He Came from the Garden

by Pia

Beginning

"Got Ya’ Rose!" Was always busy, but whenever Hearts and Hooves day was around the corner Roseluck always got a large amount of bits for herself, the bills, and the help she had to pay. This holiday just like any other was important to everypony. But for Roseluck this simply brought memories that gave both joy and sadness to this lightly yellow colored mare.

Throughout the day couples had been passing in and out of her flower shop, simply asking for her famous home grown dreamlike roses. But people rarely asked her how her day was going. She usually tried to open up a conversation with her customers, but they were usually too busy with their day to chat with their cashier.

Though as the hours passed she felt as if she was missing something, she felt like she needed to get something off of her chest. As the day slowly ended, Roseluck really hoped that there was someone to talk to. Until two very special mares made their way through her shop door; their names were Lily and Daisy.

“Boy am I glad to see you two..” Roseluck beamed.

The two mares simply smiled at her; they just knew how Roseluck was during this time of year, ever since somepony special left one year ago. These two mares conversed and helped Rose as she served her customers until the last one left. It was nighttime when Luna’s moon was high in the sky, accompanied with beautiful white stars, and a black sky as her canvas. It was time to close up shop for Roseluck.

“Alright, stallions first.” She giggled as she held open the door for Lily and Daisy.

“Hah-hah! Not funny.” Both Lily and Daisy said in reply. As they made their way outside of Roseluck’s store, they made their departure noticeable.

“Seeya’ tomorrow!” The two mares said.

Roseluck simply waved goodbye as she locked the doors to her flower shop and made her way home in the light of the moon. It was always a full moon, but on that night it seemed better than it did before.

Roseluck had heard oh so familiar sounds of screaming and hollering; a simple argument between a couple ponies. Until the stallion grumpily walked away, it also looked like he had a toothy grin on his face. The mare on the other hand was there simply flabbergasted, her face full of shock and awe.

This mare had the color scheme of a rainbow following her tail, which were both lengthy as well. Her white coat differed from the rest. That coat was snow white, and her eyes were a bright shade of golden orange. This Pegasus mare simply hid behind her Fluttershy rivaling hair, and cried silently; her appearances glimmering in Luna’s moonlight.

Roseluck had seen many expressions like that before, and usually it reminded the her of herself. She walked up to the awestruck mare; and asked only one question.

“Are you OK?”

The mare turned to Roseluck in reply, her eyes had shrunk in shock, “No..”

"Of course..." She thought.

Her eyes also began to well up; to the point where there were large tears comparable to the size of parasprites falling to the ground. Roseluck knew what happened; either the stallion told her that it was over; or they had a very large fight.

“Listen I-“

“No, it’s alright.” She managed to say.

“Wanna talk about it?” Roseluck asked.

The mare simply shook, her tears still falling down her muzzle and pooling at the ground around her.

“How about I tell you a similar story? About my friend, ‘Leaf Green?’” The mare nodded; at this moment in time anything
was better than what just happened to her.

“There’s just one problem. You’re going to have trouble believing me.” Roseluck added with a giggle.

Two years ago.

It was a few days before Heart’s and Hoove’s day and Roseluck didn’t have much time to prepare. She had grown many roses for the people of Ponyville; but the mare needed to make sure she could grow more roses before the winter.

She overlooked her new garden. It was still early in the morning, just past the time the sun had risen. The grass still carrying little droplets of dew that beamed in the early morning sunshine. She was very determined to do my work.
Her goal was to produce many roses in my garden ranging from many colors such as white, red, and a light pink. It had to be precise with every move made; from making a hole for the seeds; to lightly covering them; and showering the mixture with a slight amount of special water.

This process had to be repeated perfectly or else these roses wouldn’t be perfect. Roseluck never stopped for breaks, and she didn’t falter. The mare just simply continued the cycle of placing seeds in a hoof mark that she expertly made, and ending it with a sprinkle of water.

Roseluck's a mare with an amazing ability to grow the best roses in all of Equestria. Her name has “Rose” in it, of course she would be good at planting, and caring for roses. She is a beautiful mare with a mane composed two colors of ruby and amaranth, with the same color scheme following her tail as well. Her flank is adorned with a cutie mark that matched her name, a blooming rose, with an yellow-tinted alabaster colored coat that shimmered in the sunlight, along with two amazing emerald eyes that would simply envelop the peripheral vision of the occasional onlooker.

