart.

AvoidingFever17

AvoidingFever17 #5 · January 10th · · · Chapter 1: Sunset ·

11795532
Alright

SockPuppet

SockPuppet #6 · January 10th · · · Chapter 1: Sunset ·

11795430
Well, if you're honestly asking, read my blog on how to write combat.

This reads like you've played a ton of video games but never read an actual novel from the library or bookstore in your life. Prose has different strengths than movies or anime or video games, so writing prose requires you recognize those strengths and use them, and not try to render what makes a video game cool in prose, because that's not possible.

You are basically writing a book report on a video game -- "X happened, then Y happened, then Z happened" -- which loses all of prose's strengths.

HeartfireFirebrand 2