We all know how Discord ultimately corrupted Rainbow Dash in ‘Return to Harmony’, but what if he had a different means to corrupt her, such as making her think that her friends were going to, one day, betray and humiliate her? And what if he was right? Would Rainbow take it kindly if she figured out her friends were willing to go behind her back and humiliate her for simple boasting and Discord knew it and had shown it all to her?
Yep! Trying something I’ve not seen anyone doing here. I’ve constantly felt it would be interesting if something happened ‘Return to Harmony’ that would affect the rest of series 2 and I felt ‘Mysterious Mare Do Well’ would be best for showing it, although, to make it even more interesting I am going to rearrange the continuity of series 2 and thus, some episodes will’ve occurred earlier, or later, than they did canonically.
Message me if you have any ideas about what might happen next.
Can wait for next chapter
I think this concept could work really well! I hope you continue this, because it has a lot of potential so far!
Well, there's not enough of the narrative written to give much of a comment on, but the concept is certainly solid. It's also nice to see Mare Do Well getting some proper attention again because I've seen a frankly disgusting amount of acceptance and even defense of that episode which was so bad even the showrunners acknowledged it was irredeemably awful by omitting it from the friendship letters collection. Thus, you get a track and a thumbs up from me for the time being.
That said, your prose is very rough. That's understandable for a new author, so my advice is simple. Read plenty of well-written stories (I have a number of recommendations on my profile), think about how they structure sentences, look up writing advice from a variety of sources (everyone makes mistakes and has blind spots so you can't blindly follow any one person), and work to incorporate these lessons into your writing. My two specific recommendations for you are to focus on how you use your descriptions because dialing descriptions up and down can do a ton for both managing pacing and highlighting key details; and to look into Viking ZX's writing advice because while he waffles between unresponsive and a shit, he does have a blog with tons of detailed advice which you'll probably find helpful, especially on smaller questions you may struggle to find specific advice on elsewhere. Besides that, just keep writing because at the end of the day, practice is a huge part of improving.