Investigative wordsmith leaving no idea unexplored and no shoe unsniffed.
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One wintry evening, a frozen, half starved and exhausted mare wanders into Ponyville from out of the wilderness. It seems straightforward on how to deal with her, a traveller from a world of humans across the forbidden Void, on an adventure in Equestria. Welcoming her, the Element Bearers try to befriend this mare, aid in her quest, and help her find her way home again.
Things don’t quite work out as planned.
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good story
8083327
That remains to be seen. Glad you like, though.
Seems neat.
Oh! Okay! Lets see where this goes!
Definitely an intriguing set up. I wonder what shenanigans this will lead to.
8083365
8083478
All I can say is there will be shenanigans, and it will be glorious. I hope you've exercised your cringe muscles.
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
"In this story, ponies do not have five hooves."
...Huh. Good to... know?
"as Pinkie licked the last of the maple syrup off of her hoof"
Sorry if I'm missing something, but where did the maple syrup come from?
"what do do, right"
"to do"?
"Because ponies can breathe through their mouths, incidentally. That’s totally a thing."
:)
"Seemed like Twilight finally caved to Rarity’s insistence that they keep the lights up just until wrapup is over."
Hm. Bit puzzled here. It looks like wrapup hasn't happened yet, so how can Rainbow tell?
Oh!
Or was it supposed to be talking about keeping the lights up after Hearth's Warming Eve and until wrapup, not not taking them down after wrapup? Not sure what the "just" is doing in that case, though.
Ahh, nice saving of the tree. :)
"other ponyl Rainbow"
"pony"?
"Actually, she said she searched for a creek in a spiral pattern, then walked downstream"
I thought she said she couldn't find a river? Well, she wasn't especially coherent then; maybe "couldn't find any" referred to food?
"about QTQ feet"
Ah, the still-mysterious unicorn numbers. :)
"Twilight kicking a stone in front"
"kicked"?
Interesting start! :D
8083681
The Dark tag means the characters are going to have times of emotional turmoil, in which they are very, very upset. Stories that aren't Dark only have characters who are happy, or scared, but not especially sad. Dark is different from Horror, in that characters can feel bad, but still persevere and come out alright in the end. I don't typically write stories with downer endings, but I have a weird notion of a happy ending, so some people still call some of my endings downer endings. Not sure if that eases your concerns.
Not as bad as reality, but there are some dark times ahead.
8083794
Yep, glad we got that out of the way.
I can't tell you for my own safety, because anyone who figures it out will be calling for my blood.
...dammit. Fixed.
Yeah, that was the intention... I can fiddle with it.
She couldn't find a creek for days, since unfortunately White Tail is a very level forest, with no obvious canyons or gullies. It's basically the worst place in Equestria to get lost in.
The clues are there! Perhaps not yet in my story though.
You'd be horrified with how much I've had to transform the structure of my sentences when trying to be my own editor.
8083875
"
"Yep, glad we got that out of the way.
(Is this related to the number base? That's all that's coming to my mind.)
"I can't tell you for my own safety, because anyone who figures it out will be calling for my blood."
Huh. Great, now I'm even more curious. :)
"...dammit. Fixed."
No problem. Typos happen.
"Yeah, that was the intention... I can fiddle with it."
Ah, thanks.
"She couldn't find a creek for days, since unfortunately White Tail is a very level forest, with no obvious canyons or gullies."
Ah, thanks. it was this bit that confused me:
"“S-so I went in circles, until I found a river,” she said persistently, desperately even. “And... well, I sort of couldn’t find any, and I was getting hungry I just... I made it to Ponyville, but it took d... days"
I originally interpreted "any" to mean "any river", meaning that her plan was to find a river but she found the edge of the forest directly first.
"It's basically the worst place in Equestria to get lost in."
Worse even than the Everfree?
"The clues are there! Perhaps not yet in my story though.
"
...Given the number of other stories out there, even just other stories on this site, that doesn't help much. :D
"You'd be horrified with how much I've had to transform the structure of my sentences when trying to be my own editor."
Ah, sorry.
That's some... interesting cover art you have.
8084215
Um... elaborate?
8084095
It's the only way I can conceive that ponies would ever come to count in decimal.
You can't walk ten feet in the Everfree without running into a cliff or canyon. The Everfree is a worse place to be since the monsters will kill you in the face, but I think a nice boring endless expanse of trees and flat land is a worse place to get lost in.
