The marriages of Anon

by ImNew2023

Pinkie part 1

In the attic of Sugarcube Corner, Anon the earth pony and his marefriend Pinkie Pie gathered the Main 6 to give them some good news.

“Girls, we’re getting married” Anon broke the news.

Right on cue Pinkie let off her party cannon, banners and balloons coming down for the ceiling.

Letting out excited squeals the girls flocked around Pinkie excitedly.

“That’s awesome Pinks!”

“We’re so happy for you Darling”

“Congratulations Pinkie”

“Thanks girls, but we need your help with something super important” Pinkie replied.

“Anything Pinks” Rainbow said confidently.

Looking at her husband to be, Pinkie let out a giggle while Anon rolled his eyes.

“I need help passing the Pie Test” Anon sighed.

Now usually the girls had learnt to just accept whatever nonsensical madness that Pinkie and Anon could spit out.

But this threw them off guard.

“The what?” Twilight asked.

“It’s a Pie family tradition. Before Nonny can get my parents blessing to marry me, he has to pass a test consisting of several questions. If my parents think he’s good enough they’ll bless our wedding” Pinkie explained.

Pulling a list of questions out of her mane, Pinkie passed it to Twilight.

“Ok these aren’t that difficult. I’m sure with enough practice you can answer them. Here, we can try the first one” Twilight said before passing the list to Applejack.

“Why do ya want to marry ma’h daughter?” Applejack read out.

Now they knew Anon could tell white lies when necessary but when it came to the Element of Honesty he knew he couldn’t get away with it.

So he didn’t try.

“She’s got a fat ass” Anon said bluntly.

With mixed looks of shock, hilarity and confusion the room went silent.

“Anon! You can’t say that!” Rarity gasped.

“But I’m right, she does have a fat ass” Anon defended himself.

“He is right, my flank is big” Pinkie agreed.

“Pinkie, he just said he’s marrying you for your looks” Rarity pointed out.

“Hey, that's not the only reason. It’s just a MASSIVE perk” Anon replied.

“Even if it was, I can't be mad, if you’ve got it you’ve gotta own it!” Pinkie agreed, giving her rear a little shake for the girls.

Despite being mildly aroused the girls moved onto the next question.

“What can you offer my daughter” Twilight asked.

“Money, love and dick” Anon replied.

“What is your profession?” Rainbow asked.

“Tax evasion and illegal genetic experiments” Anon replied.

“What can you offer the Pie family?” Rarity asked.

“DNA that’s artificially 49.38 percent zebra, 3.96 percent griffon and 7 percent papaya fruit” Anon replied.

Asking several more questions related to farm life, moral values and social standards, the girls came to one conclusion.

They knew enough about Pinkie’s family to make a rough guess on what their answer would be.

“Anon, I’m sorry but if I was a mother there’s no way in tartarus I would let you marry my daughter” Twilight said.

“Same”

“Agreed”

“Eeyep”

“No way”

“I would say no, sorry”

“Gee girls, thanks for the vote of confidence” Anon asked sarcastically.

“Out of curiosity Pinkie. What would happen IF your parents didn’t give Anon their blessing?” Rarity asked.

“Well, due to modern Equestrian law there’s nothing legally mandating that we need my parent’s blessing. But Nonny won’t be welcomed on the family rock farm, which is a super bummer because I want all the ponies I love to get along” Pinkie explained.

Seeing the situation, the girls began devising a plan.

“Alright Anon, you’re going to have to lie” Twilight pointed out.

“Ok” Anon agreed, no resistance there whatsoever.

As the week progressed, the Pie parents arrived at Ponyville via a wagon.

Pinkie was naturally happy to see her parents, they were physically neutral in expression although the pink party pony could tell that her parents were happy to see her as well. On the inside.

“Greetings Pinkamina, now where is the suitor we have come to judge?” Cloudy Quartz asked.

Stepping forward, Anon began waving his front hoof in a greeting manner “hello Mr and Mrs Pie, I’m Anon” he introduced himself nervously.

Giving the younger equine an unimpressed look, the Pie parents followed their daughter and their potential in-law into Sugarcube Corner.

The Cakes had taken the week off to visit Carrot’s family so the couple had the place all to themselves.

Despite Anon wishing it wasn’t the case.

Sat eating a “traditional” Pie family dinner Pinkie had prepared, that being rock soup, the atmosphere was thick enough you’d need a chainsaw to cut it.

“Hey Daddy, could you pass the salt?” Pinkie asked.

Having to mentally kick himself to avoid reaching for the salt, Anon watched as Igneous Pie passed the salt to his daughter.

“Phew, that was a close one” Anon thought to himself.

Managing to finish dinner despite the rocky nature of it, Anon got up to do the dishes, being stopped by Pinkie who beat him to it.

“Don’t worry about these Nonny I’ll clean them, you keep my parents company while I’m busy. Love you~” Pinkie said as she unceremoniously ditched her coltfriend with her parents.

The silence between the three began to ferment, Anon looking them in the eyes as they looked back with significantly less emotion.

