The Little Curiosities

by Comma Typer

Big Sticks

Moss and vines draped on the Hive’s irregular rock walls do not possess any strategic or tactical advantage in warfare: to Pharynx, that is, and even then, for changeling warfare only. Non-changeling allies could equip themselves with the funny plants as camouflage in jungle environments.

The buzz of wings lifts his ears. The visitor of the hour arrives: his other self, fast to an empty seat, lays down a suitcase of shining metal—raise his love for bright lights. The smell of synthetic rises: something from the two or three times he’s infiltrated an Equestrian city before the changeling reformation.

Past the window which is really a big hole in the wall, the visitor flies over to him and offers a hoofshake. “Pharynx, Head of Changeling Kingdom Patrol, I presume.”

“Yes, that’s me.” He returns the offer. “And—correct me if I’m wrong—you must be your nation’s Secretary of the Defense Department.”

The secretary nods. His looks turn to the suitcase, leading his Equestrian self that way.

“So, tell me what are these high-tech weapons you ‘humans’ have, Mister Secretary? I do hope they’re compatible with magic.”

“We’ve tested it out with both normal changeling magic and unicorn magic. Those with feathery wings don’t have much difficulty. Those without any of that will have a hard time, but I don’t see that being a problem with you.”

“Alright, I know enough. Show me what you got.”

A grin flashes across the secretary’s face. Two loud clicks with his magic: the suitcase opens.

An assortment of firearms, all in monochrome fashion, couched in multiple levels of rich fabric as he puts the compartments away for the patrol head to behold the whole array: a modern-day pistol sitting across a revolver; a submachine gun along with an assault rifle for company; sniper rifles becoming strange bedfellow with shotguns. On the last compartment are spread out hundreds of bullets, dozens of loaded magazines, and a hooffull of grenades.

A feast for the eyes, venerating the display without full understanding. “Amazing! If I see this right, these must be some sort of miniaturized cannons.”

For the newcomer, having the locals thrilled with human weaponry pleases him beyond joy. “You could say that. As for documentation, it’s inside: a bit outdated since it’s pre-Change, but I trust you can translate it into terms your forces can understand.”

Hooves tap the table in excitement. “Color me impressed. However, as ‘advanced’ as you are with this technology of yours, I would like to have these demonstrated under magical pressure. Eqeustria’s background magical field may not agree with your—“

“Maulwurf!” screams a high-pitched voice.

Look out the window hole. A couple of changelings tending to plants: they flee from the shaking and crumbling ground.

Up comes a bear-mole monster, rotten teeth big enough to be rocks. It swipes a changeling in its claws, but the guard buzzes into the scene, faux chitin armor glittering under the sun.

A couple clicks turn the patrol head round to their source. Floating right before his other self’s eyes is an assault rifle coated in his magic: he squints through the iron sights.

“Wait, Mister Secretary, what are you—?!”

Ears flatten: cover the bangs but they ring muffled in his hurting brain. Flinches: instant gusts blasting against his chest. The bright explosions coming out of the muzzle do not stop: not powerful enough to tune out the screams from outside.

It is over. Brings his ears out and hears metal jingling. The last few bullet cases just dropped to the floor.

He grabs the secretary by the shoulders. “Are you crazy?! You could’ve killed a changeling!”

“Don’t worry! I’ve made sure that none of your people died.” A scratch on the back of his withers. “I must apologize for being rash, but... let’s say I took care of your monster problem.”

The two Pharynxes look out the window hole again. There is the monster, but it is lying down. Changelings inspect the unmoving body. A guard shouts something about blood. Another checks its pulse, hears for a heartbeat, and shakes his head to the cheering of the patrol.

The assault rifle still floats in his field of magic, smoking hot. “There, problem solved and a demonstration of what these bad boys can do. Certainly makes you menacing. A panacea if you believe in deterrence.”

The patrol head looks back at the compartments of weapons and ammunition. “Thorax isn’t going to like how we permanently solved our Maulwurf dilemma when he comes back.”

“It’s not the only Maulwurf in existence, I hope, right?” For the first time in the meeting, anxiety comes through his voice.

“It isn’t. We’ve encountered at least three of his siblings. But, when it comes to defending ourselves….”

He catches the glimmer of the guns thanks to the sun.

A smirk creeps up the changeling’s face. “What are your terms, Mister Secretary?”

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Well then. Problem solved, wot?

[soundtea]

Ah yes. One of the most powerful spells of all.

Dakka.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Let's just hope the Maulwurfen aren't intelligent enough to have the concept of vengeance. To say nothing of Pharynx trying to use modern firearms to lean on the Hive's allies for more favorable deals. Good thing Thorax is in charge of that sort of thing. Still, this opens a number of doors that may have been better left closed...

[Astorius]

10118220
Attica is infact the peninsula and home of Spartas greatest rival Athens

[Comma Typer]

10118136
I wonder how would real-life horses react to sitting on their docks, especially since they seem to be much weightier than the pastel ponies here.

10118145
Now let's imagine ponies in mecha. Wait... isn't Transformers something like mecha? Now let's have ponies team up Voltron-style in their cars and turn into a pony mecha!

10118219
For not being human. She's still not over her post-human blues, sadly.

10118220
10118376
It was made with Attica in mind. My thought process went: lyres -> Greece -> Athens but it seems too hard to ponify that -> Athens is in Attica -> horse tack can be substituted into the word Attica -> Attacka. My mind did think of Sparta, but I thought going for something like Spurta would be a bit jarring, especially since popular perception views Sparta as the warring/militant state versus the popularly-seen-as enlightened/high culture Athens which seems more likely to have lyres than Sparta.

10118224
That's without talking about weapons of mass destruction. Now that's another idea to add to the list: how Equestrians would react to nuclear missiles, biological warfare, and so on.

[Crystonian]

So....equestria and guns. This ain't going to end well

[Ninjadeadbeard]

I now see Pharynx and Tempest/Fizzlepop recreating that big shoot-out scene from the first Matrix movie. Awesome.