Doofy in Equestria

by LightningChaser04

One: Morning in Danville

Dr. Doof’s POV

I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, had a bath, and all of that stuff, and then I went to plan out my next evil scheme. I was then greeted by Norm, that big tin schnitzel “Good Morning sir! I made you breakfast.” said the robot. I saw it and facepalmed. “Norm, you shouldn’t add the eggshells too! What are you, a schnitzel? I thought I programmed you to be an evil robot!” I said. “I am sorry. I will retry!” replied the bot. I refused and made my own breakfast. Then I went on my LOVE MUFFIN blog. Rodney, that big-brained ‘destroy the world’ guy said that he created a portal to Mars. That’s unoriginal! I saw a flag with PF on it on my Shmirt-ellite (satellite) and a big vortex thingy. I decided to then chill on the couch with Netflix. I then decided to watch my little pony. “Big adventure, tons of fun!-“ I sang along to the theme song. And then I went to dust off my inators. I then saw one. It seemed to have glitter all over it. My other-dimensionator. I just used it once and then I expected to go to a happy 2nd dimension. But I saw a yellow blob with a bit of pink above it. I then passed out.

Fluttershy’s POV

I saw that stallion passed out so I got him to my home. He woke up, so I asked him
“Are you OK Mr, umm... Doofenshirt?” I saw an id card with his name.

Doofy’s POV

“It’s Doofenshmirtz. Doofenshirt? Seriously?” I opened my eyes to see her. “Fluttershy?” he asked.
“How do you know her?!” yelled a raspy voice. “Rainbow Dash? Why am I surrounded by pegasi and unicorns?” I asked Twilight. “This is Ponyville silly! And, I’m an earth pony, so is Applejack here.” Pinkie responded. Twilight looked at me suspiciously. “Come with me. Mr. Doof and shirts” said the purple alicorn. “It’s DOOFENSHMIRTZ!” I corrected. “Sorry Doofensmirk!” she said. I was too lazy to correct her so I went with her. She welcomed me into her castle. “Hey, where’s Spike?”

Nopony’s POV
Then Spike pressed one of Twilight’s books and then the bookshelf moved, revealing a slide.
Spike put on a fedora and slid down. He ended up in his secret lair, with all sorts of cool stuff. He then went and sat on his chair. On a big screen, Major Celegram appeared. “Good afternoon Agent S, our intel told us that Discord has been buying up all of Equestria’s party cannons. Lulu, pedal faster, I need my fan!” Lulu, Celegram’s unpaid intern was pedalling, powering up a fan which blew in Celegram’s direction. Agent S saluted and went to his hover car.

He’s a super helpering, gem eating dragon of action,
(you know the rest, and I’m too lazy)

Spike then reached there. “Discordant Chaos Incorporated!”

Doofy’s pov
“He’s just a baby dragon, must be napping. So, Dr.D, how did you come to Equestria?” said Twilight. “Well, i don’t know, I just switched on one of my inators, and then it malfunctioned and brought me here! A world of talking ponies.” I replied.
“This inator you speak of, what does it do?”
“It sends me to a different world. It was supposed to not send me here, but to a different world. But Norm, the tin schnitzel put glitter on it!”
“Ok, weird... but cool! I’m gonna do a spell on you, it won’t harm you at all.”
“Ok!”
She zapped me with her unicorn horn, it formed numbers around her. Good or Evil- o -meter showed that I am evil. Well, of course I’m evil!
“No way! You’re evil? He’s evil?”

Author's Note:

Twily as Phineas
Celestia as Monogram
Luna as Carl
Spike as Perry
Discord as Doof
Doof as the human in Equestria

Comments

[Anonymous Critic]

I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, had a bath, and all of that stuff, and then I went to plan out my next evil scheme. I was then greeted by Norm, that big tin schnitzel “Good Morning sir! I made you breakfast.” said the robot. I saw it and facepalmed. “Norm, you shouldn’t add the eggshells too! What are you, a schnitzel ? I thought I programmed you to be an evil robot!” I said. “I am sorry. I will retry!” replied the bot. I refused and made my own breakfast. Then I went on my LOVE MUFFIN blog. Rodney, that big-brained ‘destroy the world’ guy said that he created a portal to Mars. That’s unoriginal! I saw a flag with PF on it on my Shmirt-ellite (satellite) and a big vortex thingy. I decided to then chill on the couch with Netflix. I then decided to watch my little pony. “Big adventure, tons of fun!-“ I sang along to the theme song. And then I went to dust off my inators. I then saw one. It seemed to have glitter all over it. My other-dimensionator. I just used it once and then I expected to go to a happy 2nd dimension. But I saw a yellow blob with a bit of pink above it. I then passed out.

............

I regret to say this... but this was probably a better idea on paper.

For one... please...Change paragraphs when changing speakers.

...you jump between topics and ideas like a pingpong ball that's actually a superball that just happens to be on crack... all in the same paragraph, without fleshing any of them out...

...and... well...

...yeah, a little bit of revising and/or editing probably would've helped...

...it's definitely still a great concept, and I know it's an untapped goldmine. The comments on the other story just makes me believe that... but...

...yeah, this needs work.

[TheScottishbroneyforlife]

Excellent story keep up the good work and I give this story a 10 out of 20

[LightningChaser04]

10810017

Thx, but it’s on hiatus right now.