“So, how did you two meet?” Anon asked.

“We don’t like you” Cloudy said bluntly.

“Not really the answer I was looking for” Anon thought.

“We don’t like you and do not believe you are good enough for our daughter. You have three chances to prove us wrong, two questions and a trial” Cloudy continued.

“Trial? Trial!? Pinkie didn’t say anything about a trial!” Anon thought to himself, beginning to panic as his advanced lying lessons became less assured to bring him victory.

“First, why do you want to marry our daughter?” Igneous asked.

“Dontsaybecauseshe’sgotafatassdontsaybecauseshe’sgotafatassdontsaybecauseshe’sgotafatassdontsaybecauseshe’sgotafatass” Anon’s mind warned him at the speed of light.

“Because… because she makes everypony around her smile, it’s hard to be sad when Pinkie is around. She made me happy when I thought I couldn’t be, and I want to do whatever it takes to be there when she needs somepony to make her happy back” Anon explained.

“Nailed it” his mind added.

Not changing their expression, Anon saw that wouldn’t change how Pinkie’s parents saw him.

“Second question, are you confident you can provide for our daughter?” Cloudy asked.

Fancy way of saying “do you have money?”

“Well I make enough to afford a house between my work in accounting and pharmaceuticals so yes I am” Anon replied.

His work with Zecora to turn Equestria’s population into Zebra/Pony hybrids did require quite a bit of chemistry.

Looking at each other, Igneous and Cloudy nodded to each other.

Getting off of her chair, Cloudy walked around the table until she came up to Anon.

Looking passionlessly into his eyes for a moment, Cloudy turned around and proceeded to lift her tail, exposing the scared stallion to her marehood.

“Breed me” she said flatly.

“What what what!?” Anon crowded out, the shock of being flashed causing him to fall out of his chair.

“We need to make sure you are able to sire healthy foals to carry on the Pie bloodline. Now rut me until my hair comes undone” Cloudy ordered.

“Nope! That’s nope without a rope! That’s a big nope from me!” Anon replied, backing away from the milf plot.

“If you don’t you will fail and we will not give you our blessing to marry Pinkamina” Igneous said, holding a camera in his hooves.

“I don’t care. It’s Pinkie who wants your approval, not me. I’m not going to cheat on her let alone with her own mother, if you two don’t like it you can get back on your cart and fuck off” Anon replied, his backbone having grown to the size of a house.

A moment of silence filled the room before the Pie couple burst into laughter. Cloudy lowered her tail and Igneous put the camera down, confusing the hell out of Anon.

“Oh we got you good!” Cloudy giggled, trying to cover her mouth with her hooves.

“I’m sorry but what the hell is going on?” I asked.

“You passed the test, you’ve proven that you love our daughter and will remain faithful to her” Igneous explained, still laughing at their prank.

Realising he had been dooped, Anon began chuckling along with them, eventually bursting out into full laughter.

“That, that was a good one!” Anon laughed.

“Yes it was, I was fully willing to kill you where you stood if you tried to breed my wife!” Igneous replied.

“Assuming Pinkie didn’t kill me first! She’s terrifying when she’s mad!” Anon cackled.

“Now be honest with me, who DO you want to marry my daughter?” Igneous asked as the two stallions laughed together.

“Because she’s got a fat ass!” Anon howled with laughter before suddenly stopping as he realised what he just said.

Looking into the eyes of Igneous, who had also stopped laughing, Anon began preparing himself to set fire to the town and flee to Mexicow in the chaos.

“That. Is the exact reason I married her mother” Igneous replied.

“It’s true, before we had our daughters I could crack boulders in half by sitting on them too hard” Cloudy confirmed.

“Hey Pinkie can do the same thing” Anon chuckled.

“That’s my daughter” Cloudy said proudly upon hearing about the power of Pinkie’s booty.

With their blessing given, the Pie family matriarch and patriarch left. After all the excitement our happy couple went to bed, although Anon felt a little conflicted.

“Do you think we should have told them about the baby?” Anon asked, cuddling up to his marefriend.

Adjusting the hairnet she had to wear as to not suffocate Anon in their sleep (again) Pinkie raised an eyebrow at the stallion.

“Are you crazy? I told my Mom we sleep in separate rooms, they both think I’m still a virgin for buck’s sake. If they knew they’d rip you apart” Pinkie replied.

“Yeah that… that doesn’t sound very fun. Night Pinkie” Anon said, getting comfortable.

“Night Nonny” she replied.

Comments

[Mister-H]

Nice to see her parents are chill

[redandready45]

“That’s my daughter” Cloudy said proudly upon hearing about the power of Pinkie’s booty.

Imagine hearing this line out of context! LOL!

[Llanar]

I love it, hope there will be Anonling+Chrysalis chapter!

[f0st3r21]

Given how the Adventures series went, I was expecting Twilight not to get a chapter or to have the “Unbucked” title perpetuated. But this all has been quite fun! There’s still plenty of weirdness with yet unmatched characters, too.