Shes’s just a humble pony that lives in the town of Ponyville, a small but populated town, filled with a bustling marketplace, many stores, but a home to the many races of ponies alike. Out of all of the races, fair Roseluck is an earth pony, with the gifted ability to grow and mass produce anything that comes from the ground. Within the Ponyville marketplace, she manages a store called “Got Ya’ Rose!” in which she sells many of her famous home grown roses. As a side job, she also runs a plant nursery within her store caring for the plants that some ponies don’t have the time for.

Even though Roseluck may be a typical mare, she also has a life outside of work as well. This mare has many friends to spend her time with, specifically her two closest friends Lily and Daisy. Lily and Daisy are sisters to Roseluck, and whenever she needed time to waste, she would always be with them. But whenever she wouldn’t be spending time with her “sisters”, she would be with her special somepony.

His name was Ace Swift, and he himself was a very important stallion, mainly because he was at a leader’s position in the prestigious Wonderbolts. His rank was the same in comparison to one of the other companion leaders; she goes by the name of Spitfire.

Now, Ace Swift was a very daredevil like stallion, always head first into situations. But when he became a group leader for the Wonderbolts, he was never there to stay with Roseluck. His position had him moved all around Equestria. But while Ace Swift had his job to do, Roseluck was stuck in Ponyville. She had to take care of herself, and no one was really there to support her. There were Lily and Daisy, but it just wasn’t enough. During one special time of the year the Wonderbolts would perform near the town of Ponyville, Ace Swift had planned something special for his marefriend.

Ace was a stylish pony, and adored the feeling of the wind passing through his feathers. He was a Pegasus that loved to live on the edge, and loved the adrenaline rush of a dive. He has qualities that are needed to be a Wonderbolt. Ace had a combed back mane that was the color of charcoal black, his coat was a simple pencil like gray, his eyes were an ice blue color. His cutie mark was a winged hoof, symbolizing his speed and agility. But other than his love for adrenaline, he also had massive amounts for his marefriend Roseluck.

During his performance near Ponyville, Ace Swift finally asked the question that any mare would dream that a perfect stallion would ask for. He drew up in the sky with his cohorts, “Roseluck, will you marry me?” with the added effect of some very famous aerial tricks and fireworks. When his performance ended, she finally got the chance to say yes. Months after Roseluck and Ace Swift had gotten married, with the help of Lily and Daisy; they had achieved a perfect wedding.

After their wedding, there weren’t any complications. For a while Ace took a well-deserved break from the Wonderbolts. He stayed at home with Roseluck to help her with her home, supported her with some of his money, and helped run Got Ya’ Rose! Even though both Roseluck and Ace were living a somewhat perfect life, they were bombarded with the question of foals. Were they ready? They did want one, but was it too soon? There would be a lot of responsibility to it. In the end they both decided to wait and save the question for later.

Months after their wedding, Roseluck had received information about her husband. Information that had him laying with other mares in other cities that he performed at. This typically would get the occasional mare mad. But mad didn’t describe how Roseluck felt. Roseluck wasn’t mad and she wasn’t furious either. Rage boiled up inside her that the mare had never felt before; this rage could be compared to the sheer ferocity of a timberwolf devouring a small woodland creature.

After a few incidents, the mare had broken the sacred bond she had thought to be unbroken. She and Ace had gotten divorced; and never saw eachother again. Now and then would his name be brought up in conversation, but mostly it would be about him sleeping with other mares, and then being discharged by the Wonderbolts.

Ace was in a slump, and Roseluck had received most of his money. Roseluck used a small amount of Ace’s money to slightly spruce up her shop. But with the amount that she didn’t use, she saved that amount for a rainy day. With the money that she had she was available to afford for help as well; she finally got to hire her two friends that also sold flowers. Instead of “Got Ya’ Roses!” Selling only but roses, they now sold bouquets of lilies, daises, and roses. This helped out her business greatly, making her business one of the number one flower sellers in all of Equestria.

INTERRUPTION!

“Wait a minute.. You’re Roseluck?” The once crying Pegasus managed to interrupt.

