- Member Since 17th Aug, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 28th, 2012
Lady
New to clopfiction so be easy on me.
Lady
Joined 17th Aug, 2012 ·
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- Tootsie Heartstrings · 5.6k words · 41 12 · 1.5k views
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You know you don't need to capitalise their races, right? You wouldn't say 'I'm a Human' and the same applies to ponies.
TS is not amused.
DAYUM
Oh. Uh. What?
I'm sorry. I just can't take it seriously. I'm not going to like or dislike for that reason. I've just seen stuff like it before. The writing isn't half bad, though you do go from third person to first person at times, which is fine if you use italics or something to signify the switch. You didn't, but I think you should. Otherwise it looks as if the narrator is saying "What did I do to deserve this?" other than Twilight.
Like Pinkie says, I'm moving on now...
Good story, following this....
Not too bad but a few things didn't add up for me.
First off when Twilight awakens you mention that she is gagged, yet she seems to talk completely normal throughout the attack. Second is more of a story logistics issue...I know I'm probably thinking too hard on it, but I have to ask why Twilight doesn't use magic to resist.
Otherwise I was quite intrigued. Keep going!
Story title: One By One
My thought train: "THE SAXONS DISBAND, OR DIE WHERE THEY STAND"
I think i have been listening to too much Sabaton recently.