• Member Since 1st Oct, 2018
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

RandomChance


I have wares if you're interested

T
Source

Twilight is VERRRY much not a morning mare. In fact, she doesn't have the energy to start the day unless she has at least two or three pots of the miracle elixir called coffee. One day, without really thinking about it, she casts a spell on her beloved coffee machine. Unaware of this, she goes about her day with her friends.

After a few days, she starts to notice strange sounds coming from the machine. It sounds like... a child's voice?

(Image is placeholder and will be changed at a later date)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

This will either be brilliant or a catastrophe for twilight and i cant wait to find out which

"Mmmmgbrrruuuuu" Was the sound she made in response. Spike honestly couldn't really say why he bothered; it wasn't like she was really awake at this point. He watched Twilight as the mare took the mostly full pot of coffee in her hoof, before proceeding to chug the entirety of the liquid. Sighing, he made his way to the cabinets to, once again, make another pot.

Wow! She's more of a caffeine addict than the average American! (Joke)

A thousand words in, and this is already a good little story. Interesting premise, with a good execution. You have a good attention to detail, although you had some awkward phrasing here and there that, honestly, wasn't that big of a deal. My biggest complaint might be that I felt you could have been a little subtler at the very end with regards to the plot hook. I think it would have been more of a hook if it was a bit more mysterious what was happening.

11243729
Thanks for the critique. I'll do my best to keep up the quality work.

Yo e leído cientos de fanfics, pensé que ya no habría nada que me podría sorprender, al parecer me equivoqué 😁🇦🇹

Login or register to comment