I'll admit I'm a bit lost on IF Fluttershy killed Davenport. The three parts with her framed it as a dream (kinda for that first one), so I'll be glad to have it clarified (hopefully) in later chapters.
Now it was Fluttershy's turn to frown. "So...my imagination is still part of me...that means it was part of me that did it."
I might suspected too much, but does this mean some part of batty was still within her and she realized it too?
When she'd taken care of the last customer, she locked the door, turned out the lights, and went to her kitchen. Taking out a fresh tub of ice cream, she sat facing one of the windows and proceeded to devour the entire thing, her face never changing its flat expression.
Poor Rarity, she just mistook Twilight and Spike became a couple and she missed her chance.
I gotta say I did not expect the murder. In fact I don’t even know if the sex and murder parts are just dream parts or real and maybe he’s really away on a family emergency. Ps Dude this story needs the gore tag now. Even if it just ends up being a dream.
11005077 11005078 11005081 11005110 11005222 11005562 (sigh) I really did not expect this much confusion. I gave every clue short of holding up a big sign at the end that said, "This is what REALLY happened!"
Let's review: at the end of the "murder," the room started spinning, and Fluttershy was enveloped in darkness, which was ( I thought ) a huge indication that something was amiss. In the very next scene with her, she's waking up in her bed, confused. She checks herself, finding no blood, no fangs. Then she's troubled enough by her nightmare...I was clear to mention that... that she's practically catatonic until Twilight shows up. Her conversation with Twilight is about dreams, and she asks her if she does something bad...IN A DREAM...does that make her a bad pony?
I only go through this because I do not want readers to think I'm portraying Fluttershy as some sort of psycho. Yes, she's obsessed with Alex, but she would never, EVER hurt anyone in the process.
As for the Gore tag, I'll have to give that some thought, but I'm leaning toward 'yes.'
Edit: After sleeping on it, I've decided that the Gore tag isn't needed, as this chapter is a one-time departure from the usual story. So, I've added an Author's Note for future readers.
11005625 Fair assumption for sure, but at the same time it's not like we ever got a proper explanation for the fang Flutters flashed at the end of that episode ages ago. While it absolutely lends itself to just being a nightmare, little bits like Mr. Davenport being "out of town," and the phrase "appetizer before the main course" made me question it, and my thoughts immediately turn to a "Jekyll and Hyde" thing. Flashes of "dreams" that feel far too real and all that. Also yeah please add that Gore tag, I REALLY would have liked to have some warning before this chapter.
11005625 One instance that takes a sentence to describe, not to mention lacking detail beyond the cut itself except for mention of blood spray/splatter, does not a gore tag make. That would give the wrong idea about this story. Just add an author's note as a header with a warning of death/murder and blood after the anal scene, and include the words The Next Morning that start the next section of the chapter as something to copy/paste to skip ahead.
11005691 I agree, the Jekyll and Hyde comparison was what I thought was happening as well, it’s fairly common for the alternate personality’s time in the “drivers seat” to be represented as hazy dreams or bizzarre flashes of memories to the original personality. It would not be out of line to initially think that given how vastly different Fluttershy acts when around Alex in the day and her secret meetings with Davenport thus far.
Obviously the point of the sequence is to shock the reader but there’s shocking them and then there’s tonal whiplash. Having her dream self kill Davenport in such an explicit way as opposed to knocking him out and keeping him prisoner (what I figured would actually happen leading up to the scene) makes it seem so out of character for her that it only makes sense to try and explain it as “well its gotta be the bat taking over”. Dreams may indeed reflect some parts of the subconscious but a demure person isn’t going to start slashing throats just because they don’t want people to know they are secretly feeling horny all the time. They’d likely try to hide it with other means, such as blackmail or simple kidnapping since that’s more “humane” than full blown murder and would just as easily silence the co-conspirator. Especially when coupled with, say, a well placed sign to ward of curious folk?
For a while there it almost seem like the story shift it’s focus from the OC to Spike it didn’t feel a Unnatural shifted to the other characters to get more backstory yeah for some reason spikes felt a bit unusual compared to the others Maybe because you used him this foreshadowing for other males it might be affected by the power
I'm lost on why fluttershy killed mister davenport
………………..Well that escalated quickly
I'll admit I'm a bit lost on IF Fluttershy killed Davenport. The three parts with her framed it as a dream (kinda for that first one), so I'll be glad to have it clarified (hopefully) in later chapters.
11005077
That is a very good observation. Why is Fluttershy going a bit more dark and batty?
This is good!! Very good!!
11005091
Yeah, Imma head out now. The past couple chapters have been a bit too off-kilter for me.
Jeez Fluttershy, what the hell?
11005077
I might suspected too much, but does this mean some part of batty was still within her and she realized it too?
Poor Rarity, she just mistook Twilight and Spike became a couple and she missed her chance.
I gotta say I did not expect the murder. In fact I don’t even know if the sex and murder parts are just dream parts or real and maybe he’s really away on a family emergency.
Ps
Dude this story needs the gore tag now. Even if it just ends up being a dream.
