skyway920
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great story, shit grammar. Still giving a like and fave, but please find someone to clean it up for you.
So is she female or has she not noticed she's a herm because they normally have genital slits?
I'd have also thought it would be preferable to go with a hippogriff & pearl rather than adding in mechanical legs but that would avoid the above potential confusion unless you started the story in the sea since they have normal genitalia in hippogriff form.
They don't typically have horns either though but that's a lot more obvious addition if you're wanting to work with magic.
I don't like the mechanical legs as it's one of those "that just raises more questions" things. They spawned in with mc and they are common among her species on land but who makes and maintains them?
Then the species in equestria is both off and yet not off, right off the bat she seems to encounter racism and books that only mention the three tribes yet she runs into multiple town residents that are other species "Bat Ponies, Lamias, Merponies, Kirins, Draconies, Crystal Ponies, Plant Ponies. What looked like ponified Warforged. Spider Ponies!" which means they should already be used to other species in town and that the species are way off from the show.
It's probably some other meat not beef as cows are shown to be sapient in the show.
Weird capitalization is used throughout the story like (either is also misspelled)
or how every occurance of me and myself seems to be capitalized.
Odd spelling and phrase choices here and there like
legs numb but still feeling.
sure
Otherwise they should be fully dependent on their lungs, gills aren't going to do anything but dry out used in air, if you want them used find some water to show off in.
letting my mind descramble
sitting
I notice a lot of speech quotes end with a comma instead of a period like "I need to setup I.D,"
follow
women
own
physical
alone
The mayor will see you now."
writings
spice made dinner."
Needs to learn how to use telekinesis quickly then i'd also assume they'd want to get a job so they can move out of public housing.
Also they were sacrifices I wouldn't think that anything pleasant happens to them and it seems pretty strange for an intro for them to care considering they murdered all of them on the hope of a ritual that they only had a vague idea of what it would do for them as they didn't seem to get to pick the species or gender they would be and it doesn't seem to be quite the equestria they wanted either.
Weird intro for a smutfic. Are they going to continue to be evil or are they changing their ways since they got most of what they wanted?
11685445
I've fixed what I and some others could catch but keep in mind that I have not written anything that demanded the standards of Fimfiction for seven years. as for a proof reader, I've had radio silence issues in the past with the group that handles that.
11685537
The anatomy of our protagonist and other ponies will be revealed in time.
I never liked that Hippogriffs and Sea Ponies were mushed together.
Blake is a mutt genetics wise.
I didn't want to write paragraphs of Blake crawling around and felt that transformation was cheap. Do not fret though, manufactures will show up when Blake encounters them
It didn't make sense to Me that the cannon non pony races, would be content with staying in Their hovels. Just look at Our world, even if They are a minority They still live all across the country. The tribe changes were so I did not have to spent hours coming up with OCs. as for the racism, did You skim over the whole siding with Nightmare and Bloody Moon business?
stuff like the beef well be talked about in future chapters.
I swear this site must glitch out somehow because I've checked the chapter multiple times and didn't find those there. I've been told that names and nouns should be capitalized.
Read again the "another time, another place" line. Are You saying that You wouldn't do everything in your power to leave a nuked Earth?
Not a smutfic. It will have sex scenes in future chapters, and there is descriptions of genitals due to the whole nudist thing, but that is not the main draw of the fic, a Human turned Pony living Their life in Equestria is.
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whoops sorry i've read so many of these now I skimmed over it thinking it was just an intro to luna bit that's the same in nearly every fic.
That does explain what I thought was an inconsistency perfectly, I thought it was just the normal ponies are racist to newcomers (which shouldn't exist if there are already many living there) but instead it's highly entrenched racism due to a recent war.
One of those hard to know without actually going through it things but i'd like to think i'd never consider killing innocent people for something like that, you spin it into fallout style and they're captured raiders (who you'd have normally killed anyway)? Then yeah. Otherwise it's pretty dark.
Really?
That's their plan and it's not a smutfic? You're sure? Because that 100% sounds like the plan of a main character in a smutfic.
11686113
Smutfic, to me at least has the connotations of a fic thats only goal is to get off on. Where as this fic would, while having sex scenes, focus on Blake adapting to and living in Equestria as well, as the ripple effect of that additional life in the world.
P.S: on further thought, I see your point. That line has been removed to better express the type of fic I plan to make this.