Sturk-Fontaine
Joined 3rd Jul, 2023 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Holocron · 3.1k words · 83 24 · 2k views
Featured In9
Slice of Life8,161 stories ·1,463 members
Futaquestria2,538 stories ·6,261 members
My Little Fetish16,590 stories ·8,573 members
Equestria Girls Fics12,123 stories ·3,770 members
Sunset Shimmer6,759 stories ·4,926 members
Fetish Syndicate3,437 stories ·1,227 members
Petticoat Palace105 stories ·73 members
Femboy hooters87 stories ·105 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.026 seconds
Total duration
877 users online
1,152,150 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
nice work
She realised that she's in a fetish fic. I mean, nothing against futa, I wrote it too, but the weird documentary/screenplay-style narration is certainly a choice. Also, while it's refreshing not to have female characters introduced by their boob size, having them introduced with an emergency masturbation scene is a little peculiar.
11686805
Thanks.
More good
Shouldn't you have an OC tag, for Morning Glory?
11687208
I already reached the max limit of tags.
You know I can see a lot of reference to discode here. Keep up the nice work.
11687748
Thanks.
Good premise so far, but it could do with some further proofreading.
nice work
11724291
Thanks.
nice work
11798573
Thanks.
Hum, I would suggest you use more varied descriptors to dialogue other then 'she said' 'he said' and use more tone of emotional adjectives to reflex and complement how they say it. Would also help to have the narrator reflex what the protagonists think of feel in the moment to add more context and to help make the story feel less 'plastic' or 'superficial' for lack of a better word. I might also suggest that you try out a text to speech program like Balabolka, yes it's totally free, and sound out how your writing sounds like to the reader. I also use it to listen to fanfics while I do art, it helps a lot in sampling size what works in the reading and what doesn't, listening to audiobook on Youtube could also be a good place to study too. Best of luck keep it up dude, you can only keep on improve in your writing.
This reads too much like an outline or stage directions for me.