Nothing more than Us

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Comments ( 11 )

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Ps3luver

Ps3luver #1 · Oct 15th, 2012 · · ·

This was good but could have been better. Don't get me wrong, it was descriptive and I know it was supposed to be a bonus chapter for another fic, but it seemed to be too quick for me, it was just one event after another, with little to no time in between. Still, I am liking this, it was a good idea, even if I've seen it before.

I know all of that sounded negative, but I'm just pointing out stuff, you have quite a bit of skill in writing clop though, just try to make the scenes last longer.

OldTimer

OldTimer #2 · Oct 15th, 2012 · · ·

1443893 That's not negative at all. Constructive criticism is always welcome on a first try! I wanted to write something more mature, and comments like your are a good spur to do better next time!

Husqvarnic

Husqvarnic #3 · Oct 16th, 2012 · · ·

not wanting to be mean but...
GIVE THE PIC BACK TO TWILUST!!!

also the plot is pretty good.
(hee hee, i said plot)

Aziraphael

Aziraphael #4 · Oct 17th, 2012 · · ·

hmm, not bad. As the first poster said, it was a bit too quick. The description that was included was very good, but a lot more could, and probably should, have been added. Aside from that, the only major issue I had with it was that there were a fairly large number of grammatical errors, especially in the beginning of the story.

All in all it was a good start. I have no doubt that you'll improve with time and practice, so keep at it.

Jack-Pony

Jack-Pony #5 · Nov 4th, 2012 · · ·

I liked it. It was simple, but not in a bad way. Lustful and passionate, this clearly was a long time coming...
Can we expect another?

Deimos

Deimos #6 · Dec 17th, 2012 · · ·

It a good story, but lacks a good introduction, like whose this Drew guy. I know its chapter 4.5 but of what story. It was very quick, too quick. I liked it though, but I found some places where the grammar got a little crazy too