Pony Kai

by 1Bluefur

Painfully Pastel Ponies

Dreams are strange things sometimes. Even the most profound and visionary ones are often forgotten immediately once one regains full consciousness. Perhaps a confused jumble of information lingers in ones mind, like the whisper of a half complete prophecy. But then it's dim glow fades, and one goes about their life as if nothing happened...

---

When Johnny finally started to come to, his mind was a confused mess of pastel ponies and screams. He had spent much of the past week recreating the near fatal fall of his student Miguel. He could see his face contorted in terror, his screams ripping through the air as he fell farther, and farther…

Crunch.

Johnny gasped as his eyes snapped open, only to recoil in pain and surprise as a bright light flooded his vision. “Mister! Mister! Are you okay?” a young girls voice spoke from somewhere in front of him.

Slowly his blue eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. “Who… Who the fuck are you?” he rasped as the world slowly came into clarity.

He blinked.

Where the fuck was he?

What the fuck was that?!

A… Pony?!?

Standing before him was a small, bright yellow equine that seemed to be frowning in disapproval. “Well that’s kinda rude to ask a stranger now isn’t it?” it… spoke?

“Oh come on Applebloom, you’re so old fashioned! It’s about time somepony around here isn’t afraid to say fuck.”

Johnny’s eyes widened further as he noticed two other ponies standing next to the yellow one. A white one with a horn and an orange one with a tiny pair of petite wings splayed up by her sides.

The white one sighed. “You think anypony who says a curse word is cool,” she said rolling her eyes.

“Uh, duh! Cuz almost nopony around here is cool enough to use them except for Rainbow Dash!”

“Focus fillies! This stranger here might be hurt and we cant just stand around arguin about cuss words!” the yellow one… Applebloom? Spoke up.

She turned back to Johnny who hadn’t dared move a muscle. Speaking of… He felt his body tense and twitch for a moment… Something felt very wrong. Actually, not just something, everything felt very wrong.

A sudden feeling of terror gripped the man; he was aware that Applebloom was speaking again but he heard none of her words. Slowly, he hazarded a look at himself.

His breathing started to pick up speed as adrenaline burst into his veins. “What the fuck is happening?!” he cried out. Without even thinking that man started to scramble, his limbs clumsily flying.

Unfortunately, he had no idea how to walk on four legs. His legs tangled themselves together almost immediately. Crying out in fear and frustration the newly minted stallion landed in a panicked heap.

“Woah! Hey calm down!”

“I’m going to get Twilight!”

With a defeated whine Johnny started to untangle himself. He carefully arranged his back legs under him and his forelegs in front of him. That stallion involuntary quaked as he started using the unfamiliar muscles to stand. It was completely embarrassing.

In any other circumstance Johnny would’ve been furious at himself. He took a lot of pride in not feeling fear in strange or new circumstances. In fact, he kicked the ass out of strange and new circumstances!

But… Even a cobra had its limits… Or whatever animal was better and more badass than a cobra.

Johnny flinched when one of the little ponies pressed against his side, trying to help support him. “Something tells me he isn’t really a pony,” the white one said, looking him over with critical pale green eyes.

“I-I’m a human!” he managed to say. “I’m a god damn human and this isn’t real! It doesn’t even many any sense!”

The white one seemed confused and slightly alarmed at the declaration, but Johnny didn’t care, he knew he was right. Though, even if it was a dream, he wasn’t going to spend it leaning on some little pony girl.

He pulled away from Applebloom, making his muscles relax a little so he could stand properly. One thin he learned from years of karate is that it’s never a good idea to keep your muscles overly tense. You had to be ready to strike fast and strike hard; standing like a wood board only meant you would break faster.

“Well um… We don’t know what a human is, but Scootaloo went to get Princess Twilight Sparkle. She’s a really good pony who can probably help you out,” the white one continued speaking. Johnny glanced around; noticing for the first time the orange winged pony was gone.

“I’m Sweetie Belle by the way, and that’s Applebloom.”

The yellow one moved out from Johnny’s side and around to his front. “Howdy,” she said, holding out a hoof.

