Discordian dilemma

by Orderly Disassembly

sane insanity

Snap

A peaceful looking cottage ripped itself out of the ground, and jauntily strutted off into the Everfree with a brand new set of chicken legs.

Snap

A whole block of the pony town suddenly flashed with an amazing white light… Only to be replaced with cardboard cut-outs of houses

Snap

A massive salt shaker poofed into existence above a random pony. Who proceeded to release a sneeze so thunderous, that it leveled the whole block!

So long he had held back. So long he held out hope for ‘fitting in,’ but who was he kidding? I mean really? This is—no—was a pony’s world. One where discord would never truly be welcome. The answer? Change it

Snap

A tinkerers house sprouted clocks all over its walls. Wall clocks, grandfather clocks, all the kinds of tellers of time one could find flashed into existence. A brown stallion with a clock as a cutie mark sprinted out of his house, and turned around, eyeing the house closely.

Discord grinned, teeth reaching all the way from one side of his face to the other as he floated down right over the stallion. With a snap of his fingers, Discord summoned a cotton candy cloud, and punched it. Chocolate milk sprayed down, turning the brown stallion even browner.

Discord giggled as he descended from his little slice of pink heaven to float beside the stallion. Discord followed the stallions previous example by eyeing the clock house closely.

Several moments later he snapped his fingers, and several of the clocks grew teeth. Some gained fangs around the edges of their faces, and others grew wings to fly up into the blue sky.

Discord began looking straight up while contemplating turning the sky a dark green. Then the stallion spoke up

“Do you even realize how insane you are?”

Discord snapped his head back towards the stallion. Eyebrows were raised, and indignant gasps were had. The stallion rolled his eyes, but as he went to continue, Discord cut in

“Well I never. No I’m not insane, I’m perfectly sane. More sane than you in fact.”

Chiding done, Discord turned back towards the sky.

“now do you think that the sky should be bright or dark green… maybe both? Yes yes, why not both?”

The brown stallion raised both of his sand colored eyebrows.

“Do you even listen to yourself? No really, how is any of this sane?”

As he said this, the stallion waved his hoof to gesture at several things dotting the landscape: a sky full of various living food stuffs, roads that were covered in soap, the chicken-legged house….

Discord rolled his eyes at the display. It was his handiwork, he knew what he was doing. He didn’t need some unimaginative, boring, little fool of a pony to point it out to him.

“Well insanity is a subjective. I find all this sane, maybe you’re the one that was crazy for never having experienced it before?”

The brown stallion tilted his head. His eyebrows came back down in a deep frown, before one cocked back up his face

“Oh, and how would you define it then? Because so far you fit our definition PERFECTLY.”

Discord decided to shake things up a bit. instead of rolling them while they were in his head, Discord picked his eyes out of his skull, and tossed them like a pair of die.

“I’ve heard a couple different pony definitions. The most boring being the one you so idiotically chose. The one that the great and oh so intelligent Hoofrates defined; going against the norms of society.”

Discord sneered at the mention of the pony. The cheeky flank had made a pass at him during one of Discord’s spiked milk binges!

Or was he thinking of Dioclopses?

Discord shook off the thought before continuing.

“An ok thinker named Einstallion will come up with an idea that defines it as doing the same thing over and over trying to get a different result.”

The brown stallion nodded sagely, and smiled widely as his eyes glazed over.

“Yes yes, Einstallion will be a wonderful conversationist, he pops up in about five hundred years, correct?”

Discord rubbed his chin before shrugging once more. He should consider going to the spa, all this shrugging couldn’t be good for him. He spun around to admire the beautiful landscape

“Eh, I really don’t pay too much heed to the future. Personally, I just like going for some random trivia. Knowing exactly what’s going to happen is just booooorrrrrriiinnng.”

Then his eyes shot wide. Discord spun back around to face the brown stallion

“Wait a minute, how do you know that? I haven’t told anyone about him before!”

The brown stallion chuckled, as he fiddled with his red tie

“The name’s Dr. Hooves. Not very pleasant to meet you, but interesting regardless.”

The newly named Dr. Hooves reached out his hoof for a handshake. Discord obliged… while hiding a joybuzzer. The shock wasn’t too bad, but the toy still had some kick.

After coughing out some smoke Dr.Hooves spoke up once more in a raspy voice

“Still belong in a mental ward I see.”

Discord scowled at him before shaking his head.

“No, I am perfectly reasonable. You ponies just don’t seem to quite have an accurate sense of scale.”

After a moment of awkward silence Discord snapped

The magic left them both in space, hovering over Equus, above everything that the good doctor had ever seen, or would ever normally see.

Waving a claw at the planet itself Discord’s frown twisted into to a malicious smile

“My good doctor, what do you see?”

The brown stallion’s face was frozen in complete shock. After a couple seconds, Dr. Hooves realized that he was safe, and worked his jaw.

“Well that looks like Equus, what of it?

Discord’s malicious grin remained.

“Really?”

Snap

The world shrunk to the size of a gumball, floated into Discord’s talon, and he popped it in his mouth. His glaring eyes fitting his false smile.

