My Brother in Christ

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Don't just say that, if it absolute rubbish tell me. Also tell me why?

...
Oh boy
THE ONLY THING THEY FEAR IS YOU SUNSET

11795519
It will take a bit for me to finish it. It's hard to make an interesting story with only two characters interacting while more or less tearing everything in their way apart.

11795532
Alright

11795430
Well, if you're honestly asking, read my blog on how to write combat.

This reads like you've played a ton of video games but never read an actual novel from the library or bookstore in your life. Prose has different strengths than movies or anime or video games, so writing prose requires you recognize those strengths and use them, and not try to render what makes a video game cool in prose, because that's not possible.

You are basically writing a book report on a video game -- "X happened, then Y happened, then Z happened" -- which loses all of prose's strengths.

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I'll attempt this for the next chapter, tell me if it's better.