11005077
11005078
11005081
11005110
11005222
11005562
(sigh) I really did not expect this much confusion. I gave every clue short of holding up a big sign at the end that said, "This is what REALLY happened!"
Let's review: at the end of the "murder," the room started spinning, and Fluttershy was enveloped in darkness, which was ( I thought ) a huge indication that something was amiss. In the very next scene with her, she's waking up in her bed, confused. She checks herself, finding no blood, no fangs. Then she's troubled enough by her nightmare...I was clear to mention that... that she's practically catatonic until Twilight shows up. Her conversation with Twilight is about dreams, and she asks her if she does something bad...IN A DREAM...does that make her a bad pony?
I only go through this because I do not want readers to think I'm portraying Fluttershy as some sort of psycho. Yes, she's obsessed with Alex, but she would never, EVER hurt anyone in the process.
As for the Gore tag, I'll have to give that some thought, but I'm leaning toward 'yes.'
Edit: After sleeping on it, I've decided that the Gore tag isn't needed, as this chapter is a one-time departure from the usual story. So, I've added an Author's Note for future readers.
11005625
Fair assumption for sure, but at the same time it's not like we ever got a proper explanation for the fang Flutters flashed at the end of that episode ages ago. While it absolutely lends itself to just being a nightmare, little bits like Mr. Davenport being "out of town," and the phrase "appetizer before the main course" made me question it, and my thoughts immediately turn to a "Jekyll and Hyde" thing. Flashes of "dreams" that feel far too real and all that.
Also yeah please add that Gore tag, I REALLY would have liked to have some warning before this chapter.11005625
One instance that takes a sentence to describe, not to mention lacking detail beyond the cut itself except for mention of blood spray/splatter, does not a gore tag make. That would give the wrong idea about this story. Just add an author's note as a header with a warning of death/murder and blood after the anal scene, and include the words The Next Morning that start the next section of the chapter as something to copy/paste to skip ahead.
Should have had him pull out a carrot and munch on it here. I know he did it later, but it's not the same.
11005691
I agree, the Jekyll and Hyde comparison was what I thought was happening as well, it’s fairly common for the alternate personality’s time in the “drivers seat” to be represented as hazy dreams or bizzarre flashes of memories to the original personality. It would not be out of line to initially think that given how vastly different Fluttershy acts when around Alex in the day and her secret meetings with Davenport thus far.
Obviously the point of the sequence is to shock the reader but there’s shocking them and then there’s tonal whiplash. Having her dream self kill Davenport in such an explicit way as opposed to knocking him out and keeping him prisoner (what I figured would actually happen leading up to the scene) makes it seem so out of character for her that it only makes sense to try and explain it as “well its gotta be the bat taking over”. Dreams may indeed reflect some parts of the subconscious but a demure person isn’t going to start slashing throats just because they don’t want people to know they are secretly feeling horny all the time. They’d likely try to hide it with other means, such as blackmail or simple kidnapping since that’s more “humane” than full blown murder and would just as easily silence the co-conspirator. Especially when coupled with, say, a well placed sign to ward of curious folk?
Bitch say what 😲
Ok so, Fluttershy need to get the "Human D", because all this thinking, and not acting is really messing with her head.
Also, Twilight, really, really, didn't phase her conversation with Rarity well. But, I still found it funny all the same!
11005691
seconded
11005625
Oh I wasn't confused. I was just making an exclamation towards Fluttershy's behavior and actions, both real and imagined.
11005827
You read my mind. After sleeping on it, that's just the direction I'm going to take.
Hahaha what the fuck 😂
This is the best written explicit story I’ve read in ages. Plenty of dash content too which is always a plus haha!
11008822
11005148
Thank you very much, I really appreciate that!
But if you like my stories, you need to read Pusspuss's tales, namely:
[Adult story embed hidden]
It's a true Romance, very spicy and well-written!
11010201
Thanks for the suggestion!! I've actually already read that story and others by Pusspuss
11010201
I’ve also read it! Great read! Thanks for the reply, excited to see what you have coming up!
my bias to dash hopes that we will get more dash LOL
11010609
No worries, mate! I love Rainbow, as she's sooo much fun to write!
We'll be seeing a lot more of her, AND her friends, having sexy shenanigans as they do!
11010625
best news I've had all week! ;)
11005625
you really undercut that with the 'closed for family emergency' sign.
11020944
It was a 'red herring.'
11027401
yes, red herrings cause… confusion
11037323
I honestly don’t remember.
11037200
Fswiyp?
11037513
I believe, Fluttershy wants in your pants.
For a while there it almost seem like the story shift it’s focus from the OC to Spike it didn’t feel a Unnatural shifted to the other characters to get more backstory yeah for some reason spikes felt a bit unusual compared to the others Maybe because you used him this foreshadowing for other males it might be affected by the power
OMG plese let there be a was to help Flutterer Shy from Flutterbat.
Heh, there's a yandere in everyone...
Well, this chapter was different.
11197274
THERE you are! I missed your comments!