• Member Since 20th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 15 minutes ago

1Bluefur


Just your average pony. I write things at least once a century.

E

Twilight hates her new wings, but when Rainbow Dash abruptly schedules her a flight lesson, she might just begin to see the enjoyment in them.

Heads up: Twidash ahead! Prepare your shipping implements!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )
ChappedPenguinLips
Story Approver

A cute little read. I upvoted. It had some errors--spelling and grammatical--but nothing drastic. It wasn't spectacular either, but it was very solid, and put a stupid grin on my face. Felt a little nostalgic to me, oddly. If you'd like more specific critique, and some tips, I'm no great author like Cold in Gardez or SS&E, but I'd be more than happy to help!

Cheers!

7450992 Thank you! It's been such a long hiatus for me I kinda rushed to get it online. I knew off bat it was nothing special. But I'm always happy to get some critique!

ChappedPenguinLips
Story Approver

7451038

Alright, in that case, shoot a PM whenever, and I'd love to help! I can't promise pace, but I can try my best. Things are really busy right now for me, but just shoot me that PM and we can get started. :twilightblush:

This is very short and it's not really much of a story - there's some bits and pieces of conflicts but nothing that comes primarily to the fore to present the major problem that gets resolved. What we have here is really just a few brief scenes or moments that could be part of something larger and more fully developed.

It's also fairly unsubtle about being TwiDash fluff and tries to fan-serve that fluff to the point of doing it at the expense of putting Twilight as the narrator in the position of wearing her heart on her sleeve, so to speak, which comes across to me as unsatisfying because whole narrative seemed to be built around creating opportunities to drop unambiguous hints, rather than having them arise organically out of the natural flow of events.

7453868 That's definitely fair. I never really intended to write much more than just a fluff piece, though I can assure you I never consciously wanted to pander towards anyone (except myself, which depending on what you think could be worse than pandering towards others).

I typed this up in a half hour and I decided to share it partially because sometimes reading fluff nonsense is nice and I kinda of just wanted to do something to prove I wasn't dead in the water. I'll be the first to say it's cheap and stupid. Frankly while I'm pleased by the upvotes I'm slightly surprised by them too all things considered.

But if I ever want to seriously sit down and write something worthwhile I'll definitely keep this comment in mind (I say that genuinely). I'm not much of a romance writer at all and my strength is basically just this so far, so knowing where my pitfalls are going to be will be very helpful. I can definitely see even a serious attempt devolving into something that's less like a well balanced meal and more like somewhat appealing mush. So basically thanks for the critique and I know it will serve me well in the future.

It was cute. Good work. :twilightsmile:

Ok.
This has the potential to be an amazing story.
All you have to do is continue it.

Aww, I was hoping there would be more of thisss!!!
But good story nonetheless! :pinkiehappy:

Not really sure why there's a romance tag if there wasn't any, but it was still a decent story.

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