For example, I wrote "She skittered backwards, passing Sally, and Lemon, and Sassaflash, oops too far, and trotting forward, Pinkie Pie saw there was a plain looking pink haired pony who looked quite a bit down on her luck," before realizing that made no fucking sense, and changed it to "She skittered backwards, passing Sally, and Lemon, and Sassaflash, oops too far. Pinkie Pie skittered forward past Sassaflash, and saw her," so that people could actually get the joke that Pinkie Pie's messing with her own playback speed.
8085585
"It's the only way I can conceive that ponies would ever come to count in decimal."
Ah. Yeah, I thought that might be it. :D
(...As for why, it could be an imported number system, possibly?)
"You can't walk ten feet in the Everfree without running into a cliff or canyon. The Everfree is a worse place to be since the monsters will kill you in the face, but I think a nice boring endless expanse of trees and flat land is a worse place to get lost in."
Aaaaah, good point. With the Everfree, then, the problem isn't finding a potential way to your destination, it's removing that "potential" before something else finds you.
"For example, I wrote "She skittered backwards, passing Sally, and Lemon, and Sassaflash, oops too far, and trotting forward, Pinkie Pie saw there was a plain looking pink haired pony who looked quite a bit down on her luck," before realizing that made no fucking sense, and changed it to "She skittered backwards, passing Sally, and Lemon, and Sassaflash, oops too far. Pinkie Pie skittered forward past Sassaflash, and saw her," so that people could actually get the joke that Pinkie Pie's messing with her own playback speed."
:)
8085877
Imported from who?
8086130
[shrugs]
Yeah, the best general explanation is probably the translation convention.
8085585 Most people don't opt for DIY cover art. They either commission some work, grab a picture from Derpibooru or get some pretty landscape art that's vague as fuck.
So it's odd to see cover art made for the story, presumably by you. It's not necessarily bad, because it's cover art. Then again, it's the first thing you see when you look at the story. It worked, to be fair.
8086362
Oh good, I'm glad it worked. I just wanted something recognizable. It would have been less effort to commission it, but I do want to get a little better at illustrating at some point. I've never really bought a commission before so I don't really know if it could lead to problems down the line, if the artist wants their picture pulled or something. Plus I think my request would be a little... uncomfortably specific.
Oh hey, I love your work! How much would it cost for you to make some cover story art that has a female earth pony whose appearance is similar to Twinkleshine with this shade of eye color, actually here's her specific palette, and she has to look stressed, worried and a little creeped out, while trying not to look behind her, shoulders slightly hunched, and right behind her the mane 6 are crowding around. Rarity is sniffing and looking away, silently shunning her, Applejack is looking at her worried down the brim of her hat, Fluttershy is looking ashamed and away from the pony in the center (but still close by her), Pinkie Pie is bouncing around like an anxiety ridden lunatic, Twilight Sparkle is glaring suspiciously at her while pretending to walk by (she's a princess btw), Rainbow Dash is flying above the picture, but sticking her head down to stare at the pony. Don't forget to make sure that their manes connect like a pony's in a line down their neck b/c that's totally a relevant and not incidental part of my story. This pony should be walking through a place recognizable as Ponyville with some of those columnar trees, the swirly bushes, and the houses with wooden trim, pink/cream walls, and straw roofs. There should be buildings to the left, and foliage like some sort of park to the right, and this should all be vaguely top-down perspective so the sky isn't really visible, because otherwise you won't have enough room in the background to draw the six, oh and don't forget the ponies walking around in the background like I dunno, Lyra and Berryshine. Any signs or words should be illegible like in the show, but I wouldn't put anything like that in if I were you, too distracting. Actually, could you just finish this rough sketch I made? I'm only commissioning you because I don't have steady enough hands to do it myself. Also my sense of anatomy is kind of wonky. Can you have it by next week? Thanks!
ektually. . . Our corner bakery in my little town used to offer soup-and-a-sandwich lunches. Which I always followed with a cupcake, for obvious reasons.
8096285
That might have been a bit confusing. Pinkie made a can of soup, for obvious reasons. On a tangential note, that bakery doesn't sell soup. Incidentally, bakeries around here are mostly hole in the wall cheap sugary pastry sellers, while places that bake and serve real food would be considered restaurants, or cafes, or pubs if they serve alcohol. And I have to travel an hour before I can find a bakery that makes actual bread, since supermarkets corner the bread market, making cheap, terrible bread in their own in-store bakeries.
8096285
but they have clothes?
8096460 I've never heard of a bakery that sold clothing.
"either the a powerful"
"either a"?
