Past - Galloping to Gallopoli
T ri xiE Lulumun
Trixe Lulomon
Trixie.
Trixie.
Tiks
Trixie Lulamoon.
Trixie Luman
Trixie Lulamoon. The Greet
The Grat
Teh
T
Lulamoon
*indecipherable scrawls*
///\/\//-//-\//\\/\/-\/\/-/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/-\/\/\//\\//////////
T
R
Trixk
Trixie
Trixie
Trixie
Trixie Lulamoon.
I am Trixie Lulamoon, the Great and Powerful.
I am the Great and Poweful Trixie Lulamoon.
*some text illegible, obscured by water droplets*
My magic’s finally stabilized. I think my horn’s working agin again.
I think my horn is working again. Thank Luna.
Sorry about the drop off, Journal. It’s been a time and a half. Not that you would be aware of the time skip. You know. You being a Journal.
Not sure if even the Great and stop it Trixie
It’s been two weeks since I was able to use magic. As it turns out, trying to move the sun and moon isn’t as easy as the Princesses make it look. Every channel in my body must’ve blown out, the way Swirly talked about my injuries. But whatever was in that salve Swirly found, it seems to have done its job.
If I’d had my magic back from day one, I might’ve been able to scan the stuff, but oh well. It’s the only reason I’m not learning to write with my mouth or hooves, so I’ll take it. Still, even weeks later, my everything hurts. The feedback from my stunt could have—
Nevermind. It didn’t.
Been an eventful two weeks, Trixie supposes. Guess I’ll try and catch you up.
I woke up from what felt like a dreamless sleep. Kind of a nice change of pace, considering my dreams lately. I just sort of floated along in a black room, it felt like, though I couldn’t help but feel like somepony was watching me the whole time.
Swirly was ecstatic to see me get up. On balance, it’s not too bad to have somepony give you a teary-eyed hug right as the day begins. Even considering how much everything hurt. I was basically in a haze that whole first day.
Well, when I wasn’t crying. I managed to hold it in a little around Swirly, but my magic was gone. The little flame inside me that told me I could be as Great and Powerful as I always pretended to be was just a cold void.
Starlight showed me something once. That Friendship Table of Twilight’s, the one that got me here, can do all sorts of things with time, I guess. I mean, it’s how all these stupid time travel spells work, after all.
The table can, with the right spell, show you all sorts of what-if’s, Journal. Trixie scoffed, at first. But curiosity got the better of me. So, I asked Starlight to let me try it out, once. Sparkle was off doing something else, so she wouldn’t bother us.
I asked a couple of questions, and the table showed me the answers. It was amazing! Until it wasn’t.
Trixie asked the usual questions one would ask of such a thing. I saw myself as a filly, entering Celestia’s school for the first time. I saw my first show. I saw myself and Starlight on our first (failed) roadtrip.
I saw Mom, again.
And then, Trixie got greedy. As usual. I asked about the Ursa thing. That time Snips and Snails dragged an Ursa Minor back to Ponyville and almost got everypony hurt.
Trixie asked the table, “What if I’d been braver?”
I threw up. That’s what happened, when I saw what could have happened to me. What did happen, if Starlight’s right about other timelines and other worlds.
There’s a Trixie out there without her horn. Without her magic. And, for a couple of hours, I thought I was that Trixie too.
Luckily, that wasn’t actually the case. When Swirly managed to rummage up some roots and a few wild pears for dinner, though I was tired and aching I reached out to grab one of the cooking pots, and instantly regretted it.
There was a flash of pink fire, as white-hot pain shot through my horn, and down into my stomach. I must have blacked out, because the next thing I knew, I was on my back, by a roaring fire, and the sun had set again.
And then, I cried again. If I’d been totally burned out, I couldn’t have done anything. I couldn’t have felt anything. But, with the pain, I knew that my magic was still there! It was just hiding, for a bit.
Swirly finally explained the full story behind the salve. I think I managed to keep my poker face the whole way through, since he still seems to think I’ve never heard of Deer before, or that I couldn’t recognize Changelings when I heard about them.
Deer stories are what travelers and showponies tell around a campfire whenever we meet and feel like scaring each other.
Oh! But, Journal! Did you know that the Deer were actually Changelings!?
I’m going to pretend I didn’t just lose my mind there.
But, yeah. Holy Horseapples! I gotta tell Thorax when I get back! And maybe check in on Kevin, again.
Seriously Kevin, how did you not think molting would be a dealbreaker for Trixie?
Okay, lot to unpack there. I’m glad Trixie only had to deal with the idea of losing her magic for a little while. I think it’s safe to say that pegasi have a similar phobia about our wings.
Also, that table sounds amazing. You mind if I use it sometime? For science?
Right, Kevin. Changelings have weird names, I’ve noticed. According to what records exist in the Hive, Kevin apparently dated Trixie for almost a year after she helped reform the Changelings. I have a New Jockey police report here that he took her on a date during molting season, she flipped out a bit, and a city block was demolished in the ensuing panic.
They broke up, if you couldn’t tell.
Don’t feel too bad for Kevin, though. He’s now happily married with sixteen foals, or nymphs I guess they’re called, four of which are students at your old School of Friendship.
I couldn’t let on about what I knew, however. Back home, nopony knew about changelings until that one wedding in Canterlot, after all. And, since Trixie has, shall we say, had her fair share of accidental time slip-ups, I decided to make a concentrated effort on this one.
Still, I was over the moon that whole night. Not literally, obviously
Well, not obviously, obviously. I mean, I did move the moon once.
Anyway, I was doing better. That salve had worked a wonder on me. Though, could have done a little better. Trixie still looked like Rainbow Dash that one time she flew into a lightning storm with a copper pot on her head.
