• Published 29th Nov 2019
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The Legend of Trixie - Ninjadeadbeard

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Day 4: First Entry - I wanna go home...

To: Princess Twilight Sparkle, Ruler and Prime-Sextarch of Equestria, Alicorn Princess of the Sun, Moon, and Friendship, Equi Regina, etc, etc.
From: AK Yearling
Date: 1138 Celestial Era*, 25 Twilight Era
*sorry, old habits

Princess Twilight Sparkle:

The following journal extracts were recovered from dig site G1#1020-231986, “The Tomb of Gusty the Great” by local legend, and one proposed location of the mythical City of Tambelon.

And by ‘recovered’, I do mean that I stole them. Well, the famous archaeologist and adventurer, Daring Do, stole them. I will never stop being amazed at how nopony has ever managed to see through my disguise. I mean, really! Ahuizotl even wrote a book about it!

Anywhoo, Princess, I hope you appreciate this report, since it was you who ordered this whole cover-up, I presume to protect the time-space continuum or just Equestrian historical records. I really hope you do. Do you know how hard it is to find a foalsitter on short notice? Caballeron can’t cook, so he and our little

Sorry. I’m an author. I like to elaborate. They used to pay us by the word. So, since it’s gonna take me months to get through this report, I’m subjecting you to my old authorial tricks. I think it’s only fair.

So, the boring parts you’re somehow not interested in:

There was indeed a cult attempting to use Gusty’s Tomb to bring back Grogar and the city of Tambelon. Don’t worry, they didn’t get close. Suffice it to say, I stopped the ritual and ended up banishing them to the realm of darkness they’d sought to unleash upon ponykind (you can read about the entire encounter in my upcoming book, Daring Do and the Return of Tambelon!).

Old Gusty… I really couldn’t believe she was real, that Grogar was real! And I was standing in her tomb! It was very swanky. Very beautiful.

Was. Past tense. I told you that temples and tombs tend to explode around me, and this time it wasn’t my fault!

Anyway, I managed to rescue a couple of artifacts from the site before it went all pear-shaped. Don’t tell Applejack I said that. I know she’s a Pear, technically, but it wasn’t

I’m just gonna stop rambling now. The one artifact you were hoping to find was, in fact, there. I really can’t tell you how bizarre it is to hold a journal that’s older than Celestia and Luna… heck, older than Equestria by several centuries! And yet, if you were being honest with me, this was written by a mare that’s alive today? A time traveler?

I’ve seen weirder, so I don’t doubt you. Still. The fact that Trixie Lulamoon, of all ponies, got to go back in time and shape the very earliest myths and legends of our ancestors. Can’t help but have a slight sense of existential terror at the prospect, but then… here we are.

I’ll try and clean up the text as much as I can. It… looks beat up. Several pages look like they’ve taken extensive fire and water damage, in addition to the erosion of time. My experience with such ancient tomes should come in handy as I work to restore what I can. I know uncovering the mysteries of that ancient time… without having to deal with Trixie to get at them, has been a high priority of yours for years.

This report will be a mixture of Trixie’s personal writings she made in a journal while taking her extended chrono-vacation (though considering some of the things she got up to, I wouldn't call it that), as well as my own editorial notations and additions. Don’t worry, I’m just adding a bit here and there for when Trixie missed something big and obvious. You’d be surprised… how often that happens. Still, I’ll reign it in. You want Trixie’s account, not my interpretation of it.

Oh, and if you do end up rescinding the Blackout order on this thing? Could you let me write the forward?

AK Yearling

AKA Daring Do


Entry #1

The Journal of the Great and Powerful Trixie

Trixie, the Great and Powerful’s Diary

Diary of

Dear

To whom

*indecipherable scribbles*

*indecipherable scribbles*

*doodle of Starlight Glimmer (presumed), file attached to report in Author Notes*

Trixie wants to go home.


Day 5

Starlight, if you’re reading this, use your freaky magic time travel table and COME RESCUE ME!!!

The fact that I just waited ten minutes for you to pop out of a time portal and nothing happened does not fill me with confidence in our friendship. Heck, I’d take Princess Sparkle’s help right about now. I’d grovel for her help.

Just so we’re clear, the Great and Powerful Trixie only said that to see if Twilight would come and save her. The fact that she didn’t voids any and all groveling Trixie may or may not have promised.

