- Member Since 5th Feb, 2022
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
Rusty_Kettle
So many ideas, so little time. (pfp by @stirmling)
Rusty_Kettle
Joined 5th Feb, 2022 ·
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Ruin has come to our family.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/3/29/1997398.png
An ambush! Send these vermin a message: the rightful owner has returned, and their kind is no longer welcome.
Welcome home, such as it is. This squalid hamlet, these corrupted lands, they are yours now, and you are bound to them.
Very fun story so far' I hope you will keep on improving your action and mystery in your writing. Keep it up
And so...
it Begins
Well, what do we have here? A fic insipered by one of my favourite games, this'll be good!
The first chapter turned out to be interesting, and I like the fact that Blueblood's assholish behavior and pampered lifestyle clashes with the horrors of the road, and eventually, of the estate.
Nice to see that it isn't a full-blown crossover, I myself have written one in the past, and, well...
A part of me dies every time I try to read that nowadays
Good luck to you, may your creative juices never cease flowing!
11250691
Indeed, Blueblood being a pampered rich prick is precisely what I was aiming for.
And yes, I am not personally fond of direct crossovers, I find adaptations to be much more enjoyable to read and write.
Hope you enjoy the fic, seeing the reception it has had so far maybe I’ll write it more directly instead of as a side story.
'Darkest Dungeon?' Do you mean the anti-DnD Chick Track?
This is a massive improvement over the previous chapter(I still have a record of it), the other characters seem to be much more their own persons and make decisions that doesn't revolves around Blueblood, or his input, even against his wishes, as well ask asking questions that would definitely fit their personalities . I can make a much clearer image of what sort of characters they are in my mind, except maybe the filly but I am guessing she is meant to stay somewhat mysterious for the time being and will come more as her own later down the road. While I feel the way the are describes comes off a bit dry at times, I can easily chock it off as Blueblood being very suspicious of them; as well as adding to the very tense atmosphere of the situation. I do like the re contextualization of the jewel and that he lets out that can give him airs that he is crazy which could come into play later in the story. I am assuming that Blueblood doesn't ask much questions on the origin of the jewel, if it's just a bunch or spells that are meant to simulate his father or that it's indeed his soul trap within it; I am assuming that his father hash discipline makes him instinctively not ask too many questions, but their should be a point where the incongruity or information will force PBB to finally come clean. I would wonder why PBB wasn't aware at how dysfunctional his family domain had become or whatever happen to the ponies he or his family had a pointed, if traders can't even move around safely anymore, no doubt he would put their head on a spike if they are still alive. I am assuming that PBB thought that his father's appointees where in charge and didn't get any reports about the domain because he assumed his father and his family was managing it and not at all hyphening all to renovate the Blueblood estate.
Good job keep it up.
Good rewrite! I think that Chapters should be way shorter (like at least only 5k words) so that they not only can come more Fast but also be easier to write cuz I know how heavy can be writting Long chapters.
Keep up the Good Work
11316889
Hello again, first off I’ll repeat how joyful it makes me to see returning readers.
Onto your comment itself, you are essentially spot-on, the filly is indeed supposed to be mysterious for now and the “dry descriptions” are done intentionally to try and show how superficial PBB is. As the story progresses I intend to make the descriptions more vivid to reflect how he starts to grow a heart.
The jewel will indeed play a major part in the future. And as for the reason why PBB was unaware of how bad the situation was at the estate, I will explain that in the future when I develop a little more of how strained his relationship with his father was.
I’m glad you’re enjoying the story and hope I continue to improve!
11317395
Thank you for the compliment!
As for chapter length, I always like to fit an entire idea into a single chapter instead of chopping it up into parts. I usually struggle with where and how to cut it up. I am aware that the delay of writing a longer chapter is substantial, but at least for the time being I’ll try to stick to a bi-weekly format.
This, of course, is assuming nothing external influences how much free time I have.
Cheers!
Excellent chapter, loved all of it, I think is answers most of my issues as to why everything seems to be falling apart in this domain and why there is such a large congregation of thieves and rogues in the area and why no report seemed to have reach the crown or the wider Equestian administration. I do like the more air of mystery and suspicion you are now going in how PBB perceive other characters and that there is more to his companion characters then at fist glance and it's interesting to see them act more on their personalities, all while making them feel random and unreliable now that you finally got a more clear tone and atmosphere to your written then you have before where it felt rather bland and sterile in the descriptions. While I do not like the cowardly sheriff in the story, she does her function in the story pretty well, with being completely out of her depth with the situation and is trying to cope with being drinking.