All I can get out of Rainbow is that she lost a bet with Pinkie, and told me never to speak of it again.
This was a problem. Presentation is everything, in my line of work. If I can’t cover something up with makeup, or make it part of the act, it’s a liability. So, I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, have always made sure to collect additional clothing and make-up accoutrements for my shows. With said accoutrements being back up-time from me, however, I had to make due.
Trixie took some of the leather that Ribbon Wishes gave me, and I managed to create a set of thin boots, to hide the blackened and scarred remains of my poor hooves. I wasn’t worried about them healing. I’ve been hurt like this before, or close enough. A few weeks of being careful, some minor applications of Rubber Band’s Aide spell every night, some lotion, and I’d be right as rain!
Trixie seems to have a habit of breaking out of hospitals, but she has also sought treatment from them. A lot. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but the number of emergency room visits on her record are quite astounding. Apparently, there’s not an insurance company around that will cover her anymore! She’s currently insured on something called the Ponyville Damages and Emergency Rehabilitation Protocol, which insures the town against natural and unnatural disasters, magical catastrophes, bunny rampages, Rainbooms, Discord, Cutie Mark Crusaders, and something called ‘Derpy helping’.
Applejack added Trixie onto the DERP five years ago as her second official act as Mayor. Banning Flim and Flam from being within a mile of the town apparently took precedent.
That being said, there were still the burns across my flanks and side. And my horn. My poor horn. Those had to be addressed.
Trixie would never claim to be as skilled as Rarity in the fine art of fashion, but I think I did alright for myself. Sure, I needed a bit more of the blue cloth for my forelegs, to give the illusion that my flesh wasn’t totally ruined—
Ahem.
Why did I ‘ahem’ in writing?
Anyway. Ended up with a lovely little stage outfit. Blue cloth and leather for my poor hooves and legs. Gray and white for my barrel, with a flashy bit of red to top the whole thing off! I’d noticed more than a few ponies wearing clothes hereabouts whenabouts, so all this meant was that I was blending in more.
Oh, and my purple hat. Kept that, naturally. The cape would be waiting for my triumphant return, but for now I needed the new outfit’s physical support more than my cape’s hidden stage-pockets.
Especially since I wasn’t about to let Swirly take the reins on the wagon. Those first few days back on the road, he was so pushy. Kept demanding a chance to pull the wagon, no matter how much it clearly dragged him down. He has guts, and grit, I’ll give him that.
Still, I put my hoof down (gently) on the subject. He needed more strength training, more magic training, and he needed to start small. So, it was back to hefting a boulder. I was surprised, actually, how he went right out and hefted up a fat-looking one as soon as I told him to.
He was taking to my training like a fish. In water, I mean. A fish wouldn’t take to a boulder
Right, you get it. Except you’re a book, so
How am I back to being crazy!?
I can’t even begin to tell you, Journal, how happy I was to finally get out of that stupid Everfree forest. The path we were following was rough, and hilly, and the wagon harness pulled at every scratch and cut and crack on me. I was almost tempted to let Swirly have his way and pull the wagon himself, but I could see he was still struggling with that boulder. Admittedly, he was doing about as well as I expected, but the fact that he didn’t complain once convinced me to pull through as well.
It was incredible, stepping out of the thick woods, and onto the top of a hilly green slope. The sun was shining, and the sky was clear. And, most importantly, we were looking at a solid couple miles of downhill walking!
Of course, we’d have to switchback down most of the way, what with the lack of brakes on the wagons around here, but it was the thought that counted! Grey Prancer always said, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth!”
Why do ponies even have that saying?
Celestia, when I asked her, said it was a practical joke that got way, way out of hoof, and refused to elaborate. Luna, who was in the room as well, looked like she was sucking on a lemon, the way she bit her lip and tried not to cry, laughing. After we get this book done, I’m leaning on her for the whole story.
Trixie does wish she’d kept better track of the days, now that I think about it. But one bleeds into the next when you’re on the road.
Oh! Right. That was when we found the road. I thought that my great eyes were playing a powerful trick on me at first, as we came up over a small rise. But, no! There, just a mile away, was an actual, factual, road!
I think my horn might’ve fizzled at the sight.
What struck me about that road was that it wasn’t some dusty path like I’d seen back in Hyneighria. It was paved! Like, with cobblestones and stuff, but paved nonetheless. And it was so straight that I thought it was modern at first.
Though, since I’m back when, isn’t now modern, and when I’m from the future? Whatever.
Actually, now that I think about it, that road might’ve been straighter than the old Turnpike road that normally takes one from New Jockey to Baltimare. Which, if Trixie isn’t mistaken
Trixie is never mistaken. I could tell, right away, that the road was on the precise spot of the future New Jockey Turnpike! How about that?
Good thing I don’t have civic pride, or that’d hurt.
Alas, the relative comfort of driving a shock-absorber-less wagon over a smooth road didn’t last long. For a few hours later, just as we pulled around a tall, wooded hill, Trixie ran straight into the last thing she wanted to see:
A roadblock, guarded by Troggles.
There must have been a dozen of them, a plethora of pernicious porky
Bunch-a-pigs. Anyway, though we were coming around a bend in the road, there was just enough rocky cover on the hillside we were passing, that if I had my full range of cat-like reflexes and movements, we were sure to remain hidden. All I had to do was stop, and pull over.
I’m really trying to be better, Journal, about the “lying” thing. Trixie is a natural embellisher, however. It is her gift, and her curse.
But, yeah. That thing I tried to do didn’t happen. My knees were still in a semi-liquid state from all the damage I’d taken, and all the miles I’d hiked since. So, when I planted my hooves, my legs didn’t get the memo, and I found myself suddenly head over flank a couple of times, like a fifth wheel on the wagon, churning up the gravel with my teeth every time I spun around.