Roseluck simply giggled at the interruption. “Yes. I am Rosel-“

“My col-. Ex-Colfriend, used to buy your special bouquet of Roses. The ones with the slightly contrasting colors!” She recovered pretty well.

“You mean the bright orange in the middle, and crimson red on the ou-“

“Yes! Those are the ones!” The Pegasus smiled, the tears that were once on her face were gone.

“Leaf helped me make those.. They’re called Day Dreamers.” Roseluck sighed.

“Oh, I never got to telling you my name.” The Pegasus said, “I’m Penn Teller. You can call me Teller though.” She smiled at the yellow-tinted mare.

“Nice to meet ya’ Teller. I’m Roseluck.” Rose replied with a grin.

“Now to continue with my st-”

“Go on, go on!” Teller smiled. Only to be met with a slight frown. The Pegasus cringed with a giggle at Rose’s dagger shooting glare.

"Back to the story!"

One year ago.

It was Hearts and Hooves day once again and business was booming. “Got Ya’ Rose!” Was the one of the go-to stores for this couple’s holiday. This was a terrible day for Roseluck, because it brought only bad memories. Memories of her ex-husband and memories of lost love; this holiday only lost her trust within the other gender.

After work had been finished she would usually meet up with Lily and Daisy at Berry Punch’s tavern; where she Lily, and Daisy help Rose drown her loss with a small amount of alcohol. Rose was a light weight compared to her friends, because she would never drink unless if the opportunity came up.

“Oh come on Rosie, just drink a little more.” Lily’s face was red with alcohol. She was a light weight too.

Daisy simply pouted at Roseluck. “Rosie, if you want to go home. It’s OK. Is it OK if Daisy and I come with you?”

Now unbeknownst to Roseluck, her friends wanted to spend more time with her, than outside of work. Especially on Heart’s and Hoove’s day; because this was the day where Roseluck would work, and keep herself locked up at home afterwards. It was merely pure luck that they got Roseluck to go to Berry Punch’s Tavern on Heart’s and Hoove’s day.

“Sure you guys can come over,” she shrugged “Because I’m going to need a lot of help.”

When Roseluck tried to get out of her chair, she was too unbalanced to stand. When she tried to walk, she would almost fall forward. Instead of the many states of being drunk would be talkative and hilarious, unfortunately, Roseluck was the clumsy drunk.

When Roseluck was turned, Daisy turned to Berry, the current bartender. “Two bottles of wine please.”

The bartender nodded and trotted off to get what Daisy asked for. When Berry returned, she placed the purple glass bottles on the table for Daisy to pick up. In exchange before Daisy picked up the bottles, she placed the amount of bits needed to pay for both bottles.

“Daisy are ya’ ready?” Roseluck was red in the face, already drunk.

The mare nodded, and trotted to the side of Roseluck. While her sister Lily stood on the opposite side of Roseluck. Both of the sister mares were supporting Roseluck so she could walk. But as time passed, they finally made it to Roseluck’s cottage. In front of Roseluck’s house there was a large garden. Filled with a large variety of Roses; ranging from pink, white, and red. After fumbling with the keys for a few moments, the three mares managed to get inside the cottage.

When they stumbled inside the domicile, Roseluck plopped onto a couch placed in her living room. While Daisy and Lily joined her in the living room on two chairs facing the couch. In her drunken stupor, Roseluck wanted to do something.

“Soo. How’s the weather?” Roseluck said with a forced chuckle.

Daisy looked to Roseluck with a cheeky grin.

“The pegasi were planning a storm tonight. Or maybe it was tomorrow. I’m not quite sure.” Lily unhelpfully replied.

Roseluck shrugged, and started to get up from the couch. “I’m tired, I thi-“

“No. You’re not doing this again.” Daisy said.

“You’re going to do something other than sleep.” Lily agreed.

“Then what do I do?” Roseluck sat back down.

“Let’s. Let’s. You’re going to have a coltfriend again.” Lily suggested.

“UGH! Not this again!” Roseluck sighed.

Other times in the year when Roseluck would be thinking about love, Lily and Daisy had tried to get her out of that slump by imagining she had a boyfriend. Most of the time it didn’t really work, but it was usually worth a shot.

“Come on! Let’s just try one more time!” Daisy agreed with her sister.

“I give up!” Roseluck tossed herself back into the couch she was sitting on.