Just in case this diary ends up in the hooves of somepony who can read it, Trixie would like them to know that none of this was Trixie’s fault. She would also appreciate it if they could warn me in the future about not cribbing my spell-homework off of Starlight Glimmer’s Time Travel notes. Just wait until Summer in the year 1113, Celestial Era, and…

*text smeared, water-damage*

… Friendship.

Well. In case somepony doesn’t warn me in time, I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, would like there to be some record of my disappearance, and what I’ve been up to in the meantime. If nothing else, it will give me something to do besides listen to everypony blather on in that silly Old Ponish accent.

Like, I get it! We’re all talking like Luna now!

So, where to start?

I had initially come to the Castle of Friendship, in Ponyville, in order to perform for Twilight Sparkle and my best friend and magical mentor, Starlight Glimmer. I’d finally perfected a foolproof “Disappear-Reappear” spell that would allow me to, well, disappear and reappear! I had the whole thing down pat.

On paper. I had it all down on paper. But the spell I used to base mine off of was one of Starlight’s Time Travel spells. I know that sounds dangerous, but it was the perfect means of letting me appear somewhere, and then vanish for several seconds without being detectable like if I was just invisible, or dealing with teleportation, which would look a lot less impressive in a show.

So, the problem with the spell was that it needed Twilight Sparkle’s magical Cutie-Mark Table thing she’s got stashed in her castle as a magical focus. Alright, it also just didn’t work right, so there may be more than one problem with the spell.

Anyway, I cast the spell, and then there was this wind that picked up in the castle. I thought maybe somepony had opened a window at first, but then it picked me up! And before I knew it, I was falling up into the air!

My showpony pride wouldn’t allow me to leave without bidding a hearty farewell, however. After all, while I knew I’d be back in a second or two from their perspective, I still had to sow the illusion.

“Ta-da!” I said, just as the swirling portal opened above me and sucked me in.

A second later, I was not back in the castle.

I was plummeting through a sea of clouds, rain, and fog towards a sea of trees.

Now, Trixie is a great and powerful showpony, and so her reflexes are like that of a Tiger. But even she can be taken off guard at times, and there’s not a whole heck of a lot you can do to counter a thirty-foot drop into a dense forest.

Luckily, the trees broke my fall. One branch after another snapped under Trixie, slowing her descent, and allowing me to expertly dive into a large bush on the forest floor. But this incredible maneuver required a lot of Trixie’s energy, and so she decided to take a nap then and there.

I don’t know how long I was out. That crash expert maneuver took a lot out of me. I was in a small clearing, surrounded by tall trees under a flat, grey sky. And there wasn’t a single speck of green magical time energy, or a portal of any sort that I could see.

Trixie doesn’t panic, but she will admit to being a bit worried at this point. She

I was so scared. I screamed and hollered at the sky for hours trying to just get somepony, anypony to hear me. Stupid Trixie. Stupid, stupid stupid stupid stupid1


Well, after realizing the portal wasn’t going to open, I decided that I had to get myself shelter, food, and all the other necessities if I were to devise a means of returning to where I’d come from.

That hasn’t happened yet. The devising part. I’m basically screwed.

So, with my steely resolve, I resolved decided to seek out the necessities of life first.

It took a while, but I was able to whip up a new wizard hat and cape. Sure, they were made out of leaves backed by twigs and grass, but living a hard life on the road has taught me many necessary skills, like costume design. I may not be as skilled as Rarity, but I can do plenty of repair work on my own.

With that out of the way, I now set out to find food and shelter.

Trixie, despite her esteemed pedigree as a showpony and wanderer, hasn’t had to rough it in quite some time, so many of her skills have, shall we say, atrophied due to her wild success as a magician and school counselor. I ended up spending three days scouring those stinking woods for food, and all I found were some berries, grass, and a few mushrooms I at first assumed were truffles.

They were not truffles. Not at all. They were fantastic, but not truffles. All those things did was make me lose a day and make me hungrier.

I got so desperate at one point that I even attempted to eat a rabbit. Yes, Trixie will admit to this most shameful of actions. Few know this, or at least will admit it in polite company, but we ponies can eat small amounts of meat, if desperate enough. And let me tell you, honey, I was that desperate. I’d learned how to prepare such a terrible meal from my first wanderer-teachers, right out of Celestia’s School.

I can still remember that old stallion, Grey Prancer2, teaching me all about surviving the wilds. I think I still had soot on my coat from the Incident3 that saw my time at the Unicorn school ended, and he was kind and understanding enough of my circumstances to teach me his secrets.