Desperate to focus on something else, Johnny ignored her hoof and asked “Hey… You’ve got an accent… What are you? From the south or something?”

“Well, us Apples do have our roots from the Equestrian southwest… Got a problem with that?” she stared at him suspiciously.

“Uh no… I don’t really care I was just curious,” he said, shifting uncomfortably. His mouth felt so big and unwieldy. It was a miracle he was talking at all. “Must be dream logic,” he reassured himself.

“Well good! So, how about you stranger? Where are you from?” Applebloom continued.

“Uhh, I live in California like… In America,” the ponies looked puzzled again.

“I don’t fucking believe this, this is crazy! I should be trying to wake up or something,” Johnny thought. He looked around for anything potentially dangerous and consciousness inducing.

Unfortunately for him, he was in a field, so that wasn’t very helpful. “Oh god, what if I’m like, dying or dead or some shit?”

“Well we’ve never heard of uh… California, or America, but I bet they sure are nice places! I hope Equestria ain’t too different from home, you’re in the town of Ponyville right now and folks here are plenty nice!” Applebloom smiled.

Johnny opened his mouth to respond but a sudden loud crack and a flash of purple light interrupted. A taller purple pony appeared out of nowhere right in front of him. He shouted out in surprise, his yell involuntarily turning into a strangled whinny.

“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m just here to help!"

Johnny’s jaw went slack in shock. “Y-You… Just… I…” he blabbed, at a loss for words.

“Oh no, I am really sorry, I guess you’re not familiar with Equestrian magic,” the pony looked at Johnny with concern filled magenta eyes.

“Uhhh-” he exhaled sharply trying to get himself under control “-no, no I can’t say that I am. I have never in my entire life seen somebody appear out of thin air like that, I don’t think it’s possible. This has to be a dream,” he once again glanced around for anything to help wake him up.

Even more troubled expressions were had between all other parties. It was that moment that the orange filly came panting up to the group.

“Phew! That took forever, I wish I could fly, or teleport,” she fluttered her small wings for emphasis.

“What? You got wings and can’t fly?” Johnny asked. There was immediate intense discomfort in the air. For a moment, nobody looked at him. “… Great, I fucked up,” he mentally huffed.

“Not everypony with wings can fly,” Twilight finally broke the silence. “It’s not common, but it does happen, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Johnny raised an eyebrow but remained silent, it seemed a little unfair and stupid to him. If they could teleport than they should be able to fly if they want to right?

“Well, I don’t know much about being a… Pony… But I’m sure if she can teleport than you can fly,” he said nodding to Scootaloo. The orange filly responded with a small smile.

“Thanks, uh… What’s your name again?”

“Johnny, Johnny Lawrence,”

“Johnny! I like that name!”

“Thank you, it is pretty badass,” Johnny did his best to sound self-assured. The truth was that his name was one of the most common and unassuming things on Earth, but the ponies didn’t need to know that.

“But, I’ve honestly accepted that I might not be able to fly,” the pony continued. “It shouldn’t matter anyways, I can still do plenty of awesome and badass things even without being able to fly!”

“Yeah! No matter what we’ll be by your side!” Sweetie Belle piped up.

“Cutie-mark Crusaders Forever yeah!!” All three ponies reached up and clapped their hooves together in a three way high five… Or rather, a high hoof?

“You know what kid? I like that, I like that attitude. That is badass… Have you ever done karate?”

He could tell by the filly’s expression that she was about to respond but Twilight beat her to the punch.

“I don’t mean to interrupt but we really should get back to the castle,” she suddenly looked around, as if suspicious of someone listening in. Johnny instinctively followed suit, there wasn’t a lot of places to hide in a clearing but who knows? Maybe the ponies could be invisible.

“You’re actually the uh, second human, to arrive here. Somepony else arrived yesterday, my friend Fluttershy found him in the Whitetail Woods. Which means that there’s something strange happening here and we need to get to the bottom of it,”

“Ooo a mystery?!” Sweetie Belle squeed in excitement, “That’s so cool! Maybe we can help?”

“Yeah! It would be so cool to meet another human!” Scootaloo exclaimed.