Swirly didn’t exactly help. He lost concentration on his spell, and wound up with his tail pinned by the boulder he’d been carrying. He then pushed the rock off himself, only for it to roll uphill, come back downhill, and almost run us both over again. By that point, I’d gotten twisted up so tight in the harness ropes that they spun the complete other way, somehow pushing the wagon back a few feet, and almost running over him.
The colt wound up face-planting in the little drainage ditch I’d originally wanted to hide in.
Trixie suspects black magic cursed me, and forced such an ingab ign not-cool thing to happen.
And down the road, the Troggles were just yucking it up. Like, full-on rolling across the floor, laughing. Some of them were crying, Journal, they were laughing so hard. Laughing at me, Trixie!
It was too much. If we’d been back in the present my own time, I’d have marched right up there, and given those trotters a piece of Trixie’s mind. I’d ask to see their managers!
But we weren’t in the right time. And I’d seen those Troggles run before. Even with them falling over themselves, there was no way Trixie could outrun them. Not with Swirly and the wagon. Not with my legs the way they were. Heck, just then, I was tangled up like a pony-pretzel!
Oh, Journal, I know it’s skipping ahead, but Gallopoli has the best pretzels Trixie has ever had! Gotta make sure I learn the recipe from these ponies.
No, I needed some other way out of this one.
Once I’d detangled myself and Swirly, we approached the road block. Okay, full disclosure: I approached the road block. Swirly passed out. I really panicked there, seeing him just collapse onto the road. But, luckily, it was just the inconsolable stress of seeing the creatures who destroyed his life
That sounded better before I wrote it out. I’m sorry.
Anyway. The Troggles were still busting their collective guts over my impromptu slapstick adventure, so I had time to quickly haul Swirly back up into the wagon and set him in a hammock. Kid needed a break anyway.
So, all on my lonesome, the Great and Powerful Trixie strode forth, to match my wits and skill against the monstrous Troggle threat! The roadblock was a big, complicated affair, with all sorts of wooden walks and towers around the road to catch anypony trying to get past this point. The Troggles were mostly congregated about the gate they’d set up to catch us, but there were still a few milling around that Trixie could see.
Just like last time, the Troggles were huge compared to the Svelte and Athletic Trixie, like one of those pigs Applejack raises for truffle hunting, but like a hundred times bigger! And with tusks. And covered in this grungy armor. I know Tempest and those stupid Storm guys were evil jerks, but at least their armor was aesthetic!
Tempest got better. By the way. Not saying she’s still evil or anything. Especially not if she sees this and thinks I insulted her.
Tempest Shadow scares me, Journal. She just does.
I actually fought Tempest, once or twice. This was before the invasion, of course. I can confirm just how scary she is, so Trixie’s not off the mark here. We clashed over a legendary alchemist’s stone-form formula in the ruins of Neighpoline Crypts, raced each other to find the Lost Treasure of Montezooma, briefly fought together against Ahuizotl when he captured and body-swapped us using the Amulet of Twin Tigers, and we even crossed paths while looking for the Alicorn Amulet in Hoofington. That last one ended early when the town got overrun by Ursas. Weird day.
I wish I could have published those books, but the Equestrian Censorship Board blocked their publication on national security grounds. Never could figure that out, either. Did Celestia block my books because she had a reason to keep Equestrians blind to the Storm King’s threat? Or, knowing what I know now, did she foresee how things would pan out, and my books could have led to disaster?
Freaking Alicorns, I swear.
Sorry.
Right, so the lead Troggle wasn’t any bigger than the others. He just had a much nicer hat. Or helmet, I guess. It had its own tusks sticking out the side, and some feather plumes, and the whole thing was polkadotted.
Yeah. I’m just as confused as you are, Journal.
“What is your name?” the Captain asked me.
“Why do I need to tell you? This is a free country!”
Trixie only just realized how stupid that sounded when the other Troggles started pulling out their tusk-mounted axes and swords and hammers. Tactfully, I changed gears like a pro.
“What I meant to say is, my name’s…”
I didn’t freeze up, just so you know. Trixie Lulamoon does not freeze up! I just took a moment to sell my fake fear to those piggy-wiggies so they’d buy that we were merely travelers, and not actually the Great and Powerful Myself.
“… Twilight Sparkle.”
Well. This should be good. I wonder if I need to start keeping a counter for every time she insults you?
The Captain grunted, and turned to one of his associates. Said associate reached into a satchel, and pulled out a piece of paper. Trixie couldn’t see what was on it, from where I stood, but I felt a shudder run through me, all the same.
The paper was stuck to the Troggle’s tusk, as he held it out for his boss to see. The Captain looked at the paper, and then at me. Back to the paper. Back to me.
“Huh,” he said, scratching at his big dumb head, “You look like Trixie Lulamoon.”
“Oh?” I asked, innocently, “Who’s that?”
“You, I guess,” he grunted, then turned to his friends and said, “Get the irons. We got her…”
“Now hold the phone!” Trixie called out in her most magnificent manner, “You good gentleswines seem to have me, the Smart and Purple Twilight Sparkle, confused for somepony else. This… Twiksy, was it?”
One Troggle, the one with the picture, frowned at this, and said, “But… you not purple?”
“Well,” I said, “I guess I’m not all that smart. Now, who’s this Trixie pony? And why do you think I’m her?”
The Troggles shared a few looks with each other. I could see confusion already taking root.
The Captain grunted, and said, “Uh, she’s some powerful Wizard, or something. Caused trouble, you know? And, uh, you look exactly like her.”
His subordinate held out the poster, so Trixie could get a good look at it. Gotta say, despite these creatures not having photographs, it was an impressive likeness! Whoever drew the original captured my air of mystique perfectly!