"If you are dealing with large numbers, you might want to consider using the Clever numerals instead."
That would be much easier if we knew how they worked. :)
(Also, nice slang; is some of that new?)
8096785
Nah, all those terms I figured out in Feeding Problems, whether people knew it or not. I just thought giving a summary here might help readers, if I'm insisting on going with something weird.
At least I'm not using dozenals.
My only real regret is there's no convenient shorthand for the number of the mane 6: 12 in base four. "onto" is already a word. "unto" the same. Why couldn't they throw Derpy and Cherry in with the team? Then I could've called it the mane score!
I'm not even going to tell you why they're called the Clever Numerals!
nice catch
8096865
Ah, thanks.
Dozenals? Something to do with base twelve?
:D
Well, I'd... guess after Clover the Clever...
No problem. :)
8096962
In a certain reimagining of the defeat of Nightmare Moon the ponies used a numeric system called "dozenals," which was a a base-144 numeric system that itself used a second roman style additive notation to break down the 144 numerals, grouping by 12. It was really gross.
N-no, you t-totally didn't guess it right away. Shut up. ¬_¬
8097269
...Huh. Thanks.
Well, I still have no idea how they actually work, if that helps. :)
Really, really minor nitpick but why Twilight don't repair Pinkie mirror right on spot? She do know repair spell.
8098943
She didn't really have time, since Pinkie ran right in, and shortly thereafter Twilight freaked out at making somepony cry. Repair spells take a certain presence of mind anyway, which is sort of the opposite of the mindset you'd have when breaking things in aggravation. I could've had her be like zap, "See the mirror's fixed, all better!" but I don't know who Twilight would think she was fooling.
I probably should include a bit about Pinkie sweeping up the glass to get her mirror fixed later.
8087394 its definitely not that bad, the only problem i see with it, and please don't take this the wrong way, but.... WTF happened to Rarity's face?!? either I'm looking at it wrong, or her eye is sideways and her horn is coming out of her nose. I'm not trying to be mean, its just every time i look at the cover my eyes go right to Rarity and i has a confuse.
8099361 ...yeah her face looks weird. I think I ended up covering up the parts that make it look... weird, but not as weird.
I'll poke at it.
Got to admit, I'm still just as puzzled and curious as Twilight about X's past, her behavior and her attitude.
If she doesn't want to return home, why be so cagey about it? Why not just say outright: "The place I came from is awful, I don't want to go back!" Surely Twilight would accept that. Equestria doesn't seem like the sort of place that would turn away a refugee.
Why is she so awkward and glum around Twilight anyhow? I mean, I get that Twilight verbally attacked her when they first met, but I sense there's something else going on here.
Why didn't she want to meet Applejack? Does she really think AJ is some sort of living lie-detector? (In spite of all evidence to the contrary, I mean.)
Why hasn't she at least come up with a nickname? I'm sure Pinkie Pie would have lots of helpful suggestions.
And. . . Story Marks? What's up with that? And if that's different, what other surprises might crop up?
As for myself. . . If I were in this situation, I would probably be all grumpy because I am basically Quibble Pants. I'd be raging inside: "Princess Twilicorn, what?! Reformed Discord, what?!? Crystal ponies? Starlight Glimmer?? Hideous crystal castle in Ponyville?? Send me back to season two when things still made sense!"
'totally worth it' LOL... wow- you little imp!!
8111979
It's not.
Would you believe she didn't even think about it, until Twilight asked directly? She actually isn't all that great at planning ahead.
I can personally guarantee that this universe will be 100% poni for some definition of poni.
Yes, she's a real saint, this human.
8112019
A REAL SAINT
"closer to to downtown"
Extra "to"?
"I moved here a dozen years ago"
So... this bring my confusion about last chapter's author's note back. I'd have read this as 12, 6 in base 10, but--
Oh. The slang translations were in base 4 too. :)
So twelve years base ten, right. Carry on!
(Though, also, interesting that it's been that long.)
"so much precious literature were lost"
"was"?
"battle between"
Extra space?
"and days DV"
Ought that to be "DV days"? Or is this more evidence about how the numbers work?
And alas, for the chapter comes to an end...
8111979
"If she doesn't want to return home, why be so cagey about it? Why not just say outright: "The place I came from is awful, I don't want to go back!" Surely Twilight would accept that. Equestria doesn't seem like the sort of place that would turn away a refugee.
Why is she so awkward and glum around Twilight anyhow? I mean, I get that Twilight verbally attacked her when they first met, but I sense there's something else going on here."