Trixie wishes sometimes she could remember what her father looked like, since all she can imagine is Prancer

Disregard, Swirly distracted me. I’ll get to him soon.

I would have caught this one little bugger too. But the impish creature4 was quick and clever, and some ingenious pony-survivalist had set up a nearly-invisible, expertly crafted snare just like Trixie’s in the same area, which caught me instead of the rabbit. There was nothing I could do to avoid the insidious trap, except for cut myself out of it later.

Still, I had just enough to not starve. Shelter was, by far, much harder to find. I just could not find a decent cave to save my life anywhere in that stupid forest, and had to make due with hiding from the constant rain under tree branches while keeping an eye out for predators.

Eugh, it really was my fourteenth birthday all over again.

I was feeling pretty poorly around this time. Don’t speak of this to anyone, Journal, but the Great and Powerful Trixie isn’t the mare most believe she is. True, Trixie is beloved by all of Equestria, but in truth she is little more than a stage magician. Oh, I know plenty of real magic thanks to Starlight and Twilight, but

I know I’m a fraud.


*indecipherable scribbles*


Luckily, my time on the road, and in Starlight’s tutelage, has given me some other spells to fall back on. The one I started using the most then was a paper-fabrication spell. I went around all the trees I could hide under, and I spent a little magic turning the bark into paper so I could start my journal and stuff my cape and hat against the cold. It was far too wet to get a fire going, and my last attempts at heating-magic ended up with Twilight’s first-floor guest room bursting into flames.

Admittedly, that spell became redundant once I found

Oh, right.

Day 4, I finally found civilization! I had picked a random direction initially, once I’d pulled myself together enough to start traveling, and I was now rewarded with the sight of campfire smoke over the treetops! Oh, it filled the wanderer heart in me to see that.


*the following message is scribbled into the margins, same hornwriting, but pen instead of charcoal like the early entries*

I wish I’d never set hoof there. Maybe they’d still be alive.5


Finally free of that forest, I found a frosty reception at the town’s fortifications following my foray out of the

I don’t know how Sparkle stands alliteration. It’s just annoying. Like her.6

So, I took off from the forest woods, and made my way down the dirt path towards town. And, wow, this place is nothing like I expected. The walls, for one thing. Did not expect those. I’ve seen a few of the old, couple-hundred-year-old ones that they tell tourists not to touch in some cities, like Canterlot.

I’d never seen them ponied, however. With actual guards! Well, not until now. I also never saw ones that were more like a pile of earth backed up by wooden stacks, except for once in Vanhoover. But that was also a tourist trap. This town also looked a lot bigger than those dinky little frontier towns. At least, from the road it looked like it was about as big as Ponyville.

As I got nearer to the town, I could sense some hostility. Believe Trixie, when you’re as Great and Powerful a showpony as she is, you learn how to read a crowd, and a charging group of guards is definitely a hostile crowd. Over a dozen of the brutes surrounded me, and started aiming their spears.

These guards were dressed oddly. No gold armored unicorns here. They were all earth ponies wrapped up in leather with bronze caps. I could have sworn I’d seen that look in an old play or something, but when spears are that close to my face, I tend to gloss over details.

Anyway, they start shouting at me in Luna-speak. Which, while the Great and Powerful Trixie knows from her time at CSGU, she doesn’t use often, and so it took a few choice words on my part and theirs before I fully started translating what they were saying.

Don’t worry, I’ll translate into modern Ponish for the journal. Thank me later!7

The lead pony was a big guy, with a bright blue coat and a raspberry pink mane. I actually thought he might be related to Mrs. Cake for a moment.

Anyway, he asked me, “Where did you come from? Who are you?”

“Who am I?” I asked, naturally curious as to how anypony could mistake the Great and Powerful Trixie for anypony else, “Why, I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! Mare of Mystery! The finest showpony to walk the roads of Equestria!”

That usually gets some sort of applause going, but for some reason these goofs didn’t seem to understand what I was saying.

“You’ve a pretty funny accent,” the guard captain said, “Where be this Equestria?”

I rolled my eyes at his ‘joke’. “Ha ha,” I said, sarcastically, “That’s funny. Now, can I come in or what? I haven’t had a decent bite to eat in three days!”


*page indecipherable, coffee stains*8


I was panicking by this point. No Ponyville? No Equestria? This Bowtie fellow didn’t even seem to know who the Princesses were! I mean, sure, whoever heard of Twilight Sparkle, but Celestia!?