“Well,” I said, tapping the poster, “There’s your problem!”
The Captain reached over me, and looked at the poster himself, though upside down.
“Uh, you sure? Where? What?”
Trixie almost laughed at the situation. At the sheer genius that she was displaying. But I held it in. Best not to give the act away.
“Why… for one thing, this mare, this Trixie, is far more beautiful than I, Twilight Sparkle, could ever hope to be! Just look at those mysterious eyes!”
“Um… okay?”
“That stylish mane!”
“Like yours?”
“And look at that body!”
“Trixie?”
“Yes?”
I paused. Then, I ran the last five seconds back through my head. The Captain and his Troggles frowned, and I could see one of them hefting up some iron hoofcuffs just for me.
But I couldn’t let it end like that! So, I said the first thing that came into my head next.
“… is what I would say, if I were this Trixie pony. Which I’m not!”
“You clearly are,” the Captain groaned, one hoof pressing against his temple.
“But…” I wracked my brain, looking for a way out. Any way out.
And then, it came to me.
“Look,” I said, “This Trixie is supposed to be a Great and Powerful Wizard, right?”
The Troggles all nodded as one.
I waved one forehoof dramatically, and asked, “And Grogar is the most powerful creature ever, right?”
Again, they nodded along, though slower than before.
“Well, then there you have it!” I declared, triumphant, “If this Trixie is such a powerful, skilled, and sexy Wizard, enough to where your Grogar is sending you after her, then why would she try walking past you swine as herself?”
They were silent. Many of their eyes widened, perhaps at the realization. But most joined their Captain in pressing a firm hoof to their temples and snout-bridges, like a headache was suddenly passing through their number.
“See,” I went on, “If I were Trixie, I would have disguised myself better than that! Or, she might teleport around your roadblock. Or she could just be invisible!”
“Ah crap,” one of the Troggles in the back whined, “Can she do that!?”
Trixie smirked. It felt right.
“Is there any doubt? Or does the word ‘Wizard’ mean something different around here?”
“She could be all around us!” another Troggle cried out, “I heard somepig say that Wizards can be in two places at once!”
A third joined in, “Maybe we should get Lady Rhapsody to help comb the forest? We could use a Siren around if Trixie moves the moon again…”
I came so, so close to biting my tongue off just then, you don’t even know.
Yet another fun fact I learned after talking to the hoomans from across the Mirror: The darker-themed version of you (seriously, why do you get two hoomans?) introduced me to a group of sisters. I guess you’ve faced the Sirens before? They seemed to remember you.
Yes, the Sirens. The Terrible Trio one-point-oh. Ancient musical monsters that nearly tore early Equestria apart with their envy and jealousy-inducing songs. Starswirl and the other Pillars came together in order to drive them off into a portal to a null-magic dimension. Which secured the safety of our young nation for almost a generation, and apparently helped your hooman-dimension counterpart get a marefriend. Congrats.
All three ‘Dazzlings’, by the way, were condescending narcissists who preferred to jerk me around instead of answer any of my questions about Trixie. The best I could wring out of them was that their mother might have been a Siren named Rhapsody, the very first of Grogar’s minions, forged in something called the Forge of Forte using something called the Songflame. It sounded very dramatic, despite them saying it in an extremely sarcastic manner.
They also said that Sonata once dated Discord, but I think they were pulling my hoof.
“Nah, you idiots!” a fourth shouted, “I talked ta Muddy yesterday. And he says there isn’t such a thing as a moon! It’s all hot gases and pony conspiracies!”
And just like that, every Troggle there was screaming their head off about this and that. It was wonderful to watch. Now, I thought, I just needed enough of them to drift away from the road, and I could make a break for it.
“SHUT UP!” the voice of their Captain ripped through the air like one of my famous fireworks. He was absolutely livid. Like, Rainbow Dash levels of mad whenever—
Huh. Rainbow Dash is always mad whenever I see her. Weird.
Anyway, he was boiling mad, so much so that he started kneading his head with both hooves. Remarkable how something so fat could stand on two legs.
“Eugh,” he sighed, “I hate thinking… I wish I was back home, eating mud…”
All the Troggles looked down, when they heard that, like they’d all been reminded about a dead pet. But I didn’t have time to wonder about it, since the Captain turned, and gave another order.
“Ask the Prince to bring the Truth Bell.”
“The… Truth Bell?” I asked. The tone the Captain had taken was low, and quiet, and cold. I’ve been stopped for traffic violations enough to know that when the creature giving you a ticket sounds scared, there’s something bad going down.
I didn’t wait long to find out, either. From somewhere amid the Troggle tents and campsite just behind the wooden walls and barricades, something was approaching. And as it did, these pigs started parting for it.
From where Trixie was, it looked like a giant silver bell, held up in a thin aura of whitish magic. I don’t know what I was expecting, but Trixie couldn’t have been prepared for it.
Carrying the bell in his magic aura was a tiny, adorable, grey-furred little ram with a tuft of black mane and a pair of tiny horns on his head. He couldn’t have been older than the Cutie Mark Crusaders, if that! And yet, I noticed he was wearing a bright red collar around his thin neck that didn’t look at all comfortable. More like a leash than a collar, really.
Okay. I also noticed something else about him. His eyes practically bored into Trixie’s soul! I’ll admit, I didn’t know too many sheep, back when I came from, but I can’t imagine yellow eyes with those beady red irises are a common thing with them. And these ones felt familiar.
Stupidly familiar.
“The Prince?” I asked again, and got no answer. The Prince approached us with a cheeky smile on his face. I reflexively started checking the ground for whoopee cushions.
Should have known then. Really obvious in hindsight.
