nice work

11798573
Thanks.

Hum, I would suggest you use more varied descriptors to dialogue other then 'she said' 'he said' and use more tone of emotional adjectives to reflex and complement how they say it. Would also help to have the narrator reflex what the protagonists think of feel in the moment to add more context and to help make the story feel less 'plastic' or 'superficial' for lack of a better word. I might also suggest that you try out a text to speech program like Balabolka, yes it's totally free, and sound out how your writing sounds like to the reader. I also use it to listen to fanfics while I do art, it helps a lot in sampling size what works in the reading and what doesn't, listening to audiobook on Youtube could also be a good place to study too. Best of luck keep it up dude, you can only keep on improve in your writing.

This reads too much like an outline or stage directions for me.