Honestly... kinda glad you cut it...

I kind of think it would have been good, the story was still great without it though and I am happy to get to see an alternate path it could have taken.

11631721
I think it woukd have been interesting too, just kinda prefer how the story went

11656349
I'm also going to ignore you annoying me about calling this mediocre when it's anything but. I'd prefer if you didn't read or comment on my stories again, thanks because I don't need the pointless negativity you would bring thanks.

The story itself was good, but if you don't have an editor, get somebody to read over it for you.
You keep jumping between tenses as if it was a new trend and you sometimes get the names
mixed up which makes it very hard to follow who did or said what.
Also, a bit more variety in how you express things may help as well.
It was a bit much he/she said.

11682870 I'm my own editor

11682884
Get one.

11683007
I would but I prefer to edit my own work. Better that way.

11683016
Then you need to work more on that.
Jumping between tenses is very bad grammar.
Getting the names of people mixed up of all things makes it very hard to understand what is going on in any one scene.

11683030
He didn't jump between tenses or get peoples names mixed up so why don't you shut up? It's not hard to understand what's happening in scenes, you just lack the brains to understand.