Doof’s pov
The prank day was great, but I need some REAL evil. I need... a new inator. I know! Maybe I’ll ask Discord for ideas! I walked over to Discord and asked “Hey Discord, where can I find a good interior designer and some pony cash?” “Well, I designed my place in a day, so I’d be happy to help!” replied the draconequus. “I was thinking of moving Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated to Equestria. Can you do that?” “Um, helloo! Lord of Chaos, second- most magic in Equestria, second to the elements of harmony, ugh! I hate those. So, yes, I can.” replied the draconequus, putting on an ID tag saying “Lord of Chaos” “Thanks Discord, and, what are these elements of harmony?” asked the pharmacist. “They’re these powerful artefact thingies that the Mane 6 use to defeat villains. They once overpowered me, but I had a good shot.” answered Discord. “Mane 6?” “The purple one whose castle you were imprisoned in represents Magic, the rainbow one has loyalty, the yellow one kindness, orange one’s honesty, pink’s laughter and white one’s generosity. They only work when they’re together.” Answered the draconequus.
“Cool, tell me more about these artefacts!” “There’s the crystal heart, Celestia’s necklace thing, hippogriffs’ pearl, Starlight’s equality staff, the rings of destiny, and so on!” the draconequus told me each one, and what it does. “Discord, I know whose power I’m draining today, muahahahaha!”
...aaand back to
the future-not changing paragraphs when changing writers... seriously, of all the tips I can give you to follow, this should be the easiest thing to follow! All you have to do is tap enter a couple times when changing speakers in dialogue and... that's it! Literally nothing else to it! This isn't even terrible writing at this point- this is just pure laziness! The issue has already been pointed out to you, and you've already posted a chapter where you did things right, so you know better by now. You're just being lazy at this point. Seriously, straighten up your act? Or is hitting a single button a couple times every so often really that difficult of a task for you?...also, the dialogue itself... probably the only decent point of the story, and the only reason I was banking on this story in the first place. (with how good you wrote a Doofenshmirtz backstory being what convinced me this was such a good idea in the first place...) ...is feeling...
...weak.
Just, weak.
Doof doing little more than asking a few questions...
Discord gives an info dump describing info anyone on this site already knows- and not even in a way that makes it the slightest bit interesting...
...this is just weak...
........
WAIT, THAT WAS THE ENTIRE CHAPTER!?
...
...
...well, that, and a single other paragraph, that's somehow even more info-dumpy...
...you're tearing apart any hope I had left for this. I'm not even regretting criticizing everything anymore. Just...
...
...why?