Rainbow Dash falls through a cloud after losing her wings to some spell and goes to see Twilight to help her with it.
Chapters (1)
justaponygirl
Joined 13th Apr, 2022 ·
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You should fix the description. Also, I suggest making a longer description for the... well, long description.
Well, it was a short nice read.
I felt this story was going way too fast. Also I think Rainbow should've reacted a lot more when her wings were suddenly gone. Also, Starlight took her wings because she wanted to be an alicorn? I felt that should've been explained just a little bit. After all I don't expect her to actually steal body parts for herself. Sounds a little uncharacteristic.
But either way you did ok. Those problems I mentioned above are a little glaring but I think this story is fine nonetheless.
11426795
Thank you for your feedback!! Yeah, I really have to work on pacing... Sorry, i haven't watched the episodes with Starlight in them yet, so I just went off a ForgaLorga video.
That sounds a lot dumber now that I'm typing it out...Thanks again :)
11426702
ommggg im so sorry i didn't see that!!! ty!! /gen
Eh I'm not a native speaker so something I probably didn't comprehended. But did it mean Starlight glimmer appeared before season 4 ?
It was okay but, but I felt it was a bit rushed. I know it’s exciting to finish a story and show everyone, but it will be worth it to take your time and work on at at your own pace. Also, there were a few errors in some places. A few proofreads could help
It was an interesting read, but I think bit more could have happened in the story. But the more you practice the better you’ll get
11426997
Anytime! Although my advice is when writing characters, you should watch more episodes of them in the actual show so you can get a grasp of their characteristics, what they like and dislike, and try to match their personalities into the stories. Once you have time to watch the episodes of course. It helps them to not be uncharacteristic, and their motives will not be confusing.
Or, if you like, you can PM me about good writing advice when it comes to Starlight. After all she is my favorite character in the show (and even all time maybe) so I can give you some helpful tips if you want to write her again!
As others already said, the story felt rushed. The concept is fine, but the pacing is way too fast, and the transition between the scenes feels very 'jumpy.' I would say this story could use at least another thousand words to flesh out the scenes properly.
Still, it deserves a like for the ending. Poor Berry Punch, those things are not cheap, you know
11426795
Um, does it? I mean, she stole ponies' cutie marks in the show, so...
11427077
If we're being fair, that was when she was evil. Now that she's reformed and taught the ways of friendship, she should've learned to not steal them again. Unless this story takes place just barely after the Season 5 finale.
11427256
Fair enough
.
11427028
Oh my god!! I really need to watch the show more. Iirc, Twilight doesn't live in her library anymore after she meets Starlight? So sorry, I haven't watched the rest of season 4 yet!!