- Member Since 14th Oct, 2019
- online
AndwhatIseeisme
I write stories mainly featuring small horses having sex with one another, and that is probably all you really need to know about me.
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🎵WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE!🎵
🤣🐏
Pinkie can definitely take a turn for the eldritch if you're not careful. I recommend keeping a reserve tank of promethium on hand to spray like water at a misbehaving cat.
10188641
I'll keep that in mind for next time. I went in woefully unprepared to handle Pinkie Pie for this. All I know is that I sat down to start writing a cute little fic with maybe some Beatles references thrown in, and then next thing I knew I was awaking from my fugue with this story having manifested itself on my computer and a strange compulsion to post it.
I love that Beatles song.
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-I’m sure I missed most of the references in here, since I’m by no means a Beatles fan.
-Lots of fourth wall breaking, which really messes up any sense of immersion ... other than punny senses of immersion.
-Dialog tags are used very heavily.
-Lots of passive voice.
-There were a couple typos:
thick appendage ups the assthis hit's the spot-Pinkie is very Pinkie in this story ... until the actual sex part, where she becomes the Mane-iac.
-Not sure about the use of a Lovecraft reference at the end -- couldn’t it have been some kind of Beatles reference to stay closer to the story’s theme and tone?
-This story is more random/comedy than clopfic, which is part of the reason for low scores.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 60/100
Allure: 20/100
Enticement: 30/100
Immersion: 10/100
Prose Quality: 65/100
Total Score: 185/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!