Daisy and Lily took the opportunity of this situation, “You see! He’ll never give up!” They both said. Daisy took a notepad that sat on a table within Roseluck’s house, and jotted a note down with a pencil; the note saying “Never Gives Up” and immediately ripped it out of the book. She placed it on the living room table in front of them.

“Come on guys..” Roseluck didn’t want to go through this process.

“That’s why! He’ll have your good heart.” Lily motioned to her heart, Daisy jotted a note and nodded in approval, repeating the process of ripping out the note and placing it on the table. She just wanted to continue the process.

“This isn’t funny Lily.” Roseluck grimaced.

“But! Your coltfriend would be funny. Not burp and fart funny, not make fun of other people funny either.” Lily smiled.

Roseluck slightly broke her bastille like defense, “Funny like, minimalistic funny. Like he knows what to say at the moment.”

“Sure.. Let’s go with, he knows what to say.” Lily finally broke through Roseluck’s amazing defence. While Daisy nodded in approval.

“Would you like to try Rosie?” Daisy placed the notebook in front of her, the pencil on the side.

Roseluck looked at the notebook, and reluctantly took the pencil. While Lily and Daisy scrambled to get wine, and glasses. They poured enough wine into three fancy glasses, and partook in sips while writing down ideas of Roseluck’s coltfriend.

“He’s like, he looks like a colt that you would trust.” Roseluck smiled, taking a small sip.

“How about honest?” Lily and Daisy suggested in unison.

“You want to trust him, but he can’t be perfect,” Roseluck sighed, “How about.. Honest to a fault?”

“Perfect.” The sisters said simultaneously.

“How about an artist magnifique with a pencil?” Lily added.

Rose and Daisy nodded in unison.

“What about instruments?” Lily turned to Roseluck.

Roseluck took another sip of wine. “I- I. I don’t know what he’ll play. But he’ll certainly be musical. A MOOOOSICAL GENIUS.”

Lily and Daisy simply wrote down that he would be a musical genius.

“How about, able to be loved?” Rose wasn’t really thinking.

“Rosie.” Lily sighed.

“Just write it down!” Rose was simply shit faced.

“How about a sports champ?” Lily screamed.

“Yes! And a-a-a- what’s the word again? The phosistication one for gewwd lewkin’?” Rose was at a loss for words.

“Attractive?”

“Yeah, that.”

“How about um. Reason-reaaaasooonable? Reasonable. YES REASONABLE! And uh, SMART!” Roseluck smiled in her drunken stupor.

Lily and Daisy laughed at the sight of her friend being drunk. “Oh Rosie.” They said simultaneously, with a giggle.

A familiar sight came to Roselucks’s face. Her cheeks had bulged and her face turned a shade of lime green. Lily and Daisy’s expectations became real, as Roseluck vomited on the floor.

“Oh Shit…” Was the only thing the sisters managed to say.

They both sighed, looking at the drunk mess on the floor named Roseluck.

“Hey Rosie, you okaaaaaaay?” Lily poked at the motionless but breathing body.

INTERRUPTION!

“You puked?” Teller snickered.

“Do you want to hear the rest of the story?” Roseluck moaned.

“Fine, just answer one question.”

“Whhaaaaat?” Roseluck sighed.

“How much did you drink?”

“Two glasses.”

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Teller broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

Roseluck pouted until the laughing Pegasus ceased her laughter.

“OK! I’m done!” Teller wiped a tear from her eye with her forehoof.

“Good. N-“

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TWO GLASSES!”

Roseluck sighed.

“OK. I think I’m done.” Teller finally let out all of the laughter she had, as she wiped tears away from her eyes.

“Good.” Roseluck said with a frown.

Back to the story!

Roseluck was sleeping silently on the floor.

“Hey Daisy, get me an eraseable marker.” Lily giggled.

“Sure.” She tossed the marker from across the room.

Lily took the marker and contemplated what to draw on the face of her best friend. But what did she know? She was drunk too.

“How abouuuuut.. Whishkers here. Aaaand done.” Lily smiled with her completion.

Daisy frowned at her sister’s drawing, or an attempt at defacing a passed out mare. “Did you try to make her look like a cat? Or do you just suck at drawing this much?”