My guess is that the latter is strongly connected with the former; Twilight would likely be integral to sending her back, after all, and, from what I recall, has talked the most and most forcefully about it. Oh, also, Twilight keeps reminding her of things she doesn't like about her time as a human, perhaps?
As for the reason for not talking about it... my best current hypothesis is that she doesn't want to go against how obvious a fact it's being taken as. That seems a bit shaky, though.
"Why didn't she want to meet Applejack? Does she really think AJ is some sort of living lie-detector? (In spite of all evidence to the contrary, I mean.)"
Leading hypothesis: she thinks that there's some narrative logic involved.
Key line: "I know I’m gonna have to meet you all, but I wanted to make it last at least a little longer than this."
It's not that she doesn't want to meet Applejack, it's that she thinks a meeting with all of the Mane 6 is inevitable... along the progression her her being "sent home" (kicked out). The longer it takes to meet all of them, therefore, the more time she has in Equestria.
"Why hasn't she at least come up with a nickname? I'm sure Pinkie Pie would have lots of helpful suggestions."
I don't think she thought of it before Twilight asked, and then she decided that she didn't want her old name or to pick a new one for herself. As for Pinkie helping, I think that that's now in progress.
"And. . . Story Marks? What's up with that? And if that's different, what other surprises might crop up?"
That was mentioned earlier, actually, though in passing. And I think that Twilight's library is probably a more significant difference on that score; the cutie/story marks could just be a linguistic thing, but the continued presence of the library and absence of the castle are major changes in events.
8112075
"It's not."
Oh. Now... that's interesting...
"I can personally guarantee that this universe will be 100% poni for some definition of poni."
:)
8112146
..."was"or "many"?
I probably could have made that clearer... no need to translate when you're using actual numerals like 12 right?
How did you see that...
Well, it's technically grammatical to say "Answer me these riddles three" just that's not how people usually say it. I guess there's no reason to be weird about that though.
8112391
"
"..."was"or "many"?
At least in the usage I'm familiar with, "was", "literature" being used with the structures of a singular word.
"I probably could have made that clearer... no need to translate when you're using actual numerals like 12 right?"
:)
So that's twelve years since Nightmare Moon and one year and... some days since Tirek. Interesting.
"How did you see that...
"
Heh, I remember wondering that about Icy Shake. :)
Just happened to spot it here.
"Well, it's technically grammatical to say "Answer me these riddles three" just that's not how people usually say it."
Ah, point.
"I guess there's no reason to be weird about that though."
[shrugs]
8112678
"An Equestrian Mathematician could eventually realise that a decimal system is much easier to use than any other without any external input or suggestion."
How is it much easier to use than any other?
8112678
Minotaurs have four fingers on each hand.
Four claws, etc.
Except in the first chapter it's established that humans aren't a myth, or ancient, just a really obscure creature native to Zebrica. Kind of like Aye-ayes.
If I was going that route, I'd have them use base 6, because it's divisible by the first 2 prime factors, so fractions of thirds, and halves have a precise real number representation. Or maybe add 5 to those factors, to make it base 30. Crazy random numbering schemes ahoy!
Except it's not.
8113705
"Except in the first chapter it's established that humans aren't a myth, or ancient, just a really obscure creature native to Zebrica. Kind of like Aye-ayes."
Well, the second chapter. Also, very interesting! I'd misunderstood that and thought that they were a myth; I suppose that that's what the "Made Manifest" meant.
"If I was going that route, I'd have them use base 6, because it's divisible by the first 2 prime factors, so fractions of thirds, and halves have a precise real number representation."
It might also have religious significance.
"Or maybe add 5 to those factors, to make it base 30. Crazy random numbering schemes ahoy!"
Why not twelve? Four hooves and a tail positioned left, right, or center? :)
...Hm. As a thought, were the great mathematicians of antiquity in the common number system mostly or all pegasi? Easier to count on your hooves if you don't have to stand on them at the same time, and maybe things could have developed from there. If we want to bring out-of-universe stuff into it, there's also the whole Greek thing.
8113846
...I'm not completely clueless about my own story, honest.
Hmm, I wonder why the book used that as a title...
Base twelve has a superfluous factor of 2, forcing innocent foals to memorize twice as many numerals as base 6, and 300 more squares in their multiplication table, for little to no advantage!
*that number is written in base 6, of course.
That is an incredibly fascinating idea that I totally thought of already and I'm not just stealing it from you if I use it in my story.
