A simple mechanic John 'Boss' Wilson gets thrown from his decease stricken world into another one from a malprepared spell.
Now equestria has a Z problem, and a short tempered, joint smokin', gun totin' man to deal with, and his large truck equestria will be changed in ways they aren't ready for.
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Very hard to get through Applejack's accent. Accents are best handled with a lighter touch. Word choice rather than phonetic spelling, etc.
Also, I thought (hoped) this would be a brilliant parody of the "human soldier in Equestria" silliness. I was disappointed to see that it's a straight-up attempt at that over-worn trope.
I was hoping it would be something like "Hey, Mr. Human," Sweetie Belle said, eyes glistening with tears, "can you help us get five tons of Filly Scout cookies to Canterlot before the Coluratura concert?" Cannonball Run-parody or something.
Heck, maybe I'll write that...
I thought it would be other z
You can't have copyrighted song lyrics in your story. You can embed YouTube videos if you absolutely must include the songs, but you can't write out the lyrics.
11347478
I appreciate the heads up, but on a side thing what I have is actually legal because it's not all of the lyrics only a small portion, and I changed most of it voiding the Copyright thing because in order to avoid copyright you have to change 30% of the words to void it.
But i appreciate the info.
11347438
Yeah sorry this is like I said a old one that in all honesty i wrote when i was going through my zombie phase, so sorry if it's cliché.
11346989
Yeah I was actually thinking about that accent thing, but I was using a voice thing for this, so yeah.
And as I told the other guy this is a old one I came up with a long time ago while I was going through a zombie fanatic phase.
11347521
Site policy doesn't allow for it, regardless, unless it's so substantially changed that it hardly even resembles the original in anything but structure. The lyrics must go if you want the story here.
11347538
Then I'll be sure to make it my top priority to fix that thanks for the heads up I'll make the corrections ASAP.
11346989
Sorry took me a while for this, but after a lot of stuff before being able to come back, and work on this I decided to take your example to heart, and go with a different approach. Not the same idea of course that's your idea not mine, but I'll be going a different route and to be honest I don't want to continue the zombie thing it brings back some past trauma for me for this character.
But thanks for the awesome feedback.
11598651
Glad to help!