The Little Curiosities

by Comma Typer

Re-Reboxing With Spike

No shakes or jitters in the making of this live recording. No video stabilization is required for their viewing pleasure. No stuffy paws with weak grip or dexterity on the camera. All set: the show must go on.

“Hello, fellow paw pals—or, should I say claw pals? Sorry for the huge delay from the last episode, but I bet you were all kinda’ busy with the whole magic species-change thing.”

His scaly shoulders droop, perfect companions to his little frown. “As you can tell from the title of this episode about a new season and a new look, I have to move from my old unboxing videos. I’m a dragon now and I just can’t get into dog things like bouncing balls and eating bones anymore, especially when gems are a lot tastier. Don’t you worry, though: I can still unbox some dog stuff on the side like flying discs. Just don’t expect me to order stinky socks because my nose can’t stand them anymore.”

His claws reach out to the off-screen world. A box is shoved into view: leather-made. An old box since cows gained enough sapience to protest against the taking away of their hides.

“I’d like to thank our sponsor for this video: Rarity Belle! She was generous enough to send this box for the season premiere, and, you’re about to see how good her tastes are, in both fashion and gems!”

Gentle in their movements, he rotates the box around slowly. Have to feed the camera good angles, give the box a great first impression. “The material used here just oozes of high-class fashion. You can see a golden cursive R on the front—most likely fake gold because, sadly, she’s not that rich, but a drake can dream, right? But enough talking about what’s on the surface: let’s get straight to the treasure!”

After unlocking the box with a special key provided in yet another fancy leather box—coupled with a few minutes’ worth of commentary on how special this box is along with the golden key inside—the little treasure chest is finally opened. As is standard procedure for vloggers buying too much stock in Suspense Inc., the cover of the box faces the camera, still blocking the treasure from the camera’s view. This is to the anticipation or agony of more than a few viewers.

Spike’s eyes grow wide and drool pours out of his fanged mouth. “Oh, wow! I… I expected a lot, but this is just pure beauty!”

The box is slowly turned around—invest in viewer anticipation/agony—to the camera. To some watchers’ disappointment, a fine layer of Neighponese paper covers the prizes underneath. More of those cursive R’s dot the sheet of luxurious paper: another marketing ploy from Rarity the budding entrepreneur.

“With inside packaging like that, you know it’s going to be good!” He rubs his claws vigorously. “Now, let’s see what we’ve got here.” Grabs a delicate hold on the paper, cautiously lifts the sheet up.

Cotton packaging: another security layer “Alright, you can tell this is going to be very premium stuff. Two packaging wrappers, eh?” He removes this line of defense, impatience on his facial features.

Impatience wiped away by the jackpot: a great array of jewels, set in various necklaces and bracelets and tiaras and crowns; set in watches too, of gold and silver and platinum, their faces embroidered with topazes, rubies, emeralds….

An uneasy smile comes up. “Hmm… I know this is live—and I am quite enjoying this new live feature TackTube’s trying out—but… wow… this has got to be scripted! First episode and this is where we’re going with, Rarity! I’m just… um, so very impressed with what you’ve got, and… wow, it’s beyond pretty good, see?”

The comments for each individual piece of wealth crop up. His fanged smile graces each work of art and his silver tongue will endear his audience to him and to the goods on display.

But no matter how good he is at acting, acting is merely professional lying.

---

The next day, Rarity comes over to hang out with Twilight at the mad scientist-witch’s manor to visit her laboratory-turned-alchemy-tower. While she is happy to see how far her friend has taken her magic abilities to new heights, there is another reason for coming over: to thank Spike for showing off her accessories made to low-key promote her upcoming fashion line. Her stylish machinations already include a future cross-promotion with Spike’s vlog on the next episode of Street Chic with Rarity.

But Rarity does not meet Spike. The former canine has decided that a simple meeting would not do. A confrontation, on the other claw….

“Why, Spike, what do you mean by the word scam?”

A blush appears on his scaly cheeks: regret rises quickly. “Okay, maybe not a literal scam, but you said there would be gems galore!”

“And was that not true?” Her tail rises too in worried concentration. “I gave you a lot of things. Even if you take away the brand perspective, they are quite good, modestly speaking. Such gems are a display of grandiosity, and whether you want to own it or not, you must admit that they are pretty! So to the small screen it goes, in your web series where everyone can have a free taste of the riches!”

Sheer enthusiasm would not be enough. “But you said there would be gems.”

