• Member Since 20th Sep, 2020
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Bandit Blue


T
Source

For most of her life, Ditzy had low self-esteem due to her lazy eye. An unfortunate condition simply because of the attention it brought her, it had little to no impact on her actual sight.

A few stallions came to take advantage of Ditzy's kindness and low self-esteem, praying on her insecurities just to get a night of fun. Those days however are gone since one of these nights of fun led to the birth of Ditzy's most precious treasure, her daughter Dinky.

Despite being extremely clumsy, she knew she was a good pony, a good friend, and did her best to be the best mother she could. And since Dinky was born, Ditzy had come to terms with her eye condition and self-esteem. Or so she thought. As it turns out, traumas can be ignored, but they don't magically disappear.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 17 )

why the rewrite, if i may ask

10702345
To better guide the story to where I want it to go, maybe improve Ditzy's and Limestone's depiction and make some other minor changes/improvements.

She then saw a semi familiar face coming out of Sugarcube Corner. It was a earth pony stallion with a white coat who had a mane made with 2 tones of blue, one lighter and one darker, he had an abacus as a cutie mark and dark blue eyes. That stallion name's was Snowfall Delight. She had delivered him his mail and talked to him a few times for a quick while, and he insisted she'd refer to him as just Snowfall instead of Mr. Delight, which she could understand why.

So it was a fast long time? True... mailponies might graded on speed. Might be typo.

"No thanks, the cakes made sure to stuff me with treats while I was helping them with their books."

cakes might need capitalisation

Ditzy took off gladly, with a smile on her face, thinking she had just given the best humility lesson to an rotten stallion ever. Snowfall was still in shock when he heard a voice coming from behind him.

Looks a little disjointed here.



Still the same tangled ball of negativity as the first time around...

10707574
Thanks for the feedback, I'll fix those mistakes asap.

As for the negativity part, it wasn't done for negativity's sake. I plan to explore the reasons on why Derpy acted like that, and it will be sad because it's trauma ( duh ), but it'll have a happy ending(s).

Also, Limestone's part is at least a little bit wholesome, wouldn't you agree? Hopefully it is.

10708420
It is also me being extra jaded over the last couple years.

10708617
Believe me, I know the feel (of lacking feelings), it's okay. There will be a rainbow after the storm, I promise XD

nice work, But if I may suggest

"Oh... Is he your friend or...?"

"Um... Kinda of. Being honest I came here to torn you a new one because of how you spoke to him but I wasn't expecting... well, you being a mother caught me off guard. And.. I might have been a little jealous."

"I see... I don't know what to say but... you're better off without those types. You're a very pretty mare, I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding someone better."

"What do you mean by "those types"? Did he do something to you or someone you know?"

"Well, no but I know his kind very well..."

"What do even mean by that?!"

"..." Ditzy looked sad and words escaped her mind.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout."

"It's okay, it's not that."

"Well... You don't owe me anything so it's okay if you don't wanna talk. But I think you should apologize to Snowfall. A simple "No." would've been enough, you're broke his heart pretty hard."

"Ugh... It's probably just an act to make other feel bad for him."

"I'm pretty sure that's not the case."

"How can you be sure? Trust me, males are pretty good liars."

"Well, it's just that after you left a dumb pony tried to make him feel better by insulting you and he got so angry by that he made the stallion piss himself in public for starters."

"That's... He was probably just lashing out his anger on the stranger. Just because he didn't get what he wanted as easily as he thought he would."

"Well, he also rejected me when I asked him out a little after that."

"Oh... Well... That's probably because you're not his type."

"Excuse me?!"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean it like that! You see, you're super confident and beautiful, those types like weak mares with no confidence so that they can take advantage of them."

"Why would he like you then?" Ditzy was dumbfounded by Limestone's question.

"Whah? What? What do you mean?!"

"You tore him a new one, if that's not confidence or strength then I don't know what is. You clearly can take care of yourself and on the beauty scale I'm sure you got me beat."

"Humm... No disrespect but... are you blind?" Ditzy said while pointing a hoof to her slow drifting eye.

"You got a lazy eye, yeah. What's the big deal? Do you see yourself as ugly in the mirror because of it?"

"No! But it is... was a big deal..."

"Was?"

It would be worth to work out the emotions here

10708897
You're probably right but I just don't know how :/

10709542
Okay. Still, Hope i could help

10709938
I might have an idea, thanks anyway ^^

Nice work and and an interesting twist

!"Have a lot to atone for probably, buy you're not rotten. You are trying to be better and you should keep trying, and you should do the right thing and turn yourself in."

You mean but, right?

"No problem, money Nerd. Next time you talk to me and maybe ask me on a date, I'll try not to snap at you. I might even say eyes." Snowfall couldn't help but to blush and avert his gaze. Ditzy walked outside but before she could take off, Snowfall called for her.

Umm... excuse me?

Only one or the other? Ditzy and Limestone seemed to like each other we'll enough. :pinkiecrazy:

Login or register to comment