For the sheriff of the town I am am surprised she didn't just got the thieves to be hanged or somerally executed them on the sport, but I bet it's more about not wanting any reprisal form the bandits gang then any sense of mercy, and crippling/wounding them would just make sure they are out of action for a while, assuming that thieves don't take care of their own which they likely don't. Still, I am surprised that they haven't all started murdering each other for all the rivalries they probably have and all the slim picking there is in the town with no food generated anymore and dwindling supplies, they must be almost as starving at the villages, unless they had somehow managed to carry over supplies for themselves without other gangs fighting over it so that they can keep sending expedition into the estate. This suggest that they are either all organized to some degree and have a leader(s) who are incredibly crafty and think that an sharing spoils in alliance between gangs outweighs their desperate greed, and/or they managed to intimate weaker gangs into risking going along their plans and are cannon fodder for a larger group, or benefactor, and probably keeps them in like thought food and murder anypony who descent. It could also be that the thieves are actually running away from something and think somehow the estate can protect them somehow. My guess would be a rival noble, or a disgraced noble using the thieves as a proxies for his activities. Still, this would probably mean that the thieves have plenty of supplies and a reasonably save supply route.
For the pendant that holds PBB's father soul or what ever, it seems that it might have some mind control qualities to it, or then just the repressive presence of a authoritative father and still possibly have it'S own agenda along with if PBB ever seriously derogate from it's wishes it could maybe try to take over his body and not just influence him. The jewel as as much a collar and leash then a advisor for PBB. It makes me really wonder if his father is actually dead or not and that PBB was just lured there to come to him, seeing that he wouldn't have come back there for anything short of his father's death where he can claim his lands.
The Doctor was a lot of fun, with his burned out state looking more like the reaper the a life giver and I hope we get to see more of him in the future. the brain rot mare was also interesting I hope this is just a foreshadow of things to come for someone in the story.
Keep it up dude, you are doing so much better now.
11338721
Hello! Once more I thank you for sticking with my work and continuing to give great advice!
I’m glad to know that my ability to grow my characters and get the overall tone across has improved. As for the sheriff, cowardice is a large part of what I have planned for her, but worry not, they’ll set her straight sooner or later.
Onto the rest of your wonderful comment, both the bandits and the pendant will be explored more in the coming chapters, and I’m happy to know I have succeeded in setting up some intrigue about them.
The doctor was just as fun to write as he seems to have been fun to read, and will be a recurring character along with the sanitarium itself.
To conclude, I am glad you enjoyed the chapter and took the time to give me some detailed feedback.
Cheers!
11339711
I can't believe it took me a long time to realize this is Darkest Dungeon! I will follow this and pray for your success!
First contact. Here we go!
11382072
Hope you enjoy my work!
11382681
Hell yeah! I wonder how Princess Celestia will react after finding out what her nephew (Blueblood's father) have discovered and done. And, what will be their reaction to their nephew's experience
Sorry for taking so much time to comment on the chapter, I was distracted at the time and then it just slipped my mind. I loved the chapter, it was good to see reinforcement come in to give a little hope to the group and to the villagers, but I know that hope will be very short lived; Well at least they have food to survive a while longer and have less villagers defecting to the bandits. I wonder if there is more of a reason as to why Radiant Hoof was sent I am sure she, and the order have their own agenda in this and that they will eventually get at odds with PBB at some point later down the road, or be slaughtered at the alter or the stakes getting higher for our protagonist, as well as test where Zealous Light's loyalty lies between the order and PPB and town. I really do like Radiant Hoof, her aura of unnatural beauty and purity to the point of almost not being pony, I wonder how she would compare to Celestia on that front, and boy it must really be ugly if you end up on the wrong side of then she gets mad. It seems like the pendent is afraid of the order probably because they could discover it or maybe sever it power over PBB. Pore Zealous Light being infected and disfigured by that mushroom rot, that will be a massive blow to his ego, self-confidence along with his relations with other ponies. I am sure Leucotome will take good care of him. I did like the mission part a lot to the mill, despite the slightly chunkiness of the fight descriptions of the chaos that they didn't know what they were fighting was all pretty great, the over all atmosphere you try to great it also pretty good. Fungus Ponies where pretty great and I can't wait to see and learn more of them I loved their descriptions, and what actually happened at the mill. I wonder what monsters the bandits are dealing on their end all the time sense they don't have the protection of the town. Now I wonder what will be their next goal in all of this in driving back the bandits away.
11384908
Sorry for the even longer delay!
Glad you like Radiant Hoof and glad I managed to get her unnatural aura across. And you’re right about one thing, you do NOT want to cross that mare.