“Captain Trotter?” he asked. Seriously, no colt or whatever a young ram is called should ever sound like he did. Smug, oily, and the only one in on a bad joke, all at once.
“Need a truth check for this one,” the Captain, Trotter I guess, told the Prince, “She’s suspicious, and I’m tired of thinking today.”
Prince rolled his eyes at that, and sighed. “Oh Captain. I’ll apologize on my father’s behalf for being kind enough to give you a brain, and nasty enough to give you that brain. But, suspicious?”
“Yeah!” one of the other Troggles called out, “If she were a wizard, she’d look less like a wizard! That’s just common sense!”
The Prince stared at the one who spoke with a bushy white eyebrow raised. But he didn’t seem to dwell on that for long. The ram-colt turned back, and pointed a hoof at me.
“But… that’s just her. That’s literally the one from the poster. How have you idiots not arrested her yet?”
“Well, I thought so too,” the Captain shrugged, “But now I’m not so sure. She made a lot of good points.”
“Good points!?” the Prince snorted, and shook his head, “The only point around here is on top of your empty heads!”
There was something about that kid that bugged me. Maybe it was just that I could tell I wasn’t fooling him – nopony likes a heckler or having to deal with a jerk who knows where you’ve stashed the mirrors – but there was something strangely familiar about the slack-jawed stare he gave Trotter just then. I’d seen it before, but I couldn’t quite place it yet.
Not yet. Soon though.
“Whatever,” the Prince sighed, and looked to the sky like it would help him out, “Let’s get this over with.”
He smiled at me. No, that little creep grinned at Trixie.
“Trixie!” he laughed, “Or Not-Trixie, I guess we’ll find that out soon enough. Have you ever seen a Truth Bell before?”
He reached up and tapped the bell as he said this. It let out a light – though off – pinging sort of sound that hung in the air. I’d never heard a bell sound like it needed tuning, but this was proving to be a day for firsts.
Trixie rolled her eyes, and I started saying that, of course I did! How could one ever doubt the Great and Powerful Trixie? You know I was going to say Twilight Sparkle.
But, I didn’t. As I went to tell the little creep that I, in fact, knew what his silly bell-thing was, I found out the hard way what was going on. I think the only reason I didn’t scream was because, compared to ripping the sun and moon out of the heavens, this wasn’t sooo bad.
Okay, it sucked. But Trixie was tough. It still sounded, and felt, like my ribs cracked when I tried to embellish my wealth of knowledge, however. My tongue twisted itself up too, but the rib thing was a bit more important.
“Didn’t like that, did you?” the Prince smirked with his stupid, smirking jerk face. He looked down at me from where the bell’s magic had left Trixie sprawled and aching in the dirt.
“What was that?” I asked, through pained breath.
“A little trick my dad figured out,” he said, before flicking the bell again, and letting it peel out its dissonant note.
So, I talked with Grogar. Wouldn’t recommend that to anypony looking for the insight. It’s like talking to a demon. An actual, literal demon. Sure, a demon that Pinkie Pie bound to her kitchen (seriously, his devil food cakes are outstanding), but a demon nonetheless. Ancient and wrathful.
And bored, apparently. I ask one question, and he talks my ears off for two hours! I think the guy’s just lonely and wants to talk to more ponies. Let them know how evil he used to be. It’s kinda creepy, considering all the stuff he caused, all the stuff I’m reading about here. Like, this is the creature who killed Starswirl’s family, but he’s just this fuzzy old idiot who manages his garden, loves his grandfoals, and cheats on his taxes like everypony else does.
Anyway. According to Grogar, Magic and Music are one and the same. He calls it “Divine Synesthesia”, and said that he actually got the idea in the first place from watching a pony Heartsong. You know? That thing we all do once in a while where a whole town suddenly breaks into a spontaneous song and dance number? Everycreature knows that’s because of magic and emotional overflow, but I guess it’s all connected to some Grand Unifying Musical Thing, as he put it.
So, Grogar’s empire was based on Disharmony. Like, the literal bastardization of harmony, song, melody, magic, and even harmony like with relationships. It all fueled his dark magic and allowed him to alter reality basically on a whim. He built bells that could erase whole towns from existence. He had chimes and cymbals that could change the way ponies thought.
He once sang a song that altered his own soul. I guess that’s how he’s still alive, millennia later. The echoes of his magic are still going on. And a bell to painfully disrupt lies? Seems about as plausible as a bell that can steal magic, right?
“All lies perish that are spoken in the presence of this Truth Bell. Captain?” the Prince asked while the ringing went on, “How do you feel about my father, really?”
I held my breath. Now, that was an interesting (if horrible) thing to ask. I had this kid’s number now, and I knew he knew the real answer to that question before he asked it.
Trotter flinched.
“Oh, come on, Trotter,” the Prince laughed, “Do you enjoy working for Grogar?”
The Captain flinched again. This time, his mouth began to split open, and it only took Trixie a moment to realize none of the other Troggles were looking at him.
I knew that look from personal experience. That was the look somepony gave you when they thought you were just hurting yourself for nothing but didn’t want to insult you by saying anything. A lot of my personal assistants Starlight usually gave me that not-look whenever I needed to practice a new trick for the act.
“Yes,” Trotter managed to squeeze out of himself, if just barely. One tusk actually fell out, and I think he started bleeding out his nose. His breathing was awful too. The poor guy looked like death, warmed over.
“Wonderful,” the Prince said without changing his tone from that smarmy, laughing chickenpoop grin he was sporting. But then, he reached out his hoof, and stopped the bell’s ringing.
Once the vibrations had ended, the Prince took a moment to square himself with the much, much larger ram.
“Now?” was all he said. He raised one eyebrow, and I swear his smile was just getting worse, somehow.