”There are! I have just told you! Or perhaps you are referring to the hoards dragons create in Equestria?”

She still does not understand. “I thought there would be gems. Tasty gems. You know, gems to eat.”

Rarity rolls her eyes, a common occurrence for the sophisticated mare. “Seriously, Spike, people tuning in to watch you eat? I know of a TackTuber who has uploaded over a thousand videos of himself drinking water. Niche, but the point stands—“

“But what about all of those, uh, mukbang videos I saw like last year?”

“You mean that trend from South Koroan? I know it comes to personal preference, but would you like your public image to be that of someone binge gorging on gems forever? Would you like that to be your premise from now on?”

“Dragons have high metabolism, don’t you know?”

A posh sigh. “Point is—aside from how out of fashion viral binge eating is right now—I simply don’t have gems to eat. I am more of a, hm, fashionable pony rather than a culinary one when it comes to shiny objects. You’d best have to go somewhere else for that kind of agreement.”

Before any more arguing is made, Twilight calls upon Rarity to check out a new spell she has just learned. All Spike could do is to follow. Best not to make a fuss out of it for now. One Rarity down.

But Spike prepared a back-up plan just in case the deal went wrong.

---

The footage showcases a dark and damp place, rocky here and rocky there with nary a source of light. Nothing except for his miner’s helmet.

“Hey, everyone, especially to all you claw pals! Welcome to the second episode of Unboxing with Spike, Season Two! Today, we won’t just be unboxing things! No, we’re going straight to the source on this very special episode!”

Rarity, the one from Ponyville, moans at this little project of his in the local caves. At this point in the script, she is about to introduce herself to the audience, mining helmet and pickaxe and all. To think that the dragon from the other side used exposure as leverage. Still, it ought to give her some notoriety on Earth—of course, with considerable payment from Spike himself; to sell herself short would mean death to her business in the long run.

Despite the business savvy, Rarity rolls her eyes seconds before Spike aims the camera at her. “Such frivolities, such vanity! Why do you post-humans gather in the tens of thousands to see someone else merely open a box?”

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Mining really can be seen as the ultimate in unboxing in a way, can't get more fundamental than that...

[Comma Typer]

10250272
Ah, like sharks and killer whales. Though, in Equestria, maybe there's additional sirens. And then there's that dog seacreature from P.P.O.V.

10250806
The sad thing is that Earth might join Equestria in its fragility. Then again, nuclear weapons are still a thing, so maybe the doctrine of mutually assured destruction could keep both worlds safe.

10263660
I had to find some way to write down that thing Rarity does occasionally. Glad it went well.

Also, it used to be uncanny valley but I switched it over to nostalgic valley later on. Guess I got tone-deaf on my editing pass which isn't a good sign.

10263667
10263853
10263912
Considering the pacifist nature of ponies, I'd see more Minecraft and Fortnite over there than Call of Duty and Stellaris. Now there's an idea: a 100-player co-op game where everyone's on the same team or maybe it's 50-v-50 where fifty ponies help each other out to defeat the other team of fifty ponies with violence as a last resort.

As for any references to pony gaming videos, there's none that I am aware of. Fluttershy getting a good shot with a sniper rifle was merely there as a beware-the-nice-guys trick.

As for the Xbronc/Rainbox name, the X of the Xbox is the more memorable part of the name to me than box, so I wanted to keep the X in when I ponified it so that people would instantly recognize it as an Xbox parody.

10263669
Spike might as well join Captain Celaeno and her pirate crew for one episode: they are unboxing treasure chests, after all!

[FanOfMostEverything]

10263669
Really, Spike went from an unboxing channel to a Minecraft Let's Play. I call that a step in the right direction.

[Comma Typer]

10265990
Huh. I actually didn't think of that. All I could imagine was that bazookas and Pinkie Pie were the perfect combination in a Call of Duty-esque game.

10269691
It's a good thing this world's Discord hasn't awaken (yet). A Discord-Cozy Glow alliance would prove fatal. Good thing Cozy Glow just likes to play some Equestrian Warhammer 40K.

10269700
To be honest, the other side of a flat world never came to me until I read Austraeoh. Seems like a very common-sense question to ask, in hindsight.

10269705
I find it nice that you keep finding and voicing similarities or likenesses of your (versions of canon's) characters within this universe. From what I've read so far, Sweetie Belle in the Oversaturated World can predict the future but not like a full minute in, so I don't think she would be the future at any rate.