The purple unicorn-pegasus combo shuffled nervously. “Yes,” she confirmed, “There is another human, but please don’t go around telling other ponies though, not until we know what’s going on.”

“Can we meet them too?!” Applebloom asked, seemingly ignoring what Twilight said.

The older pony sighed, “Alright, but again, don’t go telling the whole town about it okay?”

The fillies squealed and hopped up and down in excitement, Johnny felt his ears twitch in annoyance at the high-pitched voices. “This is why I liked having a boy,” he thought to himself. He immediately regretted it when he was struck with a massive pang of guilt.

“Let’s get going,” Twilight said, and with that, the pony turned tail and started to head back in the direction she came. Johnny felt a twinge of anxiety, but he did his best to hide it. He had spent enough time that day acting like a pussy.

With slightly jerky movements the new pony slowly started moving forewords. Swaying a little haphazardly as he adjusted to using four legs instead of his usual number.

“The other human had problems walking too,” Twilight said. “If that makes you feel any better… Do you need a hoof?”

“No, I’ve got this,” Johnny said. Trying to appear as confident as he sounded he tried to pick up his speed, the next thing he knew he was facing the ground once more.

“… Shit”

---

It had taken a lot longer than he would like to admit to get moving. Having four legs was not easy that’s for sure. But just as it was with standing, Johnny realized he had to relax and stop overthinking.

When he was finally moving at a decent pace, Scootaloo eagerly picked up their earlier conversation. “So! About karate, the girls and I tried it once to get our cutie-marks but it didn’t work out. Obviously we still got our cutie-marks eventually but it took soooo much longer.”

“Hm,” Johnny made a noise of acknowledgement. “What’s a cuite-mark?”

Scootaloo’s eyes widened to an almost disturbing size. “You don’t know about cutie-marks?!” she gasped.

“It’s a special mark ponies earn when they figure out what makes them special,” Sweetie Belle explained. “For example, all of ours match, we got them at the same time and it demonstrates our talent for helping other ponies find their cutie-marks.”

“We also help ponies who got them figure out what they’re supposed ta do when they’re feeling lost an’ outta touch,” Applebloom elaborated.

“I see…” Johnny said. In reality he felt very lost, but he did his best not o show any confusion. “So like, they just… Appear? Outta nowhere?”

“Basically!” Sweetie Belle said.

“Well, they come from the magic inside, technically not “out of nowhere”, that’s why griffins and changelings don’t have cutie-marks for example. There’s something about pony magic specifically that results in a manifestation of what makes every individual unique and talented.”

Twilight sounded much like a teacher giving a lecture, which Johnny wasn’t a huge fan of. “What a nerd,” he found himself thinking. Of course, he didn’t say that, he would rather not want to see first hand what that horn could do.

“Sounds like you’re pretty smart,” he said.

Twilight’s ears went back looking very bashful. “Oh thank you, I just really love to read and learn about magic. Cutie-marks are a subject I’ve just happened to study in depth on.”

“Hey can we go back to talking about karate? This is kinda boring,” Scootaloo said.

Johnny’s chuckle was mirrored by Twilight.

“I like you kid, you seem cool. You’d probably love taking karate lessons, I…” he trailed off for a moment. “I had a dojo myself but, some things happened and I guess I don’t really… Teach it anymore.”

“Damn! That’s sucks, what happened?” Scootaloo asked.

Twilight cleared her throat. “What did we say about language?” she asked. Johnny normally hated people like that, but for once he was happy to drop the conversation.

“Ugh, that it’s not appropriate for every situation so I should always try to be polite… I know, I know,” the filly huffed.

“I’m not sure if I would bother counting ‘damn’ as a curse word…” Johnny paused, making eye contact with Twilight. “But, Twilight is right; it’s not always good for every situation. If you’re smart enough you can say what you need to just fine without them.”

Scootaloo let out a defeated sigh. “Alright…” she muttered. Johnny felt the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile. He could practically hear her wanting to say, “It’s still stupid though,” or something along those lines. Her attitude reminded him of himself as a kid.

It was in that moment Johnny noticed the huge crystal castle looming into view. His mouth start to open again in complete awe, he stopped to take it all in.