I fished out the lone possession I’d brought back with me, a small purse of bits I’d hidden in my mane. Let me tell you, that’s the most important thing you can hide on yourself. I wish I’d brought my cape and hat, but no use crying over split (sic) milk.

As soon as those ponies saw my bits, they were

Once my bits

I showed them the goods

Trixie’s not normally this way, I assure you.

The guards seemed dazzled by the money when I showed it to them.

“See!?” I said, really hoping by that point that I was entirely wrong about what had happened, “Celestia! Luna! Sun and Moon! Don’t you remember?”

Captain Bowtie just stared at the bit I gave him. At first, I was hoping he’d suddenly come to his senses. Then, he asked me how I’d come across so much gold.

I had to sit down when I heard that.

So, on the one hoof: I was in the past. I am in the past. I am trapped in the past, the past where the Sun and Moon move on their own, nopony has ever heard of Equestria, and where they don’t know about Hearth’s Warming, because that hasn’t happened yet.

On the other hoof, apparently thirty bits makes me one of the richest ponies in the world!9

No, I’m not stupid, Journal. Starlight even gave me a whole lecture on time travel once, after I’d pestered her for a few days. I just wish I could remember half of it. I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to mess with established events, but since I don’t really know what those are10, I figure as long as I don’t try to break anything, it should work out until I can get back home.

In the meantime, time to live it up!


Captain Bowtie Wishes was happy enough to let me into town once he saw that I was a rich unicorn. Apparently, Hyneighria’s11 been economically depressed for a while, so a little more cashflow wouldn’t hurt. He even gave me a tour of the place.

And let me tell you, this place is kind of a dump. Even Ponyville was a ritzier joint, but then I guess that’s only to be expected of a primitive little town. The whole place is muddy, and all the buildings are like stone barns with wooden upper-floors added for the ponies to live, and everything is plastered white so it almost looks like Canterlot after a buckball riot.

Bowtie started pointing out places in town, but I really wasn’t paying attention. No offense to Bowtie, he seems like a nice stallion, but I was suddenly distracted by the fact that Applejack was minding a stall on the first corner. A peach stall.

I know! Applejack! Well, it looked like Applejack. Her face was like a clone of that mare, but her coat was a lot lighter, and her mane was this almost strawberry-pink color. I couldn’t believe it!12

And then I was distracted again by a loud bang and a cloud of confetti. I thought for a second that Pinkie Pie had come back in time to get me, or that I had simply suffered a stroke and all my friends were starting to show up at the hospital.

Instead, I found myself staring at a unicorn mare filly really, with the exact same swirly pink man and light-blue coat as Bowtie, and her horn was blasting confetti and razzle-dazzle sounds like there was no tomorrow!

“Confound it Ribbon Wishes!” he’d cried out, clearly as exasperated at her antics as I was amazed (what? Can’t I admire a fellow performer’s skill?), “What have I told you about sneaking up on folk!?”

“Sorry Big Bro-tie, but I can’t pass up the chance to show off to a real Wizard!”

I liked this filly. Bright future, I could tell!

“Now, how in the hay can you tell she’s a wizard?” Bowtie asked, failing to mask how badly the magic-horn-confetti had spooked him.

I kinda miss Pinkie Pie, now that I think about it.

“The hat!” said little Ribbon, like it was the most simple concept in the world to grasp. And to be fair, it was.

Bowtie, stuffy as he seemed, I could tell he melted a little around his little sister, as he introduced her to me. She was thrilled to meet a Great and Powerful magician as myself, and I didn’t exactly dissuade her from calling me a wizard.

After all, if that Starswirl guy Twilight was gabbing on and on about was a Wizard, surely Trixie would equally qualify?13

Eventually, Ribbon was sent home to get dinner set up, as the Wishes siblings apparently lived alone. I didn’t prod too hard into the matter. Everypony needs a secret or two, and I know personally that stuff dealing with your parents is rough. Especially when they leave and never come ba

But in the meantime, ‘Applejack’ had taken down her stall and vanished. I wasn’t entirely sure what I saw, and I didn’t want Bowtie to think I was crazy or anything, so I figured I’d just let him take me to their mayor.

