The Little Curiosities

by Comma Typer

Needless Needles

“That was a pretty good episode you did today, Sunset! Gotta say, Rarity’s been aggressive with her cross promotions, but she’s much more tasteful than most sponsors.”

“It’s par for the course, Twi. When you talk about proper mane care, Rarity has to jump in. She’s got an eye for details, and we know it’s more than just horse shampoo, after all.”

“Huh. That explains why your hair always shone different.”

“Was it really that noticeable?”

“Not much. Just had the feeling it was… off.”

“Yeah. Hey, I’ve noticed something about you.”

“What?”

“Vlogs. TackTube channels. Now I know why I there’s something off with you in the vlogosphere.”

“What do you mean?”

“AJ’s got her DIY shtick, Pinkie’s got her baking channel, Rarity’s got her online fashion show, Rainbow has her stunts, I do gaming streams, even Fluttershy’s become the occasional star for the animal shelter ads. It just… never crossed my mind that you didn’t do anything like that. I think it’s Spike’s fault.”

“What does Spike have to do with it?”

“Spike’s your pet—or used to be—so I counted you in by proxy.”

“Yeah, it’s not my thing. I’m more of a stay-quiet stay-in type of study gal.”

“Oh, yes, the stay-quiet stay-in type of study gal who goes ballistic at the mention of the tongue map myth and subjects her friends to half-hour lectures on quantum computing.”

“You’re my friends; it’s different! If I’m vlogging, I’d be vlogging to random strangers! Besides, what would I vlog about anyway?”

“Other than half-hour lectures? Well, why not your experiments? You’ve gone crazy over the weekends with potions and spells in your witch tower.”

“It wouldn’t be viable in the long run. More capable spellcasters from Equestria will get a hold of the Internet and explain things much better than I can.”

“But ponies would be getting an Equestrian’s perspective if they listen to the old wizards.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“For the most part, but most ponies here used to be human so Equestrians would miss the human element. I was nostalgic when I saw you tinker with magic the other day like a foal taking control of her magic for the first time. With an eternally-curious human mind like yours, you’re bound to think a little different—or a lot. You were a mad scientist before the Change anyway. At least, I could say that because you made a robot dog just so Spike could have a canine friend when you could’ve saved yourself time and money by going to some little pet shop.”

“But pet shops don’t have dogs with extra senses for scouting and off-world research, reinforced steel plates protecting their vital organs, and expanded vision covering the infrared and ultraviolet parts of the visual spectrum!”

“Look, what I’m saying is: you’re crazy—”

“Thanks!”

“—so make a crazy show.”

“… like Neighponese levels of crazy?”

“Not that crazy. Just think about it: Equestrian magic meeting planet Earth is bound to cause antics out in the wild. Tons of myths and rumors will pop up, and you won’t be able to tell which is the real thing.”

“So we’re busting urban legends and myths?”

“Or prove them! For example, Clover the Clever went here about a thousand years ago. That’s a topic you can lean on and correlate with those Big-Hoof sightings from, say, a thousand years ago. Still, yeah, narrowing somepony like that down is like finding a needle in a haystack, so scratch that.”

“Could you do that though?”

“Might be hard to verify right now. The conspiracy forums are hard to coordinate with when tons of them accuse me of boosting an Equestrian cabal to conquer Earth—“

“No, the needle in the haystack!”

“Um… I’ve never tried finding needles in haystacks—“

“Yes, I’ve got it! That will be my pilot episode: using magic to find a needle in the haystack and update the Equish language once and for all!”

“Twilight, you can’t be serious.”

---

“Hello, world! My name’s Twilight Sparkle! I used to be a human, but I’m a unicorn now, as you can see! Today on this live premiere of The Sci-Twi Project, I’ll attempt outdating an age-old adage once and for all: that finding a needle in a haystack is extremely difficult!

”I’ve whipped up this spell which I’ll explain in painstaking detail after the test, ‘cause the algorithm here favors cool action stuff over the rational reasons and causes behind the thing, but I’m sure you purists will forgive me for this.

“Simply put: it’s a spell written specifically for differentiating different materials from each other. It’s roughshod, but I’ve had weeks’ worth of studying just to get it to function in the first place. However, we’re going to be testing it for real right now! Are you excited about this? I know I’m excited because this could be revolutionary!

“… okay! Right here, in this air-tight box is a haystack made according to international agricultural industry standards. I asked my dog-turned-dragon to insert a needle there while I was away. What I’ll do is cast the spell through this hole which will convey it hermetically into the box and into the haystack. If the workings of my spell fit perfectly, the needle will come out of the haystack like two magnets on the same pole repelling each other! You got all that? One, two….”

Poof!

“Huh. It actually worked. I was expecting some kind of catastrophic failure that—wait, it worked?! Yes! An idiom dies tonight! You think finding your car keys is like finding a needle in the haystack? Think again!”

“Twilight, this is ridiculous.”

“Don’t ruin the moment, Sunset! It’s the science of magic enlightening our vocabulary! What else is next?!”

“You’re really a mad scientist, aren’t you?”

Comments

[Ninjadeadbeard]

I'm just glad she didn't accidentally invent a magical railgun just then, what with the talk about magnets.

[FanOfMostEverything]

SCIENCE!

“… like Neighponese levels of crazy?”

Oh goodness, imagine the post-Change game shows...

[Eroraf86]

10303221

[Maulet Paya]

Twilight Savage and Sunset Haineman,their are the PONYMITHBUSTERS