The way it caught the light was indescribable. It had layer upon layer of purples and blues. It stretched into the sky, reaching out with “branches”. “How the fuck did I not see this?” the stallion asked himself.

“I know it’s rather big but, I promise it’s not as bad as it looks… You’ll get used to it. At least there’s plenty of room,” Twilight said. It took a moment for Johnny to register what she was implying.

“So you’re… Just letting me stay with you? Just like that?” Johnny asked.

“Where else are you going to go? Besides, like I said, there’s plenty of space,” Twilight replied.

There was definitely no good way to respond to that. The casual matter-of-fact way she had responded was not something Johnny was used to. “Maybe ponies are just friendlier or more naïve or something,” he thought.

They resumed their walk, the crusaders settled into chatting among themselves. As they got closer, Johnny could see there were actually multiple structures behind the looming castle. A whole compound even!

“What’s up with the buildings?” he asked.

“Oh! That’s my personal School of Friendship! We accept all kinds of creatures from around the world and teach them all about friendship and harmony… Plus some other academic subjects, it wouldn’t be school without a little bit of math, science, and history!” Twilight proudly explained.

Johnny raised an eyebrow, “People go to school to learn about friendship?” he asked, incredulous.

“I know how that might sound, but friendship is the cornerstone of Equestria. The power of many can far outweigh the power of the few, even in circumstances one would never dream of making through!”

“Huh…. So you defeat villains with the power of… Friendship? Like for real?”

Twilight looked almost offended, but before she could respond Scootaloo piped up.

“I mean, it’s more than that! There’s like, magic lasers and sometimes explosions and it’s so awesome!” the filly cheered. Her companions were quick to agree.

“My big sister is an element of harmony and she’s helped save Equestria lots of times! But she would have never become the element of generosity without Twilight, or the rest of her friends!” Sweetie Belle explained.

“Technically it was Rainbow Dash, who is like, my own big sister, who brought everypony together with her super cool sonic rainboom! They all got their cutie-marks at once, bonding them before they even knew each other!” Scootaloo elaborated

“Just like us!” Applebloom added on. “We got our cutie-marks at the same time too, and now we help other ponies find out who they’re meant to be!”

“Cutie-mark Crusaders Forever Yeah!” the girls cheered in unison.

Johnny felt like he was getting a headache.

“Okay, okay… Thank you crusaders, but I think we should save some of the details for after we get settled in,” Twilight laughed. “The other human was very overwhelmed as well, Equestria is… Extremely different from where he’s from. It’s probably the same for you, in fact, I’d be willing to bet you’re from the same world.”

Johnny actually assumed the other mystery person was from his world, it didn’t occur to him to think otherwise.

“I wonder what the other human is like,” Scootaloo speculated aloud. “Do you think he does cool stuff like karate too?”

“Who knows? Oo! Maybe he likes to sing, and he’s famous in his world!” Sweetie Belle said.

“Whoever he is, I’m sure he’s got a whole lot of cool things to talk about,” Applebloom added.

“Twilight!”

The group was within a few years of the castle when a pink unicorn called out to the other adult. With a small flash of teal the pony vanished and pop! Reappeared in front of them.

Johnny instinctively flinched away, but thankfully didn’t embarrass himself like last time.

“There you are! I wanted to discuss your theories on dimensional rifts a little more becau-“ the pony’s rapid speech screeched to a halt as she noticed Johnny.

“Is that?”

“Uh… Yeah, so, Starlight this is Johnny, Johnny this is Starlight Glimmer. She’s the school’s guidance counselor and one of my best friends,” Twilight introduced the two.

Starlight smiled in a weird way, almost... Disbelieving? “Yup!” said, “I sure am… It’s nice to meet you Johnny,” she said extending an arm out.

“Uhh… Hi, nice to meet you too,” Johnny uneasily touched his hand, or hoof rather, against the mare’s. There was a brief but extremely awkward pause.

“Sorry, I’m uh kind of new to this whole pony thing,” he said, withdrawing his hoof.

“Oh! Right! Well, that’s okay, I’m sure you’ll adjust in no time,” she laughed. “Th-that is to say, if we can’t get you home sooner than later.”