The big boar looked at him. Then, at the bell. He glanced at Trixie as well, but probably just to make sure I hadn’t run off with my broken rib cage.
Satisfied, if a little woozy, Trotter looked back to the Prince, and said, “I… hate you both more than words can convey.”
The Prince nodded, and grinned like he’d proven something. You know; besides the fact that he was a piece of work.
“Now,” he said, whacking the bell again with his hoof, and looked at me, “Are you, or are you not, Trixie Lulamoon, the Great and Powerful Wizard?”
Well. This was it, Journal. The Rock and the Hard Place. Making a complete mess of a Trixie sandwich.
Dangit. Now I’m hungry. Hang on a sec, Journal.
She actually left a little extra space here. Trixie is a very silly pony somedays.
Trixie
I don’t know how to say this. I know that Trixie is absolutely amazing at hiding her own insecurities, of which there are vanishingly few, for she
I am a fraud. Sure, it’s a part of my act, but that’s the point. It’s all a lie. Trixie isn’t great and powerful, like I try to tell everypony. I’m a stage magician. A con mare, at my lowest point. I am not what other ponies think I am.
I am not a wizard.
And that was the key. As I stood there, scrubbing through my brain looking for an answer, I realized that, uncomfortable realization or not, that little ram had given me an out.
“Nope,” I said, completely honestly.
The Prince stared at Trixie a moment. Then, he looked back at the bell, still ringing. He didn’t wait for it to stop, either, instead hitting it again with his hoof.
“Come again?” he asked, barely oddible heard above the bell, “You’re saying that you’re not Trixie?”
“I am not the Great and Powerful Wizard, Trixie,” I admitted, “I’m a showmare.”
He blinked a few times, rapidly, and frowned. “But… But you are,” he insisted, “Your face is on wanted posters. Father had a crystal ball made just to find out who you were after the sun and moon..."
Captain Trotter coughed, a ragged sort of one, and shrugged.
“Well, the bell says otherwise. So…” He nodded to his troops, who started shuffling off to leave my wagon some space to move. “I guess you are free to go.”
I couldn’t resist shooting that Prince a little smirk, I’ll admit.
“I guess I am,” I said.
The Prince swung his head back and forth, from me and the wagon to the bell still floating in his magic. His bushy eyebrows quirked and scuttled and twisted up across his face as his tiny little mind started trying, desperately, to make sense of his failure to catch me.
He’d asked me if I was the Wizard, after all. Never try to argue technicalities with Trixie, Journal. I went undefeated in CSGU’s debate competitions.
Records show that Trixie only ever took part in one debate while attending Celestia’s School. When asked what her position on a topic was, she instead insisted that the “court” was out of order, that ice cream was an inalienable right, and then incited her fellow students (and two teachers) to riot.
Technically, the School’s Student Bill of Rights still allows for free ice cream parties once a semester, a concession Celestia made in order to save the hostages. Cake was added later, by royal decree.
I take it back. Celestia is the silly pony here.
However, as I tried to leave, the Prince’s face did something weird. I couldn’t be sure at first, but Trixie thinks he started smiling when I left.
I shrugged it off, of course. If he really suspected something was up, surely, he’d have ordered his Troggles to arrest me, right?
And, in any case, I sort of didn’t think that these Troggles were so bad. I mean, sure, they may have been the brutal enforcers of a tyrannical regime dedicated to death, mayhem, and disharmony, but they were pretty polite about it with me.
I just won’t bring it up with Swirly. I don’t think he’d understand.
Once we’d cleared the encampment, and pulled around the next bend in the road, Trixie felt a huge weight fall from her shoulders. That, right there? Was too close!
But, as it turned out, that wasn’t the only weight involved. Trixie has been hauling wagons since she was a little filly. I know my way around harnesses and weight-distributive mechanics. And there was suddenly something wrong with the weight of the wagon.
It was too heavy.
“Can Tr… Twilight help you?” I asked. I looked back over my shoulder, and spotted the problem right away.
The Prince was lounging on top of my wagon roof.
“No, not at the moment,” he hummed, and idly scratched at his tiny white beard.
“Then buzz off!” I stated in a calm, non-pushy tone, “My act is a Duo, these days, and my partner’s just sleeping off having the wagon land on him.”
The Prince chuckled, and my heart started sinking.
I knew that laugh. I couldn’t quite place it, but I knew it. Maybe I just didn’t want to admit to knowing whose laugh it was, but the connection didn’t connect just then.
“Nice performance, by the way,” the Prince grinned, revealing a set of pointed teeth, with a single, long yellow fang growing larger than the rest, “Got me on a technicality. And the lie before then…?”
He chef-kissed his hoof with a loud, sucking pop.
“Magnificent work! I bet you could talk your way into anything with that troublesome little brain of yours!”
“My brain is none of your concern!” I jabbed a hoof his way, and wished silently that he’d just take off already. “Also, I didn’t lie.”
“Of course, you did,” he shook his head and started (I know this sounds crazy) floating up and away from the wagon. As he drifted through the air, he sort of cork-screwed back towards Trixie, and said, “What a wonderful use of Creative Truths! A wizard shouldn’t look like a wizard? Genius!”
Trixie was getting irritated. “So, you heard that part?”
“Of course, I did,” he said, blowing a raspberry as he landed in front of me, “I see and hear most things. A lot more than creatures seem to realize.
“And I know that it was you that moved the sun and moon around,” he said, winking at me in a way that told Trixie that this Prince hadn't ever seen somepony wink before, “Inspired! I should really look into how you did that. Won’t be too long before my father catches you, and I need some fun in the meantime.”
“If…” I said, that nagging feeling of knowing the Prince tugging at Trixie’s brain, “If you knew I was lying, then why play along?”
