The Little Curiosities

by Comma Typer

Quibble's Trifecta

“That vegetarian Canterlot plague again, huh?” Quibble asks Clear Sky as his fingers grab the burgers from the cashier.

“It is trending, after all,” she replies beside him, followed by her freshman daughter Wind Sprint. Passing by long lines of people standing around, they get a table in the fast food chain and unwrap the burgers from their covers. “Still no other symptoms other than the rare craving for hay.”

Wind Sprint stares at her meaty pulled-pork burger. “Do you think it’s magic?”

Quibble laughs at the idea and sips on soda. “Of course, not! What makes you say that?”

The teen arches a brow. “Like the rumors of Gaea Everfree being real in Camp Everfree? Or the Rainbooms’ music videos where they pony up? Or the time someone leaked footage of the Rainbooms’ concert versus the Sirens? Or what about multiple amateur videos on TackTube where they film their concerts and they keep ponying up? Or footage of a giant woman rampaging through Canterlot Mall? Or even—”

“You’ve watched way too much Z-Papers or Professor How! It’s either unsubstantiated rumors or top-notch special effects. Haven’t you seen what deepfakes can do these days? I mean, wow, but enough talking. Let’s eat, eh?”

He takes a bite.

And politely spits onto some tissue paper. Clear Sky and Wind Sprint spit more discreetly, wiping their tongue off their disgusting meal.

“What? They’re already putting worms in the burgers already?” and he scratches his head. “This is a new low. Though the lettuce tasted a lot better than last time, I’ll give them that.”

And Wind Sprint’s eyes go wide open. “Wait. That’s exactly the symptoms of the—“

“—Canterlot Plague, I know.” Rolls his eyes. “Seriously, with how sneaky it is and how many tourists go through this fine city of Mareami, I was wondering when we’d finally get this over with.” He chews on the burger’s delicious lettuce as other customers complain about the burgers to the staff. “At least we’re not dealing with measles. Uh, Clear Sky, what’s gotten you glued to your phone?“

“Look at this.”

She turns the screen around for Quibble to see the short MyStable video set in Canterlot. A bright light engulfs a local and disappears, leaving him as a pony with wings and all.

It elicits a groan from the man. “Really? They don’t call Downtown Canterlot Silicon Fields for nothing. That’s some really good CGI... and the physics of that pegasus won’t fly at all. The wings are too small to carry a creature that heavy.”

But Wind Sprint gasps, her face against the screen. “Unless it’s magic!”

“Okay, Wind, enough of magic this and magic that. So you have a bunch of weird rumors ‘substantiated’ by social media. It’s called urban legends. Be lucky that—“

His phone dings and he takes a look at it. A news notification: Unknown magic transformations happening worldwide.

Quibble taps on the news item and skims the article: rough pictures and footage of humans turning into magic pastel ponies and other fantasy creatures across the world. Already, he hears hubbub from the other tables about the same headlines.

Clear Sky looks up to Quibble with a loud gulp, half-standing up from her chair. “Uh, honey? I think we should get somewhere safe. Just in case.”

Quibble snorts eerily like a horse. “The news are pretty desperate for views if they’re hiring amateur TackTube green screen artists. I know a couple of guys who can photoshop this stuff in an hour. These guys are just hopping on the Canterlot plague—turns its patients into vegetarians, so of course it turns them into magic ponies, like that’s a logical progression. By the next forty-eight hours, we’ll hear that it’s some inside job or an internet troll and the world’s back to normal.”

A screaming pegasus crashes into the building across the street.

Quibble sighs as customers stand up and hurry out the restaurant. “Ugh. Sheeple. What else do you expect when everyone’s just eating up the news without checking their sources?”

“You just saw a real-life pegasus outside!” yells Wind Sprint, panicked.

“The pegasus, again, can’t fly with small wings like that. That’s pretty much an animatronic we just saw. Shows they’re very dedicated to the prank, just shooting it through the window like that. Must have a very prestigious degree in robotics and some good lawyers so they won’t get sued for defenestration—“

“Quibble, your ears!”

“Clear, I know we’re probably halfway to freaking out, but this is hysterical. What are ya’ gonna tell me? That I just grew pony ears?

And he touches the now-empty sides of his head. Slowly moves his hand up to find his ears on the top instead. Triangular ears too. And they move.

It only gets a laugh from him, “Alright, nice try, but just putting a battery-powered headband on me while I wasn’t looking won’t scare me. The moving ears are a nice touch: that’s dedication! Now I’ll just get them off and—“

Fails to get them off. Tugs at his skin and head instead.

And Quibble’s eyes shrink. “Wait. It’s real?!”

Then he glows in white-hot magic.

---

Days after the Change

Clear Sky busies herself with cooking breakfast the unicorn way: flipping pancakes and sunny-side up eggs with a pan held by her magic grip. When it’s done, she hums on the way to the table where a happy Wind Sprint and a confused Quibble Pants sit together.