“Fuuuuuuuuck you Daisy. I can’t feel my cheeewwwks.” She said as she pushed her cheeks inwards with her forehooves.

“Ugh, now I have to get her cleaned up, and I have t- UGH GOD DAMNIT LILY.” Daisy screamed.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’M TRYING T-“ Roseluck’s face turned a familiar shade of green, and her cheeks were bulging once again, but this time she ran to the little filly’s room.

Daisy and Lily walked upstairs to where the bathroom was located, “Rosie.. Do you still want the-“

“No! Bury it in the garden! I don’t want to see it ever again!” She screamed through pauses in her vomit.

“Rosie, if you want them buried in the garden, you have to do it yourself. We’ll put it in this wooden box right here. S-“

“OK OK! Let me just. Let me just get my bearings.” She heaved into the toilet.

“I think I’m better.” She wiped whatever was on her lips, and got up to her hooves.

“Let’s do it before I fall asleep.” She sighed.

Daisy and Lily nodded, but were bombarded with the giggles. Roseluck frowned.

“What? Is there something wrong with m-“ She turned to look in the mirror.

“You guys… I’m going to kill you two one day.” She noticed the black thick lined whiskers that Lily terribly made.

“Please, let’s just put the box away. So I can go to bed.” Roseluck sighed.

They all proceeded outside of the cottage, and walked into Roseluck’s backyard garden composed of all roses.

“Let’s put it under the roses.” She smiled.

“I don’t think the box is that big.” Lily cracked wise.

Roseluck glared at Lily.

“Where’s the shovel Roseluck?” Daisy broke her dagger stabbing glare.

“Next to the back door.” Her hooves motioned to the back door.

Daisy walked over took the shovel to the designated spot, and dug a hole deep enough to place the box of notes within the ground. When she placed it in the ground, she covered it up gently with the misplaced soil.

“Now you can sleep, Roseluck, and we can also go home.” Daisy said, “Right Lily?” Slightly dragging her sister.

“But I wante-“

“Lily we’re going home.”

“FIINE. I DIDN’T WANT TO STAY HERE ANYWAY.”

The sisters grabbed what they brought, and left through the front door of the cottage. Roseluck peeked her head outside to wave her “sisters” goodbye.

“Night! Don’t trust any strangers with candy! And don’t get into the suspicious carriage!” Roseluck said with laughter.

“Night!” The sisters said in reply.

Roseluck watched as her bestfriends walked away into the night. She closed the door behind herself and moved into her somewhat messy home. She noticed the vomit stain on her carpet, and laughed at the fact that Daisy and Lily didn’t clean it up. Roseluck lazily took a towel, and threw it over the stain. She yawned, and stumbled into her bedroom, only to land on her soft and plushy amigo and drifted to sleep.

“Sleepytimes await.” She said before her eyes dropped, and her body rested.

During her deep and warm sleep, a storm was brewing outside of her house. Just as Daisy and Lily said, there was a rainstorm. There were claps of thunder here and there, only to make Roseluck twist and turn in bed. Rain poured like cats and dogs from the heavens drenching the land below.

But unbeknownst to Roseluck there was commotion in her garden. In her garden a small plot of soil started to grow larger and larger, until it looked like a mound of dirt. But just as quickly as the storm began, it abruptly ended.

The little storm had left Roseluck restless. But with the combination of claps of thunder, and the sounds of hoof steps within her house, there was a reason why she was restless. She stumbled out of her bed, trotted downstairs to get herself some milk. It was within the early hours of the morning, but she was able to uncap the milk, and contain it within a glass. She downed the glass of an easy sleeping elixir, and slowly stumbled up the stairs.

“Do-do time to go to bed.” She slowly walked to the side of her bed, and nestled herself next to the giant lump within the covers.

“Wait a minute..” Roseluck felt around the covers for the clump in her bed. But it immediately vanished.

“Hello?!” She screamed stepping out of her bed.

“Is there anypony in here?!” She yelled.

She stumbled out of her bedroom, to hear the sound of a little music box playing a cute little jingle. It sounded familiar, something that she had received from someone a while ago. She ran from her bedroom to her living room to find the source of the noise.

It was pitch black, and Roseluck almost tripped over a few things. She also stepped in something soggy. When she brought her forehoof to her muzzle, she cringed in disgust.