Thanks for reading my work, the next chapter will hopefully be done soon.
Still hoping for an update for this story again.
11569416
Hello, and a big apology for the radio silence (I didn’t think anyone would notice lol).
Fear not, I haven’t abandoned this story completely, I am simply tied up with another that I have been asked to write. I will return to this whenever I get the opportunity, but it may take a while.
11590398
No problem dude, I really do wished this story had more attention on it.
Still holding out here dude.
11728909
My apologies once again, the other project has quickly become very large.
I was originally planning on keeping this one on hiatus until the other was finished, but instead I am thinking about picking this one up again and working on both. After re-reading what I have written here, I realized that it is in dire need of a rewrite. In the coming days I will rework the existing chapters and start work on the next ones.
Cheers!
11781421
Hey dude, nice to hear from you again, are you sure you want to rewrite it all, what are you planning to change? Looking forward to seeing them dude, best wishes.
11781425
More of a remaster than a rewrite, set up some things better and improve the characterization. I’ll keep most of the story beats in place tho, just needed some time to figure out how I wanted the story to pan out.
Your support means the world to me, thank you for your patience.
11781439
Great then, I will be looking forward to leave my review on it. Best of luck dude.
I think a little too much of the chapter is spent before they actually get into the place, and maybe a touch too much on the entry itself and the weirdness of the amount of masonry.
That said, definitely still better than the previous chapter, where it felt like just going through the motions.
Also, Blueblood detects the knight is lying...how exactly? Wrong words? Tone of voice? Mannerisms? It seems weird for him to just seem to know this without any indication as to what kind of training would tell him it.
Hmm, I think this is progressing a bit too slowly. 4 chapters in, and only now finding actual horrors? And the chapters are running pretty long on average, too.
I'd say probably where most of the problem lies is that Blueblood and Wind Rider are the only characters that're relying on FiM to fill in part of the setup work. Every other character is an OC, meaning that the story is spending a lot of time building them up. It's basically throwing away almost every benefit of fanfiction, that you have a setting and characters ready to go.
My advice would be to try and rely more where possible on FiM characters.
11784863
Good day, apologies for the delay in responding to your comments.
I have read your suggestions and agree with them, all save for the reliance on FiM characters.
This story is currently being remade to cut out the fluff and improve where I can, it is meant to be slow, however.
I will try to remedy almost everything you have pointed out in this rewrite, as well as heavily reducing the chapter lengths to make writing easier and faster. As for FiM characters, I was actually planning on replacing Wind Rider altogether with a new character, since this fic is meant to be about Blueblood and his struggles.
In any case, thanks for your comments, cheers!
11786218
I see, so you were worried people would care more about Wind Rider than Blueblood due to the intensity of such a character wanting redemption? Understandable.
My advice is to just try and make there be a reason for the audience to care, both positively and negatively, about every character (yes, even the enemies should have a reason to like them, and even a supposedly-innocent filly should have flaws to dislike, or at least weird or uncomfortable stuff). Blueblood even if he himself falls flat, will be propped up by those around him if done right.
11786298
That is precisely why I will do the rewrite, the fic reads as flat and lifeless, something that I aim to fix. As for the Wind Rider thing, after deliberation I have decided that a different character would fit the role I had planned better, especially in relation to how their relationship with Blueblood will evolve.
Thanks again for the help!
So this is a Rewrite of the whole thing?
11800450
Indeed, this time around I actually have most of the story planned out instead of my previous “I’ll figure it out when I get there” approach.
I’ll keep many of the previous plot points, but I’ll change them around or push them further back as needed to deliver the story I have planned out.
Thank you for sticking around and sorry for the inconvenience!
I do like the more concise fight this time around, but I again worry about characterization. Sure, it's the tutorial analog, but in 8,000 words, all we've really gotten is how brave characters are and their general demeanor, without any hint of little quirks; remember that even something as simple as a weak stomach can differentiate a character more and provide little moments that make things more real to boot.
11839266
I have attempted to differentiate the characters in subtle ways, such as the careful selection of dialogue tags whenever Zealous speaks . Barrage’s untrustworthiness is her main trait, the same way as Badge’s stuttering and ever-moving ears are hers. I will try to differentiate them further in the coming chapters.
As for chapter length, this is simply the way I like to write. Never been too fond of short chapters.
And finally I wanted to give a little disclaimer to the “tutorial analog” thing, while yes, this chapter is very evidently an adaptation of the DD tutorial, the rest of the fic will not follow the game’s lore too closely. I’ll draw ideas from it, for sure, but it will not be one to one.