The teen buzzes her little wings like an insect. “I can’t believe I’m already getting flight classes! Flying on an airplane was cool, but flying on my own is so much better!”

Quibble beholds the family he’s gotten himself into: a lovely unicorn wife with her high-energy pegasus daughter. And he’s an Earth pony with the strength, endurance, and magic of one too.

When his plate of pancakes and eggs levitates its way to the table, he gives Clear a knowing look. “Honey, I think we need to talk.”

Wind Sprint blinks, her buzzing wings screeching to a halt. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, dear,” says Clear Sky as Quibble stands up. “Go eat your pancakes, sweetheart. Q and I will be back in a minute.”

The two adults trot far enough from the table. Clear snaps a concerned look at him. “What is it?”

Quibble rubs a hoof across his mane. “I just… well, do you get that feeling when it feels like the whole world just turned upside down?”

She purses her lips. “We’re far from the only ones.”

“Sure, but look at this world now! The magic, the creatures, the pegasi, the unicorns, the dragons, the portals, the artifacts… and me! I’m a talking pony with a striped grayscale rainbow for a mane and tail! You’re a pink unicorn and Wind Sprint’s a pegasus! Her wings are too small to carry her and yet they do because of magic!”

Clear Sky sighs, a comforting hoof on him. “And where’re you going with this?”

“I… just don’t know at this point. The world made sense back on Monday, but now, I understand nothing. Physics don’t work the same. Science doesn’t work the same. Rationality doesn’t work the same.”

Clear Sky musters up a smile straight from their dating days. “But at least you have us.”

“Yes, that’s true, but Wind’s got it better than the both of us. She’s read lots of fantasy books and—“

“And that means we can ask her for some help,” she says. “But I don’t think this is like any fantasy book at all. You and I know it’s a lot deeper than that. Just know that we’ll all be there for each other... because I certainly still have a lot to learn about unicorn stuff,” gazing up at the horn strutting out of her forehead for the past few days.

Quibble’s mouth melts into a smile like hers. “Yeah. At least we have each other. Heh. Thanks for the little pick-me-up.”

The both of them share a peck on the cheek. “So no ranting about this and that?”

The stallion shrugs. “Can’t promise you on that. I still have to figure out why in the world those ponies from the other side keep talking about friendship being magic. I mean, it’s not like friendship is an actual kind of they can use to beam others into submission, right?”

---

“But how is that even remotely a thing? You use the Elements of Harmony as a weapon which is far from being friendly to your enemies. If it were up to me, I’d have a more realistic set of world-saving crystals: there’d be the Elements of Harmony as usual for your friendship problems, but you’d also have the Elements of, say, Power which you can use for the more forceful stuff when necessary like actual attacks and invasions from a rival state. You may say that absolute power corrupts absolutely, but that’s what the Elements of Harmony are for—to offset that corruption, to balance the Elements of Power. And the Elements of Power will offset the Elements of Harmony by not turning ponies into hyper-friendly doormats that will let opposing forces come into town just because they asked nicely. But wait! I have a third proposal on how to fix the problem with the Elements of Harmony and that involves doing away with them entirely. We replace them with a security plan following the chart I have here. If you have some pencil and paper and draw with me, you’ll see clearly that—“

Princess Twilight ends the phone call.

Sunset sits dumbfounded beside her, at table with the other princesses on the matter of Earth-Equestria diplomacy. “What was that?”

Twilight shrugs. “Wrong number. Was wondering when some ex-human would rant about how ‘irrational’ our world is. I mean, the world going around the sun? That’s crazy talk!”

And Sunset bangs her head on the table at the irony.

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Ah Quibble, never change.

[Ri2]

It's times like this I remember how irritating he can be.

[Ninjadeadbeard]

Quibble, Quibble!

Twilight ain’t gotta explain s%&@! It’s Friendship.

[Eroraf86]

And Sunset bangs her head on the table at the irony.

You and me both, Bacon Horse. You and me both.

[FanOfMostEverything]

It’s either unsubstantiated rumors or top-notch special effects. Haven’t you seen what deepfakes can do these days?

The question you have to ask is "Who benefits from making people believe this?" It's not like there's anyone going around selling antimagic protection or hex insurance. You know, assuming the Flimflams are still running their pawn shop and/or the Equestria Land sideshow games.

Physics don’t work the same. Science doesn’t work the same. Rationality doesn’t work the same.

I'll grant him the first one. Science still works the same way it always has: Try stuff. Find patterns. Test the patterns. Build a model. Iterate until you get something that can accurately predict future events. Then use the applications to try new stuff and start again.

Of course, this is Quibble Pants we're talking about, who's never let something as inconsequential as reality get in the way of his headcanon.