Return

“10 years ago I left my hometown of Ponyville after doing something stupid not that I regret it but I could not face the shame. I was worried of what pony’s would think about me so I left town in the middle of the night after. After I finally get the courage to escape my abusive husband I finally return”

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 5 )

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Wooden Wheel

Wooden Wheel #1 · January 4th · · · Prologue ·

Interesting premise, nice start, good spelling. But you really need to use the proper punctuation that separates the characters dialogues from the narrator.

Void Streak

Void Streak #2 · January 4th · · · Prologue ·

11790829
Do you mean the quotation marks?

Wooden Wheel

Wooden Wheel #3 · January 4th · · · Prologue ·

To mention some examples:

I nudged his sleeping body and whispered “Come on Void, you need to wake up” After repeating myself several times, I watched his eyes flutter open as he sat up in bed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Yawning he muttered “What’s going on, Mummy”

After the 'whispered' there should be a dot '.' or a comma ',' or even a colon ':'.

A period is required after the 'wake up' since the character has finished speaking.

The same after the 'Mummy'.

I nudged his sleeping body and whispered: “Come on Void, you need to wake up.” After repeating myself several times, I watched his eyes flutter open as he sat up in bed rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Yawning he muttered “What’s going on, Mummy.”

Void Streak