Now, future reader of the words of the Grea

Right, that’s getting old. You’ve probably already heard of the mighty and magical exploits of the Great and Powerful Trixie, so I shall endeavor to cut down on that talk in this journal.14

Most of the town was hay-roofed barns of wood and stone, but for what its worth, the Mayor’s Manor was something else entirely. It was a large, stone building, more like a great hall than anything else. But on one side of the manor, it looked like they’d let a tree grow wildly out of control. The thing was like Ponyville’s old oak library (felt bad for Sparkle when it blew up, losing a home is hard, I know) but over twice as tall, and clearly lived-in!

“Finally impressed you with something?” I didn’t realize I’d been staring as Bowtie caught me off guard.

I blushed, and tried to recover, “It’s… it’s a very nice tree.”

Nailed it.

Bowtie just smiled and led me into the manor itself. The place was actually really nice. Not like Manehatten or Las Pegasus, but nice. Like a clean but otherwise modest hotel. The whole building was colored pink on the inside, which I’m sure is going to get old if I end up staying here a while. The captain left me alone in a little lobby for a few minutes, which gave me plenty of time to check out the furniture. You can always tell a place is nice if they take care of their furniture. Nopony checks furniture, so a lot of places think they can skimp on upkeep there.

An earth pony servant came in and offered a pot of tea. When I asked for coffee, the gray-coated mare* gave me this confused look. I was sure she heard me, so at first I didn't realize what was wrong. When I started describing what I was talking about (I even showed her a couple of coffee beans I’d found growing wild out in the forest), she asked me if I wanted a tea brewed from them.

*Holy Luna. I just realized she's a dead-ringer for an earth pony Derpy Hooves! What is up with this place!?

I said yes, and it was only after Merry Weather (I asked! The Great and Powerful Trixie is nothing if not kind to wait-staff) left that I started to think if I could remember the history of coffee.

Well, a little more caffeine couldn’t hurt these ancient ponies, right?

Finally, the Mayor showed up, and I may have lost my mind. The stroke-theory suddenly felt a lot more plausible, in any case.

“Sparkle!?” I cried as I watched the Princess waltz into the lobby foyer, whatever.

Twilight was just as shocked as I was. “H-how do you know my name!?”

It was then that I got a good gander at the pony who was definitely not Twilight Sparkle. A unicorn, yes. But her coat was pink, instead of purple, and her mane was black with a purple stripe. More, her cutie mark was clearly a bunch of purple stars. Didn't make it any easier staring right at a color-corrected clone of the Princess.

“Mayor Sparkleshine,” Bowtie gasped, “I never told her your name.”

Cool, roll with it!

“Why, I am a Great and Powerful Magician!” I exclaimed, throwing down a quick smoke-spell and letting my admittedly makeshift cape billow behind me a moment.

Mayor Sparkleshine’s aide, a donkey, was clearly in awe of my stage-presence. “A… a wizard!?”

Ellipses show how he hesitated, so impressed was he by my amazing power.15

“Magician, Bray16,” Sparkleshine corrected him, “She said magician. But the fact that you knew my name… where did you come from? There aren’t a lot of unicorn-settlements nearby, and your accent is so… strange.”

Oops. Trixie will admit she hadn’t thought of how to cover all of her great and powerful time-traveling quirks. Like the fact that the version of Old Ponish taught by my old CSGU teachers was apparently a rare dialect only Luna and presumably the ponies wherever she and Celestia were from spoke.17

Again, roll with it.

“I am from a land very, very far away and full of magic,” I said, tipping my hat with a quick bit of telekinesis, “How else could I have known your name if not by magic?”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Sparkleshine gave me an odd look that reminded me so much of Twilight. She really does resemble her, like a lot!

Bray, the donkey, was also giving me an odd look. I think he might have had gas or something. But he just excused himself and left, apparently to visit his mother or something. I hardly noticed.18

I explained myself the best I could to the mayor, going on about the forest and my traveling show (she seemed enthralled by the idea of a travelling wizard, to the point where I was seriously doubting how I could have mistaken her for Sparkle at all. Twilight, regardless of her accomplishments, is a terminal killjoy), while deftly skipping over the whole time-travel thing.

It helped that I could claim a bad teleportation experiment did it. Which wasn’t entirely untrue. But that was a mistake, since it turned out Sparkleshine is really into teleportation magic, at least the theory of it.

Yeah, they don’t have teleportation spells yet. And I just confirmed for this little bookworm-minor-noble that her research was going to one day work out. Or, one day originally. Now I’ve promised to teach her. Lucky me.

Anyway, it’s getting late, and I need my beauty rest. So I will hurry this last part up.