“I gotta say this is definitely the strangest dream I’ve ever had,” Johnny said looking around amused. “I’m sure I’ll just wake up whenever,” even if he didn’t want to admit it, he was happy to have a brief escape from the nightmare that was his reality. The longer he spent in “Equestria”, the more okay he was sticking around.

Twilight and Starlight exchanged troubled looks. “About that…” Starlight began. But Twilight shook her head at her.

“Let’s sit down before we start explaining everything, I’m sure the other human would like to know more about our plans as well.”

“Right! Okay, that makes sense, he’s in the dining room with Spike,” Starlight explained.

“Can we still ask questions and stuff?” Scootaloo leapt into the conversation. Johnny had honestly forgotten the fillies were there.

Twilight hummed for a moment. “Sorry girls, why don’t you come back later? Starlight has some important things to tell us,”

All three crusaders let out whines of disappointment. “Not even a lil’ bit? We can stay quiet!”

“Are you sure you want to sit through some boring lecture about how we’ll be attempting to rip a whole in time and space itself?” Starlight asked.

“YES!” all three crusaders chorused.

“I think what Starlight means is, it’s going to take awhile to go over this stuff. Besides, I’m sure you’ll want some lunch by now. Why don’t you see what Pinkie is up to and come back in… About an hour and a half?”

The crusaders let out sights of defeat, realizing quickly they weren’t going to get their way. “Okay… Well it was really great to meet you Johnny! I hope we can talk soon!” Scootaloo said, giving Johnny a wide smile.

Johnny couldn’t help but return with a small smile of his own. “Yeah, see ya kiddo, don’t get into too much trouble okay?” he ruffled her mane.

“Can’t make any promises mister but we sure will try!” Applebloom chirped. Then the trio took off, excitedly talking amongst themselves about what their next adventure would be. Johnny felt nostalgic and sad all at once watching them go.

What he would have given to have friends like that at their age. Up until Cobra Kai he had been an outcast and a bit of a loser. Kids picked on him, thankfully not too much, but enough that he felt fairly ostracized. No playdates playing the latest records, or sleepovers participating in Man Hunt during dusk.

“Johnny?” Twilight’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. The stallion blinked and turned to her. “Yeah? Sorry, kinda spaced out, did you say something?”

The purple pony shook her head. “No, to be honest I was waiting for you to say something, is everything okay? I know this is a lot.”

“Nah I’m fine,” Johnny brushed off the concern. “I was just thinking about ya know, childhood stuff, having fun with my buddies,” he gave a slightly strained smile trying to relax his posture.

Neither mare looked convinced that all was well, but thankfully didn’t push him for anything else. “Okay then, mind if we get inside?” Starlight asked.

“Yeah, sure, no problem.”

The three ponies reached the entrance to the castle. A set of impressive marble stairs greeted them, leading up to equally impressive doors that looked like they were made from bronze and plated in gold. Embedded in the center was a large pink crystal heart.

Johnny nervously gulped at the sight of the stairs. Walking was one thing… This might seriously be a challenge.

“One of us can teleport you up if you’d like,” Starlight offered. “It’s not a pleasant sensation but it might be better than-“

“I’m fine,” Johnny interrupted. “I just need to get my bearings.”

“Suit yourself,” the mare shrugged. The two than proceeded (rather slowly) up the stairs.

“Okay… Here goes,” the orange pony muttered to himself. He started to haphazardly move his new limbs bit by bit up the steps. While he was doing a bit better than expected, it was still embarrassing to move like an 80 year old man.

To his credit though, he didn’t fall a single time. Sometimes you had to take the little victories as they came.

He followed the two mares into the castle and marveled at the wide-open space that greeted them. Various banners, torches and crystal pillars lined the huge space, creating warm light in the otherwise very cold looking area.

Looking around he continued following the two into a very long hallway. It seemed to stretch on either side for ages. Each door appeared to be a kind of opaque glass-like material, framed by the same bronze-gold metal the door had been.

Twilight spoke as the group turned right, startling Johnny out of his trance. “The guest dining room is thankfully pretty close by, and don’t ever worry about asking for help getting anywhere. A lot of these rooms are just closets and bathrooms, there are two kitchens, one on either side of the great hall, they’re very nice.” she explained.

