A Bewitching Betrayal

Legion of Doom182 stories ·97 members

A little idea I had and I havent seen much what if MLP content, so I wanna try it out! This story focuses on the legion of doom, and what'd they do if they found out about Discord's scheme earlier.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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jonatannoisnorrason

jonatannoisnorrason #1 · Sep 29th, 2023 · 2 · ·

yess today discord tomorrow soon chrysalis shall have her hive back as well her changeling then she kill thorax and his brother to reclaim her home again then tirek and cozy can have what ever they want with these ponies then celestia luna mane 6 cadence armor and flurry will face their doom

AMENDOkat

AMENDOkat #2 · Sep 29th, 2023 · 8 · 4 ·

Great story but discord should've suffered more

Catpaw616

Catpaw616 #3 · Sep 29th, 2023 · 7 · ·

The beginning of the chapter felt rushed like it seemed that the writer wanted to get Discord's death over with instead of slowing down so the reader can have time to adjust to the scenario, and then the characters can explain their suspicions about Grogar.

And even then, Discord's death felt like whiplash to me. It felt so sudden that when I finished reading it, I was sitting there like "What just happened...?"

Despite this criticism, I do love these what-ifs when it comes to the Legion of Doom, and I won't be too negative about it. So once new chapters come, I would be happy to read it.

Maybe slow down the pacing next time, but whatever. It may just be me.

Chrysalesbian

Chrysalesbian #4 · Sep 30th, 2023 · 1 · ·

11709156
ty for yr criticism! u actually made a good point thank u, im a little bad with pacing so in the next chapter ill try better!! ty for reading and commenting :3

Catpaw616