Trixie was able to whip up a list of all the things she would need to resume her travels. As much fun as it would be to lord my bits and my magic over everypony here, I know for a fact that would be a bad idea. Not only does lording over anypony never work out in the longterm, I kinda like the ponies here. Plus, as a traveling showpony, I can keep a low-profile and probably avoid altering history better than as a millionaire slumming it in this town.

See, Starlight? I learned something by listening to you.

Also, there’s no outhouses here. They just go in the fields! I don’t think I could look at these ponies for much longer knowing that! Knowing where their hooves have been.

Losing track, and paper. I

*coffee stains across page*

That was Merry Weather. I might have screwed up. She came into my room in the Tree-tower all jittery with my coffee. And then she spilled it on my new journal, freshly made.

Alright. I’ll be briefer this time.

It cost a few bits, but the town is more than happy to help me get a better outfit and a wagon set for traveling. I’m going to give a few shows here, then get out before I screw with time some more. I’m starting to see the downsides of introducing coffee to this time period.

But I am absolutely teaching them about toilet paper and outhouses tomorrow.

Goodnight, Journal.


Right, and before I forget, thank you for reminding me kid, I’ve met another little friend here. Apparently, Sparkleshine’s the mayor of this town, but she’s not the librarian like my Sparkle. So, she’s got a couple of ponies working in this Tree-tower doing just that.

And their kid is, admittedly, adorable, despite the way he pouts as I write and read this aloud to him. Apparently, he prefers Dark and Dangerous. Swirly19 is a little grey colt no bigger than those Cutie Mark Crusaders back home. He sounds like he’s a bigger fan of magic and wizards than even Ribbons was. So, as I’ve been settling in, he’s been bugging me for magic secrets and

Just caught him checking my hat again. I pulled a bit out of there, and he’s been asking about pockets, transfiguration, and all that jazz. Yeah, he’s got the Moxy to be a magician. I’ll give him that.

But now I really do have to go to bed. I got a show to plan tomorrow.


Editor Annotations

  1. Trixie obviously had no need to edit anything, so this sort of thing will pop up more as we go. Only once or twice does she purposefully scratch out something to prevent anypony from reading it later. Most of her self-edits are just angry scribbles.
  2. The only things I could find on Grey Prancer were open-warrants for vagrancy and a few old playbills from before I was born for a play called Less Misery, in which he appeared to play a tree. If Grey Prancer was anything more than a conpony and a wanderer, there's no record of it.
  3. Trixie's Official Transcript gives the following as the reason for her expulsion, quoted by one Miss Spellcaster, 3rd grade Magic instructor at the CSGU: "FIRE! SWEET CELESTIA HOW COULD ONE FILLY TORCH SO MUCH!?"
  4. Discord helpfully alerted me to the fact that this particular rabbit was, apparently, the ancestor of Angel. Who the heck this "Angel" is, I don't know. I assume you'll have some idea as to what that Draconequus was talking about.
  5. This is called, Foreshadowing. Trixie will eventually go back through her journal and let loose some of her frustrations like this. It makes for an interesting read, at least as a writer myself.
  6. Seriously, what happened between you two? Even Caballeron and I weren't that snarky towards each other. Marriage came first. ;D
  7. Two things: One, records from CSGU indicate that Trixie actually scored higher than Moondancer, Sunburst, and Twilight Sparkle in Old Ponish studies. In fact, it would seem Trixie can speak a variety of languages and dialects, to the point where I'd say she's a savant. Seriously, that's just... not fair. Princess Luna left me a note in a dream while I was writing this report. Apparently, Trixie now speaks Old Ponish with an accent since her time-hop. So that's neat.

    Two: She had a year to listen to real Old Ponish. I know a few linguists who'd give their right hoof for that sort of insight into the foundation of our own language. And Trixie thinks she's doing us a favor by translating it!!! I can see why you hate her.

  8. First recorded instance of coffee in Equestrian history: 176 Celestial Era, in response to the Equestrian Government researchers finding a way to keep Celestia going through the night following her Assumption of the Moon in the wake of the Nightmare.

    Approximate age of Trixie's coffee stain: 400 years before that.

  9. What records exist would indicate that the semi-historical Queen Mine Dust of the Golden Hoof was the richest pony of note in the pre-Classical era. Though she wouldn't be born for another century after the events of Trixie's Journal, if we used her by comparison, and took Trixie's at face value (ha!), Trixie might have been hauling around more gold than had ever been mined by pony-kind by that point.

