How far would you go to eliminate your enemies? What would you do just to make your life the tiniest bit easier? Who would you hire to get the job done? And what consequences would you be forced to live with? Backed into a corner, one desperate pony is about to confront those questions...and the answers bear a powerful, ugly, awful, horrific truth, the likes of which very few have seen.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I liked this story, but it has some issues that I think detract from it quite a bit. The premise is funny and makes for a good punchline, but I just feel like it takes way too long to play out. I felt there was too much emphasis on your MC (despite this story not even having an OC tag) that was ultimately unnecessary. The awkward phrasing throughout was distracting as well. If this story were trimmed down a bit, I bet it could be pretty good.
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Thanks so much for reading! Originally, the story WASN'T going to be this long, and I had also planned to split it into two chapters. (The first half would've cut off where the disguised Sweetie Belle was instructed to do her "job" near the school.) In hindsight, that might've been better, but the two chapters (at the time) felt just too short by themselves, and I didn't want to be an author who just quickly cranks out short chapters with lackluster work put into it. (I've seen that TOO many times.) And you're also right about the OC tag, it COMPLETELY slipped my mind (and has been fixed).
Sweetie's reveal was intended as one big joke, but I can see that the size of the punchline didn't match the amount of buildup. Over the years, I've done my best to improve, and I wanted to add more quality and care to my stories...but as you stated, I may have overcompensated, which resulted in the cost of thorough enjoyment. Unfortunately, I don't write as fast as I used to, so my general rule of thumb is for each chapter to be approximately 4,000-5,500 words each, then I end it there. (Or if it's a one-shot, it's the end of the entire story.) I apologize if that comes across as too long, but given the unpredictable amount of time it takes for me to finish a new chapter of a fanfic nowadays, I'd like to give a reader more than less.
Still, many thanks just for taking the time to check out my work! I've been typing up a new story (no original characters this time) involving Sweetie Belle and Shining Armor! Don't know when the first chapter will be posted, but I hope you and other readers will like it! Take care.
That was a good story.
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Thanks for checking out the story! It was meant to be something of a parody of dramatizations for PSAs, and there's no doubt that Sweetie's cuteness is quite the lethal weapon! Hope you'll enjoy "Sweet Shining Love" as it progresses!