• Published 4th Mar 2020
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The Little Curiosities - Comma Typer



Everyone's turned into Equestrian creatures and reality's turned magical. The former humans of Canterlot City and beyond try to restart their lives. These are their stories.

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The Metaphysical Coma

In a hospital, a draconequus lies on his bed unconscious. A blanket covers all but his head. All alone in a special room where he is the only living creature in the vicinity.

All alone except for Princess Twilight reading a report on the patient and Discord sitting on a director’s chair, watching his counterpart lie there idly.

“So, what, we’ll make this a semi-yearly thing, then?” Discord asks.

“Hopefully not,” replies Twilight without taking her eyes off the report on her clipboard. “However, finally getting this from the doctors… which, between restarting medical infrastructure with completely new species and having to diagnose a mishmash of a creature—“

“Well, I am quite the charmer, Twiley.”

A blank expression is registered on the alicorn’s face. “Anyway… between all of that, it’s not surprising that they took so long figuring out just what was going on with him.”

Discord plays a tiny smirk on his fanged mouth. “Look here: You have the spirit of chaos standing right here in the same room as this world’s me, and you have the gall to wait for some white-coat doctors wearing all those ridiculous ties for work?” He puts on such a tie: a striped blue-maroon piece. “Actually, this is a lovely pattern, if I do say so myself.”

“I just wanted to be sure, Discord. I’m not saying that you’re not trustworthy. It’s just… I didn’t expect you to be a medical expert.”

“Oh, I’m not, but I can make educated guesses.” He puts on a pair of round glasses and snaps a lab coat onto his body. “If those stuffy sawbones are a bit too dry for your taste, I could give you a valuable second opinion.”

Twilight rolls his eyes and proceeds to scan the report before her.

“So… to make it plain and simple,” she begins, “he has been in a coma since the Change, with very little documentation for the few minutes we have documented while he was still conscious… and the coma is due to… wait, a seizure?”

“Ah!” Discord gulps down a sports drink before chucking it to a garbage can. “Now it’s all plain and simple to me too: humans weren’t made for basic magic, let alone chaos magic with all its sheer power and what not.”

“So he got overloaded with magic which led to shock, then? But… that doesn’t make sense! That sort of thing usually kills creatures!”

That elicits a chuckle from Discord. “He’s chaos now; of course, it doesn’t make sense, at least to a smartypants like you, eh? Eh?”

Twilight does not mind the mounted police uniform Discord has on now. “Alright… so why do you think he’s in a coma, then?”

The draconequus slithers over to his vegetative counterpart, checking his pulse and patting his head gently while putting a stethoscope on his eyes. After a few seconds of humming analysis, he slithers back to Twilight.

“I see it now. See, chaos magic leads to… quite the unnerving litany of revelations. Now, I feel a little Socratic, so tell me this: I can tell that Pinkie has a bit of chaos magic in her, so what makes her different from the usual pony?”

Twilight lets out her own hum. “Well, she sometimes pops up in rather unexpected places. If she were a unicorn, it would at least be somewhat reasonable, but as far as I know, an Earth pony can’t teleport.”

“Then why do you think she can do that?”

Twilight giggles at him. “You’re asking me to question Pinkie Pie. Trust me, you know I’ve tried it before and that’s led to madness… and a friendship lesson too, but still.”

“Guess I have to beat you over the head with a hammer then.” He throws a toolbox filled with hammers into the garbage can. “Next question: Does she talk to herself without exactly talking to herself?”

All the princess could give is a weird look. “Well, there was that one time the morning after we saved Nightmare Moon. We found her outside Ponyville for some reason, and she told us she was just talking to… viewers... of some sort.”

“Now you’re almost there! Come on, you’ve watched some theater, you genius Canterlot snob. What concept is this exactly?”

Ignoring the jibe against her, she looks straight into his eyes. “Talking to viewers… like someone in the audience viewing a play… is that the fourth wall?”

“Bingo!” Discord yells, complete with trumpety game show music playing in the room, while he spins a wheel with the pointer landing on $1,000,000!

Twilight then inspects the patient on his bed, game show music still playing in the background. “So… you’re saying that he’s like… seen this fourth wall in real life?… which caused him to just freak out and have a seizure?”

“Well, it’s not the only cause,” Discord clarifies. “There’s also the reality-bending part and having the powers to match, becoming a meta-narrative personality so that you see things in terms of scenes, episodes, and/or chapters, which I guess is still part of the fourth wall thing… it’s all maddening, you see, and I know you don’t fully understand it yourself because you haven’t gone insane.”

“At least I know it’s certainly made you mad,” Twilight says, proud of her own jibe against the spirit of chaos himself. “This is the real world… or the real worlds. It’s silly to think of reality having a fourth wall, much less of breaking it.”

Discord takes out a button to press it, and out comes canned recorded studio audience laughter from all over the room.

“Keep telling that to yourself, dear princess,” he says as he turns to his patient, laugh track still running. “As for my dear old guest… oh, he will have such a great awakening when he does wake up.”

Twilight arches a brow at him. “So you think he will wake up, then?”

Discord sips some coffee, back to sitting on his director’s chair. “Why, yes. It will take some more time, but he’ll come about. And, before you say anything, I will know when he’s awake and I shall guide him on how to use his powers responsibly.” A halo and a pair of angel wings float down onto him for good measure.

“Promise me no shenanigans?”

The halo and the wings fall off and clatter onto the floor for the paper mache props they are. “You must allow the two of us some shenanigans. If you must, give him a new home with a hundred-meter restraining order where chaos can reign beautifully. You know what happened when I promised no shenanigans for Fluttershy.”

A freezing breeze falls over Twilight. “Right. You almost faded from existence.”

Discord nods. “Trust me, Twilight. If you want someone to take care of chaos, then I’m the best draconequus for the job!”

“I… don’t think that’s encouraging… but sure.” The reluctant smile on her face slowly becomes genuine. “Trust is important, after all.”

Twilight goes back to reading more of the report while Discord pranks his counterpart by putting shades on him and shooting selfies with himself and his other self.

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