    Addendum: Starswirl the Bearded has confirmed that the gold value of thirty bits in those days (how old is he anyway?) would have made Trixie almost a millionaire by modern standards. Yet another reason to hate her.

  10. I needed a lie-down after I read that. We could have all blipped out of existence the second she said that, I hope you realize. Luna better visit my dreams tonight, because I need it.
  11. Hyneighria: An ancient, poorly attested settlement in archaic pony lore that was purported to be the hometown of Starswirl the Bearded. Best estimates by modern archaeological research puts its location somewhere in the immediate vicinity of the future Ponyville, thought several millennia removed. And that's all from half a poem found carved into a rock in a cave some archaeologist found a century ago. If you ever let this stuff get officially published, it'll make academic heads explode.
  12. Everycreature complains about us ponies all looking alike except for mane-styles and cutie marks, and thinking about this bit makes even me wonder if they're right. Then again, I'm always told the Apples have ridiculously strong genetics, so it could just be an ancestor.
  13. No. Even at the most generous, Trixie is not a Wizard by any stretch. A very talented illusionist, stage magician, and apparently wilderness survivalist, but not a Wizard.
  14. She fails. Not forever, but it's going to be a while until she breaks the third-pony habit.
  15. As a writer, I hate both how Trixie writes, as well as how she isn't wrong... this time.
  16. Bray is attested to in the ancient myths and legends of the Archaic Period. Nothing nice is said, especially after he joins forces with Grogar. Spoiler, I know, but you should really see the curses and explicit imagery Trixie's written and drawn into the margins around his name. "Traitor" is the only thing re-printable.
  17. Official Ancient Alicorn Accent confirmed?
  18. More explicit and unprintable language in the margins here. Trixie seems to wonder if she could use the Map Table to go back and do some unspeakable things to Bray here.
  19. From what you've said on how this whole adventure wrapped up, I'm going out on a limb here and guessing this Swirly is going to be a big deal down the line.

Should be fewer and fewer notes from here on out. Don't want to repeat myself too often, and Trixie does get better about a lot of her anachronisms (the causing thereof).

Author's Note:

Trixie's doodle of Starlight (Alleged)

An artist's quick mock-up of key ponies mentioned thus far.

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Comments ( 33 )

Okay, honesty time: I'm mostly reading this because I need something to cleanse my mind of the Fat Trixie crisis.

And for those of you whose minds have not yet been spoiled by that horror, then consider yourselves lucky. You do not want to know.

All kidding aside, this looks legitimately funny. Tracking.

9966279

the Fat Trixie crisis

I pray for a swift end to humanity. :trixieshiftleft:

9966308
Eh, I'd just settle for a swift end to that guy's shenanigans.

But getting back on topic; I really like what I'm seeing thus far. The journal entries, especially at the beginning, are legitimately fun to read. Curious to see where this goes in the end.

Already having fun, and Trixie hasn't even gotten to the good parts yet.

I think Daring Do is going to have some choice words for Trixie if they ever meet.

Looking forward to how much Trixie screws things up next time!

Making this into a continuing series? Excellent, he said, steepling his fingers and hunching his back.

Oh, this looks so great!

This fic couldn't be anymore perfectly Trixie than this even if it tried. :rainbowlaugh:

This promises to be a very fun read indeed. And Daring's footnotes just add to the fun. :twilightsmile:

I am always up for time travel stories, and Trixie stories, and Grogar stories featuring an authentic Grogar. Also interested in how you’re gonna handle Bray.

But can it deliver?

This reminds me a bit of the Warhammer Cain novels. Here you have a rogue-esk (if not stupidly lucky) character who is perceived as a heroic figure to the public while a third party does the narration, constantly adding their two cents like the straight-man.

9966780
Shoot. I've been found out. Time to call Exterminatus...

9966946
The bureau called, they are asking if you want a planetary bombardment, a cyclonic missile, a deathwatch team to deliver their doomsday device or if you just want to call in the guard.


On a serious note though, this is a real piece of work you made up!

9966334
Logically speaking, they did meet. After this was all over, and one of their mutual not-quite-friends pushed them towards actually publishing it.

9967218
It's also possible that Trixie has been back for decades now and hasn't talked about what happened to her. Given how young she seems to be in this, I'm guessing this happened not long before or after Twilight ascended the throne and it's taken 25 years for them to find the journal.