“Because you reveal yourself best in how you play,” he said, laughing, “And it’d be far more fun to watch you run around causing all sorts of mischief and Chaos than stop you!”
Chaos. That was it.
“DISCORD!?” Trixie screamed, involuntarily.
“Ideally,” was all he said to my outburst, “Though Chaos has such a nice ring to it…”
I wasn’t thinking clearly, in the moment. I unhitched myself instantly, and was at his throat, both hooves wrapped around his skinny shoulders.
“Discord! What are you doing here!?”
He looked back at me, probably confused more than anything else. “What? Who?”
“You! You stupid Draconequus!” Trixie cried in frustration, “How did you find me!?”
“Uh,” he managed to say before I interrupted him again.
It’s not Trixie’s fault she’s so assertive.
“Whatever! Did Starlight ask you to find me? GET ME BACK TO THE FUTURE!”
In Trixie’s defense, I then added, “And get the kid to his family. But then, GET ME HOME!!!”
“Draconequus?” Discord asked, eyes flailing to either side like he didn’t know what was going on (which, I guess he didn’t), “Future? Starlight? What!?”
“Stop playing games!” I cried again, “Just, like, snap your fingers and get us out of here! I’m tired of almost dying all the time and causing parrot-oxes!”
“Paradoxes,” Discord corrected
“Whatever!”
Trixie felt a pull, just then. Like an invisible claw gripped me around the middle, and yanked me off of that arrogant little jerk. I floated in the air, helpless, but belligerent!
“Put me down!” I shouted, but it didn’t look like Discord was paying me any attention. Instead, he was idly looking at one of his hooves. After a few more minutes of fruitless struggling, I gave up and just glared at him.
Discord muttered something to himself. All I could make out was the word ‘finger’, however.
And then, something awful happened. Discord started concentrating on his hoof, and that weirdly white magic of his began to glow around it. A rumbling sound built around us, and for a second, Trixie thought he was about to explode!
Instead, his hoof popped. And sitting there, on the end of his foreleg, was now a much, much more familiar set of talons.
Discord chuckled to himself, and reached up with his talon.
“Oh yes!” he laughed, “This will make things so much more exciting!”
He snapped his talons, and a bunch of paddleballs flashed into existence. Each one started playing on their own, bouncing about with strange and not-normal noises. One sounded like an armpit fart, and another like a kazoo!
It was then, dear Journal, that Trixie realized something.
“I did it again, didn’t I?” I asked nopony but myself, “A pair-of-fox!”
“Paradox,” said Discord, drifting back up to me, “And, yes. Yes, you did.”
I covered my eyes with my hooves, and tried to breathe. This was, I thought at the time, really bad.
“Trixie doesn’t suppose you could forget about all the time-travel stuff?” she asked, hopefully.
Discord smiled at that. Like a snake. But then, he surprised me as well. I dropped back to the ground without a sound, and landed safely due to my cat-like reflexes.
I looked back up at Discord as he drifted up and away.
“We will be watching your career with great interest,” he laughed, “Great interest indeed!”
Luster Dawn had not felt this excited, or happy, in a long while. As she raced down the halls and corridors of the Canterlot Palace, it took every ounce of her willpower not to stop to jump for joy or shout out the news to any who might hear it.
They’d done it. They’d cracked the code.
Well, they’d managed to answer the first mystery, at least. She, her school-friend Abacus Cinch, as well as Sunset Shimmer and two Mirror Universe versions of her teacher, had been assigned to the Trixie Case only a few days before, and they’d already made a breakthrough!
Trixie’s lungs were damaged, yes. But they’d also been suffused with a particular sort of magic over a long, long period of time.
The guards pointed her to the royal apartments, where the Princess was apparently still reading the latest report from AK Yearling.
“Princess Twilight!” she called out as she slammed open the large purple door to her teacher’s private rooms, “You’ll never guess what we discovered! Someone has been using Chaos magic to…”
Luster paused as she took in the sight of the Princess. Twilight's face was twisted into a terrifying scowl, and her whole body contorted in impossible ways. As if she were in excruciating pain!
Then, Princess Twilight straightened out, reared her entire neck and head back, and let loose the most chilling, earth-shattering cry of fury, pain, and confusion Luster had ever heard before.
DISCORD!!!!!
“Ah,” Luster sighed the sigh of an academic beaten to the punch, “You already figured it out…”
He looks so innocent, right?
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Write more horse words so I can bulk read this!
I know he's troublesome Twilight, but you don't have to howl it to the moon XD
10581358
That's the plan!
10581476
How else will he learn?
I actually want to hear the rest of that story now.
I'd believe it. Trixie's probably the one pony alive who could break the whole concept of insurance without even trying to.
I'm surprised she had the restraint to keep it to just a mile.
How do you know you ever stopped?
...well, she nearly pulled it off.
True or not, I could see her trying, if just because.
Oh, no no no no no no no no--it couldn't be!
BUT IT IS!
(I mean, in retrospect, I suppose I should've known, but still...)
Go figure.
Oh, you can bet he's not forgetting this anytime soon...
Dang it, Trixie--is there anything you HAVEN'T had a hoof in effectively creating/causing?
What am I saying? Of course there isn't. I should just default to that assumption henceforth now. Especially now that I've jinxed myself by asking.
Coming from him, that's never reassuring.
Case in point.
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Just so long as she doesn't start sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon, I think it'll all work out.
So, Grogar, "the Father of All Monsters" isn't just a clever title it seems.
Oh that is a paradox all right. A mighty paradox indeed.
Wait, it's because of Discord Trixie is sick? And how dis she created Discord by telling his previous self about himself?