“Well, I see a snack.”

Discord swallowed before continuing.

“You see good doctor, I make the rules, reality is mine, the rules are mine, I. am. A. God. How can a god be insane if reality is whatever they desire? How can one such as I be considered insane if our rejections of reality change reality to what we desire? Tell me good doctor. Tell me.”

The doctor’s expression hardened and his tail swished, as he grit his teeth.

“Many beings have claimed to be Gods, large, small, weak, mighty, all have been proven wrong. You will meet the same fate.”

Discord shook his head while another grin plastered itself upon his face. Chuckling, he said

“Too stubborn for your own good.”

Discord checked a watch made of crayons before putting on a cap and rain coat.

“Well, I got things to do, no time to convince you ya see? I hope you understand. Chaos to make, harmony to break, the works. See ya around!”

With that Discord opened an umbrella and disappeared as it closed, leaving the odd pony up in orbit. Who began to spin slowly, eyeing the rotating landscape below.

Snap

The rolling hills of green, flashed a brilliant white, and came out the otherside, a sea blue. The sapphire like color seemed to ungulate as the sea of grass swayed in the wind.

Snap

The sky itself shifted from a cyan blue, to a checkerboard of light and dark greens. If not one, why not both?

The absolute rejection of reality, that is TRUE insanity. Discord is definitely not insane.

He settled upon another candy cloud to admire his work. The checkerboard skies would be an amazing place to play a game of chess… Now who to play against?

Discord rolled off the cloud, and gently floated down onto a red and black throne with eyes and horns covering it. He admired his handiwork, his new reality.

Discord was distracted by a flock of living violins playing out some rather enjoyable music.

A loud cough dragged Discord’s attention to a pair of ponies. One white, with a rainbow mane, and the other a midnight blue.

Discord guffawed in delight “Oh Princesses I was JUST thinking about you.”

Snap

Reality twisted, and a popcorn bag of bluish black seeds appeared in Discord’s lion’s paw.

“Don’tchya love what I did with the place?”

Discord gestured at the landscape of pure madness with his talon.

The White princess stepped forward. Her eyebrows came together in a furious scowl. Her magenta eyes were faintly highlighted with orange, and her mane’s normal calm waving broke into a violent thrashing.

“Your tyranny ends here Discord. My sister and I will return things to normal, after we’re finished with you.”

Discord blinked owlishly, and fell off of his throne, laughing as he did so. After spending a few seconds rolling on the ground, he slithered up onto the throne again while wiping a tear from his eye.

“Oh how silly little Celly…”

Celestia’s scowl deepened at the nickname

Discord’s smirk matched her frown as he met the princesses gazes.

“...but this IS normal now. The new normal. That’s how I made it.”

Discord picked kernels from his teeth as he went on.

“You see, I’m perfectly sane. If I were anything else, then yes, I would be deep in the throws of madness, but the point is moot, as I. Am. A. GOD.”

Discord punctuated the statement with ring of lightning that formed around his wrist… That he promptly grabbed, and bit into like an onion ring

“You see little princesses, reality is what I say it is. Therefore when I think something should be, it is! When I want something to be different, it changes! I am the rules. I am reality. So I can never really reject what is, I just change it.”

Celestia’s eyes widened as her jaw went slack for a moment. She shook off her shock at his audacity before responding.

“Must you reject harmony though? Is Harmony not a perfection of chaos? The perfect balance?”

The draconequus scoffed.

As if these two knew of chaos, of balance

“Oh the widdle fiwwies think they know it all don’t they? Your ‘Harmony’ really isn't harmony, it’s order.”

Discord snarled at the upstarts.

“I. DESPISE. ORDER. I reject it, I change it, and with those changes order becomes chaotic. I free you all from the chains of such a terrible master, and create true harmony!”

Discord’s sneer bled into another smug grin as the two pony princesses cast determined glances at one another.

Luna nodded, and opened her saddle bags. Celestia followed suit, revealing a sextet of glowing gems that floated out.

Together they locked their determined gazes upon Discord once more, and together spoke in their thundering Canterlot voice.

“With the Elements of Harmony, even the likes of you can be brought low DISCORD!”

Discord cackled as he stood up from his throne.

Moments later, he spoke with a joyful tone that deteriorated into derision.

“You think your false harmony can defeat me? Well guess what. I. AM. HARMONY. My name may be Discord, but I bring harmony. So give me your best shot little princesses.”

He giggled, he chortled, He guffawed the whole time through. He laughed and laughed and laughed, even struck a pose. He didn’t notice a thing, didn’t realize what was happening, didn’t see it coming

He laughed the entire time as he slowly froze solid, leaving behind a marble statue.

One thought burned in Discord’s mind as his world went black.

That Discord is perfectly sane… right?

Comments

[Nopro120]

deep.

[PaintedPony]

There’s always a bigger fish. Good story. Good take on Discord’s point of view.

[Orderly Disassembly]

srry for all the fucky grammar boi's
tis not my strong suit

[Orderly Disassembly]

11093778
I feel the need to ask if you are alright. It's just that I can barely understand anything you're saying on either this comment or the ones on my other story.