The marriages of Anon

by ImNew2023

Applejack part 1

Sweet Apple Acres had seen a lot of family members come and go since it was founded.

But while Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, Applejack and Applebloom were the model of a farm family, Applejack’s husband Anon broke the mould.

Opposed to his hard working rustic in-laws, the green earth pony was an accountant. He had been doing the family’s taxes along with most of the town’s since he arrived a year earlier.

Having grown smitten with each other, Applejack along with the whole Apple clan welcomed Anon into their family.

The whole clan except for Granny Smith.

“Don’t tell me how to run my farm, you orange lovin soft belly!” The ancient mare snapped at her son in-law.

Sat with a series of spreadsheets covering the table, Anon looked back at the old mare with a frown.

“Mrs Smith you can get mad all you want but the maths is right. The farm’s profit margins have halved in the last quarter” Anon said, picking up one of the sheets.

“See? Sales across the board are down” Anon stubbornly stated as he pointed at the red line going down.

“Numbers, charts, back in my day we didn’t need all of this fancy gobbledygook! We had a book that told us how many apples we had and how many we sold” Granny replied, dismissing the young stallion’s maths and education.

“You- you don’t even keep track of how much money you make?” Anon asked, his eye twitching slightly.

“I know how much an apple is, ain’t my fault some pencil neck from Canterlot doesn’t” Granny said defensively.

Before Anon could murder his grandmother in-law, Applejack walked in, a saddle bag on her back with a basket of apples on each side.

“What in tar-nation are y’all yappin about?” She asked.

“Your husband is disrespecting our culture and traditions that’s what” Granny said.

“Correction, I’m trying to tell your grandmother that the farm’s finances are going into the Red and her senile rump is acting like it’s my fault” Anon replied.

Going over to the table, Applejack looked at the charts.

“Where are all our sales going?” Applejack asked.

“I have an answer for that” Anon said, walking to a cabinet and pulling out a bag of green apples with a logo on it.

The symbol was that of an apple with a sun on it.

“This is a bag of Sunny Farms apples, they’re a company that owns a lot of farms out east, their apples cost three bits a bag of ten while ours cost one hit per apple” Anon explained.

Both mares took an apple from the bag and started eating them.

“That tasted just like our apples!” Granny Smith said, shocked at the quality of the apples.

“Eeyep” Anon said.

“How can pines afford to sell at such low prices?” Applejack asked.

“Simple. They’ve gone mechanised so they can produce more than us in less time” Anon said.

“How are we supposed to compete with that?” Applejack asked.

With his wife’s family home in danger, Anon began to form a plan in his mind.

“Don’t worry AJ, your big strong studly stallion will handle this” Anon said, puffing out his chest.

“I don’t think Big Mac has the answer” Granny Smith stated.

Once again Anon had to remind himself that he can’t kill his grandmother in-law.

This was a regular occurrence since marrying Applejack.

The next day, the Apple family went through their daily routines. Applejack had returned from town with a magazine listing various mechanical apple harvesters being introduced around Equestria.

The one member of the family not there was Anon.

Usually he was at his accounting firm’s office in town, but as Applebloom returned from school she had some disturbing news.

“What do ya mean he ain’t at work?” Applejack asked.

“I went past it on the way home, and the sign said closed” Applebloom said.

“Applejack!” Granny called out.

Heading back to the house, Applejack and Applebloom saw Granny Smith sat in her rocking chair, a letter in hoof addressed to Applejack.

Dear AJ

I’ve had to go east for something very urgent. Don’t worry it’ll solve your money issues if it works.

Specifically YOUR money issues because I’m rolling in it.

I mean seriously how did nopony in town think of just not paying taxes until I started doing it for them.

Plus renting out my old house once I moved in is giving some steady income.

But enough about that.

Love you lots, my plump and juicy orange filly. Will get lube on the way home.

Love, Anon.

“We’re doomed” Applejack stated.

“What’s lube?” Applebloom asked, having read the letter herself over her sister’s shoulder.

…

In the east of Equestria, Anon put his plan into action.

After being transported there by the ever reliable public train system, Anon purchased five hundred glass sculptures from an independent artist (CelestiaBucks worker) he tracked down a number of diamond dog strongholds hidden beneath the woodlands and wilds of the region.

With very little convincing, Anon gave them the glass sculptures posing as crystals. Using them he paid them to burn down the Sunny Farm’s orchids.

Watching their orchids go up, a pink unicorn stallion in a fancy suit tried to console his crying wife, who herself was a light orange earth pony.

“Heeeeey, sorry about your farm there” Anon said, sliding his way next to them.

“Oh it’s not my farm, I just modernised it after my wife’s parents retired” the unicorn explained.

“I see, sorry about your farm ma’am” Anon gave his fake condolences to the crying mare.

“Five generations, the apple family has farmed this land for five generations!” She sobbed.

“… I’m sorry, what?” Anon asked.

…

Watching Big Mac operate a tractor with a large box on the back, the girls marvelled as a hoover-like nozzle sucked up apples faster than bucking trees ever could.

“It sure was nice of cousin Gear Heart to give us one of his fancy apple harvesters” Applebloom said, watching as the machine she had already been told 10 times she can’t drive did its job.

“Darn tootin, we’ll be able to finish the harvest nearly two whole weeks early” Applejack agreed.

“Which’ll be good when you have to go east to help cousin Wild Orchid get her farm back back up and runnin” Applebloom said.

With her own farm safe, Applejack went east to help her extended family rebuild from the ashes.

Because Apples who grow together, stay together.

And what of Anon you ask?

Besides getting exclusive rights to accounting for Gear Heart’s company for helping him discover tax evasion, Anon was punished by his wife once he got home. His tomfoolery, because there was no way Applejack didn’t immediately know it was him, landed our plucky protagonist in hot water.

Confined to sleeping on the sofa, Anon grumbled to himself.

“I try to help, it turns out I’m related to the ponies I committed arson against. I hate this family and it’s rabbit like breeding habits”

Comments

[Skyblazer9]

Anon's heart was in the right place but the same can't be said about his head.

[Fun1901]

Well they say love make you do crazy things

[Mister-H]

That's what he gets for marrying into rednecks