This is my take on Fallout EQ.
This story follows a young pony named Lavender on her quest to reunite two lost lovers.
Chapters (1)
RavenousRanter
Joined 23rd Mar, 2023 ·
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O_O
11561075
Everyone must start somewhere dude your input while totally b!tchtastic did provide usable info next time (just a suggestion here.) Try the calm approach. You catch more flies with honey than you do Salt but you know that at least I'd hope.
11561131
I understand what you are saying and you bringing it up has shed light on these things. When it comes to punctuation and spelling I was their proof reader they also ran the story through a checker to make sure it wasn't a total mess.
11561131
AI story generators are now pretty coherent tbh. Lot of the newer ones will write pretty coherent stories like Claude + and usually veer more into purple prose than amateur stuff and will also not mess up using human anatomy if you specify it's an animal/neon colored horse.
Anyway, I will say I agree this story needs some more time in the oven to cook. Beyond the prose issues just the scenario and plot feel half-baked.
11561153
In the interest of contributing to improvement, instead of just being disparaging, I'll offer some advice, then.
Get a copy of Strunk and White's Elements of Style. You can find it pretty cheaply on Amazon, or any place selling books, really. It's a short book with excellent advice and general best practices, although a few things in it are antiquated. Don't rely on spelling, grammar, or style checkers. They are a crutch, and often ignore problems that, when viewed individually, seem correct, but when viewed in context, are not.
If this is in fact the work of a person who simply lacks any real experience writing, then I apologize for the accusation. The evidence against is staggering, and the evidence in defense negligible.
11561166
I'm sure they read these so I'll leave it to them but I too will take up this book and see what it offers as you do write a good story.
11561165
"Pretty coherent" is nothing when compared to the heart and soul poured out by someone who loves their craft. Read something by Tolkein, or Asimov, or Wells, or Chrichton, and compare it to ai-generated "stories."
Hell, read anything by Cold In Gardez, here on this very site, or Monochromatic, or Estee, or Georg, and compare it to anything shat out by a AI.
You could compare them, if you wanted. I won't hold my breath. There is no contest.
11561075
How about a proposal I do my original Idea which is anywhere from 5-10x longer for this story and I have you proof read to make sure I am not sounding mechanical.
11561131
And about the paragraph usage I am still super new to the UI on this website so please bare with it.
11561565
And make sure my formatting is correct and up to par.
11561565
You need to look at more books and learn how to write from examples before you attempt anything of that length, unless you want the story to be a laughingstock.
Your formatting is a problem, but it is not the problem. Paragraph usage is a problem, but it is not the problem.
I can't teach or impart in a meaningful timeframe the skills and knowledge you need to write a book. That takes years of experience and practice. There is no nice way to say that you just need to read more books. There is no shortcut to learning to write a novel. You have to see examples, preferably many of them, and varied, to learn how to craft a story.
11561601
Anyways thanks for the feedback from what I read most the issues listed are because of most of my writing was done during school or very late at night without caffeine so I do acknowledge a lot of it is incoherent and feels kinda mechanical.
11561638
Start with punctuation, and use the active voice, not passive.
Don't do that. Seriously. Get sleep and stop drinking stuff with caffeine, or at least limit yourself to drinking it in the morning, and stay far the hell away from energy drinks. All caffeine does is bind itself to chemical receptors in place of the molecules that are nominally responsible for making you feel sleepy. It doesn't give you extra energy, and coming to depend on it is absolutely lousy for your health, both physical and mental.
You don't need caffeine to write well. You need time and practice.
Full disclosure, I haven’t made it very far into your story, but here are my first impressions. There are very many general criticisms that others here have gestured at, but in the interest of not covering well tread ground, I’d rather make a specific pointed critique of your introduction.
If lavender drop finding the note is the inciting incident of the story, the reader needs a good idea of the circumstances leading up to it, a good idea of who she is, and of her motivations if you want them to be invested.
Who is lavender drop? What was she doing when she found the note? What did the note say? Why did lavender drop make the decision to investigate further? These are all vital questions the reader wants to know, and the job of the introduction is to answer them in a manner that feels natural and progresses the story.
I know you got it in you to keep going. Nobody’s going to make a masterpiece on their first story, so don’t get discouraged! Take inspiration from books you enjoy, and keep on practicing.