Doofy in Equestria

by LightningChaser04

Seven: Doofy Scheme: SUCCESS?! Part 2

This chapter is unavailable, so go watch Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension now!

Comments

[Anonymous Critic]

This chapter is unavailable, so go watch Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension now!

...ah yes, what is simultaneously an advert and a dead end... that is exactly what I was hoping for when pressing the 'next chapter' button.

[RebelNarrator45]

I love the concept of this story! And the dialogue is fairly decent. I do agree with A.C. on some of his points. Paragraph spacing and making sure to separate the speaking characters to avoid their dialogue getting mixed up would make this story flow better, as well as filling in some gaps and details that could make this tale exponentially more intriguing to read.

If you'd like, I can always take a shot at offering some helpful revisions....I can even proofread and do some editing if you don't feel up to doing all the writing work, or what might be better, you can probably find a proofreader/editor in one of the fimfiction groups. Just go to "Groups" and search it.