Starlight must have seen the intimidated expression on Johnny’s face. “I can’t tell you how many times I got lost, especially since all the doors look the same,” she said with a smile. “You’ll get lost, but it’ll be fine I mean, even if it seems endless, it’s not. You’re bound to wind up where you need to be.”

“Yeah I… Hope so,” he said. His discomfort suddenly spiked as he recalled the large dining room of his childhood home. There had been so much space inside the house that had made him feel so small. Traveling in the humongous castle made him feel like he did as a kid wandering the halls of that mansion.

“Hey, I promise everything is going to be fine,” Starlight said, warmth and sternness suddenly present in her tone. “Just gotta take it one moment at a time, right?”

Johnny’s ears flattened against his head, an unexpected and strange feeling response. “Yeah… I guess you’re right,” he said, trying feign confidence.

“To be honest,” Twilight stopped in front of an unassuming door. “It’s been hard getting used to it myself, even after being here for so long,” she let out a half-hearted chuckle. “I used to live in a library but… Well… It was destroyed and I got this place,” she gestured around her.

“I’m sorry to hear,” Johnny said the only thing he could think of.

“It’s okay, I just wanted to let you know that it’s pretty normal to feel out of place in the castle,” she said.

“Unless you’re Rarity,” Starlight said.

Twilight laughed, Johnny assumed they were talking about a mutual friend. “Right, except for Rarity.”

Twilight pushed the door open and stepped inside, the room was much smaller than the hall that greeted them, but still rather large. The decorations were pretty similar to the rest of the castle, but Johnny’s eyes were drawn to the false windows made from the same glass as the doors. There were trees intricately carved into them, and a very faint glow from within.

Johnny’s gazed slowly wandered around the room when something else caught his eye, causing his eyes to bulge in surprise.

“There are dragons here?!” he gasped.

The dragon in question smiled, “Yup! I’m Spike! I uh… I Guess you’re another “human” huh?” he looked the stallion over with reptilian green eyes, as if he were sizing him up.

“That is so badass, do you like, breathe fire and stuff?!”

“Sure can!” The dragon took a deep breath and sharply exhaled a flume of thin green fire that quickly vanished with a small bit of smoke.

Johnny felt like this “dream” of his suddenly got far more interesting. He had so many questions! Unfortunately someone else interrupted him.

“Woah, woah, wait a minute.”

Just like that, Johnny’s mood plummeted to the floor.

That voice.

“Another human?” there had been another pony Johnny hadn’t noticed sitting next to the dragon. He was blue, with strikingly pink eyes, which were currently narrowed at Johnny.

Pony or not, there was no mistaking that prissy, self-assured tone.

“… LaRusso?!”

Author's Note:

Deus Ex Equestria ftw! I totally have a reasonable explanation planned for how they got to Equestria sorta.

So much for a break from reality huh? Daniel LaRusso has to ruin everything for Johnny Lawrence huh?

If ponies could curse than Rainbow would definitely have a potty mouth, naturally Scootaloo would be quick to parrot her idols foul mouth lol. Yes, she will have a pretty big role considering she's in the cover image. You'll see .

Comments

[sykko]

Good story so far. Would Johnny start Phoenix fang dojo while Daniel starts Mareagi-do dojo?

[RayKVega]

YESSSSS!!!!! I'M LOVING IT! I was wishing that there should be a FiM x Cobra Kai fanfic and sure it came true. Thank you, man. You got yourself a new follower! :-) Cobra Kai Never Dies, baby!

[1Bluefur]

10653536
Thank you so much! I've been in a bit of a slump lately but I'll hopefully be updating this soonish.

[1Bluefur]

10646102
Thank you! Haha, to be honest I'm not 100% certain on the specifics of where they're going, but I can hint that they will be working together more often than not (though, very much begrudgingly). Maybe once they get better on their hooves they can explore the possibilities of opening dojos .

[RayKVega]

10712661
No problemo. :-) Can't wait to see where this goes

[aegishailstorm]

Please keep writing this!