“I knew I should’ve cleaned it up.” She sighed, still trying to follow the origin of the sound.

Until she noticed it was coming from the old room. The old room was where she collected old stuff from her childhood and memorable things that she loved dearly. She raced to the room nearly tripping over a chair, to see a po- not a pony. A stallion holding her childhood music box.

She ran into the room, and dragged the stallion out. Taking the music box from his hooves and letting it continue its song without being touched. She noticed that this stallion wasn’t clean either. She noticed after dragging said stallion, that she had been covered in mud.

“We-. I-. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.” She screamed.

“WHAT?!” He rubbed his forehoof against his ear.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!”

“I have no were to stay. Miss.”

“I uh. How did you get in?”

“The back door.”

She facehoofed with a sigh.

“Fine, just please. Take a bath. Only for tonight you hear?”

“Where’s the bathroom?” He replied with a cheeky grin.

“Upstairs, and to the right.” She sighed.

“Thanks!” He made his way upstairs and to the bathroom, to clean off the mud he was covered in.

Roseluck slowly walked upstairs, to hear that the shower was on.

"What type of mess did I make to deserve this Celestia?" She thought.

She walked into the bathroom, only to smack into the stallion. He simply moved out of the way for Roseluck to pass.

She observed him, only able to take in about three or four outer characteristics. She was tired, and had to go to bed. She waved her forehoof at the stallion, and pointed to an open door on the right past the bathrooms.

“The guest’s room is right here.” She said pointing her right forehoof at the door.

“Alright then miss.” He sighed, making his way to her right.

“Thanks for letting me stay here.” He said.

“Yeah. I’ll seeya in the morning.” She sighed, walking into her separate room and closing the door behind her. She was too tired to be nice.

She glanced out of her window to see a gaping hole in her garden bed. She gawked at the size, and wondered how that stallion she met was covered in mud. She trotted out of her room, and looked into the bathroom to see that the stallion had finished cleaning himself. She observed him to take in every trait of the creature in her bathroom.

The stallion had a coat of , but his mane was long and flowing with colors of shades of many greens. His flank had a simple cutie mark, three leaves.

“What’cha starin’ at?” the stallion gazed at Roseluck.

She shook her head and grinned, “Where did you come f-“

“Hi, my name’s Leaf Green.” His voice was simple, yet loveable.

She slightly cringed at his straightforward like attitude. But she liked that sort of confidence.

“Hi, my name’s Roseluck.” She smiled.

“You don’t mind if I sleep here?” He had a hearty chuckle.

Roseluck took a moment to ponder, “Are you sure you don’t have any place to stay?” He looked honest, trust worthy even.

“Yes I am sure.” he nodded.

“Fine. You can use the guest room.” She sighed, “Do you want anything to eat?” she asked.

“Not unless you’re going to eat.” He suggested.

From the silence inbetween Leaf figured that she wasn’t going to eat.

“Leaf. I’ve never seen you around Ponyville. Where are you from?”

“Maybe I just leaf when you’re around?” He giggled.

Roseluck chuckled, “Seriously, where are you from?”

The white stallion sighed, “I came from the garden…”

Her eyes grew larger, “That explains the hole in m-m-my garden..”

“I’ll help you clean it up tomorrow! If it’s any compensation.” He tried to lighten up the situation.

“The, h-hole in my. Why.. How?”

“It’s hard to explain Roseluck. But. You know what, fudge that idea. Because I really can’t explain it myself.”

“Just. Go to sleep I’m tired. You’re going to help me clean up my house and garden to compensate for your stay.” Roseluck sighed.

“Alright ma’m.” He saluted.

She trotted away from the bathroom and into her bedroom. “The guest bedroom is next to the bathroom!” She yelled, while also closing and locking the door behind her.

She hopped into bed and slowly drifted to sleep but before her conscious slipped, it was interrupted by a knock on her door followed by a “Goodnight!”

“Goodnight Leaf!” She sighed, before finally drifting to sleep.

INTERRUPTION!

“So you let some random stallion sleep in your house?” Teller laughed.

“SHUT’CHA FACE! I was tired.” Roseluck yelled making a dramatic pose.

Teller giggled at the outburst, “Alright alright, continue.” She waved her forehoof.