...but base 4 works for earth ponies, because they can lift one of 4 hooves. Pegasi could lift more than one hoof, giving them the capability to count to 16 on one pony's hooves alone. Only trouble is pegasi are barbaric morons who used literal roman numerals until the other tribes beat the stupid out of them.
8114337
"...I'm not completely clueless about my own story, honest."
:)
"Hmm, I wonder why the book used that as a title...
"
...Well, great, now you've got my curiosity going. I can think of things from "they were thought mythical until a cryptozoologist/<whatever ought to be in place of "anthrop">ologist discovered them" to "the title and winking Rarity are hints that the creatures in the book were conjured up with dark magic".
"Base twelve has a superfluous factor of 2, forcing innocent foals to memorize twice as many numerals as base 6, and 300 more squares in their multiplication table, for little to no advantage!
"
:)
"*that number is written in base 6, of course."
Of course. :D
"That is an incredibly fascinating idea that I totally thought of already and I'm not just stealing it from you if I use it in my story."
Oh, I'm glad
Iyou thought of it, then. :)"...but base 4 works for earth ponies, because they can lift one of 4 hooves. Pegasi could lift more than one hoof, giving them the capability to count to 16 on one pony's hooves alone."
Ah, yes, good points.
"Only trouble is pegasi are barbaric morons who used literal roman numerals until the other tribes beat the stupid out of them."
Well, two thoughts:
One: They could still have a few particularly bright people, though I'm not sure just how to work the idea out for best story purposes.
Oh, or this could potentially be after the beating. Some pegasus realizes that there's actually a lot more that could be done with the numbers than is being done, and that that would allow the pegasi to beat the other tribes (or at least the earth ponies) at their own numerical game.
Two: Thus preventing Equestria from having a third number system in circulation. :)
...Wait, three: Wait, if they were fully literal roman numerals, does that mean pegasi were using base ten?
8115297
Roman numerals aren't really base-10. They're not even a numeric system, as much as they are a tallying system. 9 is IX for instance, not VIIII. Pony Rome could have totally different definitions for V and X too, such as 8 and 16 or 6 and 12. Also I'm just talking out of my ass here. I wildly speculate that pony writing and numerology have to precede the tribal unification, thus why they're such a clusterfuck. No evidence for this to be true.
8115994
"Roman numerals aren't really base-10. They're not even a numeric system, as much as they are a tallying system. 9 is IX for instance, not VIIII. Pony Rome could have totally different definitions for V and X too, such as 8 and 16 or 6 and 12"
Ah, okay; I'd just have not counted numerals with different values for the letters as literal roman numerals.
"Also I'm just talking out of my ass here. I wildly speculate that pony writing and numerology have to precede the tribal unification, thus why they're such a clusterfuck. No evidence for this to be true."
:)
Hey ferret, excuse me for being impatient but could you make the recently designated rosy more open? Her shyness is kind of irritating (mostly because I tend to be an impatient person)
"her hooves She deliberately"
Missing period?
"you think she’s say"
"she'd"?
Hm. Interesting, with the name thing...
"mysterious dimensional"
Extra space?
re the purple:
Oh, neat.
8127890
I really can't, but I will say Rosy is not shy by nature. She will get a little more assertive in the future, but she clearly doesn't play a huge role in this story. Rosy's part in the story comes to an end in the next chapter, in fact!
8127944
Thanks. I think pony names start to make more sense, once you stop requiring everyone to use the name they're given at birth. No psychic parent powers needed!
8128198 But that can't be, according to your description she's the main character!
I wonder what direction the story will take if not focusing on her. Absolutely love it so far by the way.
8128198
So, current hypothesis for why she had the odd reactions around naming: she thought that there was some kind of psychic parent power thing, which she obviously hadn't benefitted from. Looking back, I think I was misreading her emotions in the scene with Twilight, and she was less happy about the situation than I thought at the time.
"I really can't, but I will say Rosy is not shy by nature. She will get a little more assertive in the future, but she clearly doesn't play a huge role in this story. Rosy's part in the story comes to an end in the next chapter, in fact!"
...Hm. Yeah, I'm guessing that the part of the mare currently known as Rosy doesn't, though.
8128374 Oh, but it is.
8128478 Thanks! I really appreciate it.
8128626
"Seriously? Pony names are actually logical, not hoodoo mystical horseapples?"
"But that applies to you, Rarity and Fluttershy!"
"...never mind."
8129215
:)
Apple, now a verb.
8129215 I'm so confused