• Member Since 25th Oct, 2021
  • offline last seen February 27th

AnonymousPen


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An aging Rainbow Dash finds herself beaten and battered after losing a fight. She knows she won't be around much longer, and her thoughts begin to wander. She thinks of her friends, and ponders what, if anything, comes next.

Cover Art by Joakaha!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

That was beautifully sad, well done

A nice insight into how Rainbow Dash might perceive reality, especially when she is older and more mature. I'm personally impartial to these kinds of stories, though I feel that the strength of such pieces rely heavily on matching the character's voice in the prose. Perhaps Rainbow became more mature over time, though I personally feel that her inner "Rainbow" voice was lacking; the language is formal. Another point to note would be the number of points on life proffered in such a short story; there is a broad discussion on how life was perceived by Rainbow, but it was not necessarily very deep. Otherwise, the story was relatively clean of grammar errors. Nice work.

11092266
Honestly, you're right about dash not sounding like dash, I kinda failed myself there, because characters not sounding like themselves is one of my own pet-peeves. I think I tried to make her a bit more mature in old age, but reading it again after your comment, I can see I went too far. Thank you for the feedback, sincerely, I really appreciate people willing to advise on what I did right or wrong, it helps a ton.

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