Once again there is so much to pick at in the chapter that I will go over it again tomorrow. But once again I must say Trixie doing incredible feat of magic, surviving, using her wit to survive and creating little time kerfuffle and paradox while being responsible for like, 70% of the ancient world major events and introducing concepts a 1000 years in advance... all that Chaos is simply sublime.
How is she not an Alicorn having realized all of those feats?
Oh and it's great to see Trixie wear the outfit from the cover image! It look good on her even if it's to hide how horribly wounded she is.
Which invites the question about what, if anything, earth ponies may fear in the same way.
And that's coming from a mare whose wings are fifteen percent scar tissue by mass.
Look, Derpy helping can go well. You just have to make sure she runs her ideas by somepony else first.
To be fair, I doubt that ancient road has to account for as many exits and sheer volume of traffic as the Turnpike.
Interesting. Seems the Troggles aren't necessarily here by choice...
Okay, I'm stealing that for a bard lich in D&D.
Yeah, Trixie and truth magic get along like milk and orange juice. Though the bit with the Troggle captain invites a number of questions.
I suspected the identity of the Prince, but it's still fascinating to see him at such a young age.
Wait, Abacus Cinch is one of Luster's classmates? How does that timeline work out?
In any case, fascinating developments at all ends of history. Looking forward to more.
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Honestly, my favorite bit to write in the whole chapter.
10581630
"I gave life to the foulest of creatures and allowed them to run wild, taking what they wanted and destroying the rest. My reign was a glorious, fear-soaked epoch of darkness in Equestria..."
10581868
Someone requested it way back when, and I am nothing if not slavishly loyal to my readers.
10582153
Only thing I can think of would be their hooves, but that's kind of a universal thing. Like how stabbing a vampire in the heart kills it. That happens to be a somewhat understandable weakness.
In a few instances, ages between Equestria and Humeria (Humanistan? Humanopolis? Mirror World.) seem to be somewhat fluid. Mostly this is evidenced by Celestia only being, like, 35 or something as opposed to over a thousand years old. And, as was seen briefly during Anarchy, Abacus was much, much younger in Equestria, allowing Twilight to get to her early and mold the unicorn into a far better mare than her human counterpart ended up being.
I have the idea to write a rugrats-style story with Abacus, Luster, Celeste, Flurry Heart, and a few others growing up together. Whenever I have the time.
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If we get to see more of the Anarchy-Verse, a Rugrats story with Flurry, Luster, Abacus, etc. would be a really cool idea.
So now Discord enters the story. It’ll be interesting to see the roll he plays in both time periods.
It’s clear he has something to do with Trixie being on death’s door in the Present, but if he’s playing a roll in the Past storyline we’ll be able to get more insight into his early years and relationship with his father. Sure, he alluded to it in “Anarchy,” but to see it happen (through Trixie’s perspective) would be cool.
10582584
The EqG age differences I usually think of is that Cheerilee is old enough to be a teacher but Big Mac appears to still be a student, and Apple Bloom and Big Mac can't be much different in age because they go to the same school.
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There's that as well. Either way, it lends credence to the idea that there's not a perfect 1-to-1 between worlds. Which might show up very, very soon in the Midnight series...
Never take a bet with Pinkie!
Uuuuuh ❤️
10582153
Nothing because they're in a constant state of denial about how much they envy the other two tribes?
I love how Ponyville's emergency relief fund is called the DERP and specifically covers damage caused by Derpy. I'm guessing Applejack or one of her friends insisted on one being made after she was unable to win the funds needed to fix the clock tower Derpy broke.
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In any other circumstance, you'd probably be right. Though... I suspect there's more to this "Alicorn Spell" than we've yet seen...
10613620
Derpy's helpfulness got so out of hoof that it convinced Applejack --- my God, Applejack --- to increase taxes!!
Trixie seems to have a habit of breaking out of hospitals, but she has also sought treatment from them. A lot. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but the number of emergency room visits on her record are quite astounding. Apparently, there’s not an insurance company around that will cover her anymore! She’s currently insured on something called the Ponyville Damages and Emergency Rehabilitation Protocol, which insures the town against natural and unnatural disasters, magical catastrophes, bunny rampages, Rainbooms, Discord, Cutie Mark Crusaders, and something called ‘Derpy helping’.
Applejack added Trixie onto the DERP five years ago as her second official act as Mayor. Banning Flim and Flam from being within a mile of the town apparently took precedent.
Dang I mean the Cutie Mark Crusaders can be very Reckless but they're not that dangerous they're just kids right? 😅 and of course Discord because you know God of Chaos and you can't really blame derpy she really doesn't know what went wrong and it's a good thing that flim-and-flam should not come back after what they did
Oh brother those two really need to talk to each other about this whole silly rivalry
Oh my God Trixie lol you are so mean
Chaos. That was it.
“DISCORD!?” Trixie screamed, involuntarily.
“Ideally,” was all he said to my outburst, “Though Chaos has such a nice ring to it…
Yup I know it gosh darn it what it is a very interesting Theory and actually makes sense if grogar is the father of all monsters I'm sure he created Discord with his magic
Ok wow so it looks like Trixie starting to recover after that magical surge in her body so they kept going through the woods hopefully to the road which theu did buy unfortunately they were stopped by Troggle and it looks like they're looking for Trixie which she has to pretend to be a somebody else and she's pretty good at lying but an unknown creature which I know who that is use the bell of Truth and it took a lot of power for Trixie to resist the truth serum of the bell but it looks like she did it it looks like they continue on finding her but unfortunately this Prince is not fooled and of course Trixie kinda spoiled and blab about being the god of chaos all this stuff and his name is Discord which that was a bad move but maybe this one would not blab to his dad maybe I don't know meanwhile in the future present whatever you want to call it because I'm kind of confused it looks like they finally found out what the cause of Trixie's illness and apparently Discord has a lot of explaining to do