“Actually, I need to take a breather, and possibly get some water.” Roseluck sighed.

“Well, how about we stop by a café and continue your story?” Teller giggled.

Roseluck placed a forehoof under her chin, “Mmkay. Which one?”

“How about the one closest to us?” Teller pointed a hoof at the closest café.

Roseluck laughed, she was oblivious to the place’s location. “Sure.”

“This is one weird story..” Teller sighed.

“Trust me. It’s only going to get better.” Roseluck smiled.

Chapter end.

AUTHOR'S NOTES TIME!
I wanted to make this a one shot, but I was too lazy.
Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter! And there are more to come!
It's just. I have to balance work and all, along with a little break here and there.
Mainly a break consisted of Borderlands 2.
This was fun to write, and I have more in store.

Comments

[EQEnigma]

Ace Swift...Turnabout Storm reference I presume?

[Iplemons]

So far I like this, I really like Roseluck as a character! It just needs editing as parts are confusing and some pony-word changed (ex: anybody to anypony, hand to hoof etc.)

can't wait to see the next installment!

[FlutterDashFTW]

Hello thae Pia! I see you've taken time off from your epic adventure in the world of Pandora to conjure a Roseluck Fic! As far as I can tell, you didn't do anything terribly wrong in this fic. I don't really understand the negative feedback that's you've recieved on this fic, but let me start off by saying that this isn't bad. Said fic has been read and now it's time for the review! Oh and, nice Turnabout Storm reference.

THE POSITIVES!

Let's start off with what you did right!
- Well, for starters, this is probably the first fic that I've read that uses Roseluck as the main character. Kudos for being original.

- For the most part, your grammar/spelling here is solid. I'll get to what you did incorrectly in the negatives.

- So far, the pacing seems decent as well. Doesn't seem too rushed, but I'd understand if people argued it was to slow.

- For characterization, you've made Roseluck as a likable character so far although part of me is annoyed by Lily and Daisy. xD

- The dialogue so far has comedic value every now and then.

Yeah... I couldn't think of anything else. xD I'm sure there are other positives in the story, but these are the ones that stood out to me the most. However, you must accept that no fic is perfect and move on to...

THE NEGATIVES!

- Tense jumping. Sometimes it's not as noticeable, but you did go from present tense to past tense in a few paragraphs. "...and loved the adrenaline rush of a dive. He has qualities that are needed to be a Wonderbolt. Ace had a combed back mane..." "and loved" is past tense, "He has" is present tense, and "Ace had" is past tense.

- Probably the biggest fault of the story at this point is the boring plot. No offense, but so far the story is going nowhere. I understand it's just exposition, but the "conflict" in the story had just been introduced at the last few paragraphs. We'll see where it takes off from here, I suppose.

- A few missing commas here and there. Remember to put commas after introductory phrases. "Throughout the day, couples had been passing in and out of her flower shop,

- SEMICOLONS! BAD! As good as semicolons are, you're not using them correctly! Where a comma should be, you put a semicolon! My advice would be to learn to use them, or not use them at all.

- I'd reccomend using a bunch of hyphens to separate storytelling and real life. Not really a negative, but I'm just pointing it out.

- Other than for comical banter, the Teller OC really is unnecessary. The story could work just fine without her. But I suppose it's not an issue...

FINAL THOUGHTS

I really can't be bothered searching back into the story to pull out other faults. Your writing isn't bad, but this plot idea is. So I'd reccomend some editing or a different story. I suppose you could possibly salvage this story by revealing more of the plot and then making future chapters more interesting. Anyway! Lunard Patented Rating System time! (Inside Joke)

Idea - 3/10 As mentioned, this is by far the weakest point of the story.
Pacing - 8/10 Definitely not bad, but it's a little on the slow side.
Grammar/Spelling - 9/10 Commas and semicolons are the noticeable common mistakes, but for the most part it was fine.
Overall - 7/10 I mean, it's not something I didn't enjoy, but it's far from perfect. You're not a bad writer, but this wasn't the best plot idea possible. Right now, this story isn't very exciting, but I can see that changing in future parts.

Best of luck for future writing!

[Azurini]

1339845
tl;dr

arch.413chan.net/1288859782062.jpg

[Tri-PonyTrouble]

YAY! Roseluck is my favorite background, background pony.
Me happy.