In short, Trixie's being unreliable, forcing them to look for the written first hand accounts themselves and comparing it with their historical/archeological record. At least, there's no indication that this happened to Trixie recently nor is there any suggestion that they haven't found her yet and she's still stuck. I guess we'll wait and see.

There was indeed a cult attempting to use Gusty’s Tomb to bring back Grogar and the city of Tambelon. Don’t worry, they didn’t get close. Suffice it to say, I stopped the ritual and ended up banishing them to the realm of darkness they’d sought to unleash upon ponykind (you can read about the entire encounter in my upcoming book, Daring Do and the Return of Tambelon !).

Did you just open yourself up to writing a Daring Do story, because I think you just opened yourself up to writing a Daring Do story. Also, she and Cabelleron have a kid! That's adorable!

*ughhhhh*

This is gonna be great.

I love everything about this story. You really capture Trixie's personality here. Can't wait for what this story will bring!

9967506

Trixie's being unreliable

In other news, the sky is blue. :twilightsmile:

Also, it’s first-hoof account. :pinkiecrazy:

9967506
im half expecting trixie to be princess platinum

I love this. You’ve caught Trixie’s voice perfectly, and the interplay between her writing and Yearling’s commentary is a brilliant counterpoint. And at the same time, you’re worldbuilding and adding depth to both narrators, even while making measured use of Trixie’s being an unreliable narrator (and her desire to be reliable). The corrections that Trixie has in the text only add to all these effects, and the notes that Trix added in later are wonderful foreshadowing.

9967728
I'm half expecting her to be Starswirl The Bearded's mentor. Would explain their similar fashion sense.

9967586
Alternately, Trixie was totally honest about saving Equestria, mentoring Starswirl, rescuing the princesses, and who knows what else, but no one believed her because she's Trixie and so they launched a search to uncover the real story.


9968167
Did you read the story this is a sequel to? She is/was.

I needed a lie-down after I read that. We could have all blipped out of existence the second she said that, I hope you realize. Luna better visit my dreams tonight, because I need it.

Ponies assume that time is a strictt progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, its more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff.

9968167
well she end up marrying him so maybe

You’d be surprised… how often that happens.

Dear Daring,
No, no I wouldn't.
Twilight

"FIRE! SWEET CELESTIA HOW COULD ONE FILLY TORCH SO MUCH!?"

Huh. I half-expected that to get her put into Advanced Placement.

In fact, it would seem Trixie can speak a variety of languages and dialects, to the point where I'd say she's a savant.

Part of Rincewind Syndrome. Something about an inverse relationship between comprehending mundane languages and understanding the arcane. Mind you, Trixie's case is less severe than the best-known case, so it's not as extreme either way.

the past where the Sun and Moon move on their own

Seems Magical History was one of Trixie's poorer subjects.

This is going to be a lot of fun. Indeed, it already is! Looking forward to more.

9969227

Huh. I half-expected that to get her put into Advanced Placement.

Not when you launch a firework into Advanced Placement and nail Celestia in the back of the head...

Part of Rincewind Syndrome.

Ironically, Trixie also has the soul of a magician but the body of a sprinter.

"Between the time when the oceans drank Marelantis and the rise of the herd of Alicorns, there was an age undreamed of. And unto this, Trixie, destined to wear the jeweled Amulet of Alicornia upon a troubled mane. It is I, her chronicler*, who alone can tell thee of this saga. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!"

screaming unicorn crashes through trees, lands in bush

"Yes. High adventure."**

eats some really good mushrooms

"HIGH. ADVENTURE."

*I swear to Faust, having to write this in faux-Old Ponish because the editor thought it was "the right tone for an ancient story of the Pre-Discordian era"...I'm Daring Do, not Shake Sphere!
**Hijinks. Close enough.

9968167
This story is a pre/sequel (time travel is weird) and the prior already established that.

I think I need more of this story in my life. It's that good. So much potential.

This. Is. Great!

I laughed, I got exited for the adventure ahead, the danger, the problem Trixie will cause, etc. I hope she will get an outfit like the one in the story picture. Advanturing Trixie is best Trixie!

I mean, the world outside of the settlement is full of monsters, bandits and random magical problem that to travel on hoof pulling a cart all across the nation, you have to be clever, resourscefull, a bit merciless and be able to survive.

Can't wait for future chapters!

10030678
It’s coming! But I’ve had to shift around writing schedules recently, so it will still be a while.

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